Article About How Much Better Houston is Than Dallas Neglects to Mention Houston is the Asshole of the Universe

HoustonPressPooper.jpg
Houston Press
The man in this picture is shitting in the Houston Press parking lot. Which pretty well sums up the entire city.
The Houston Chronicle tried yesterday afternoon to prove that Houston is better, or at least sucks less, than Dallas. Tried and failed. Sorry to piss on your parade, Alyson Ward, but that debate has been settled: Houston blows way harder than we do.

Ward says that Houston has a better skyline, an argument she bases not on aesthetic grounds, which H-Town would lose, but in building height. Then there's Houston's 2004 Super Bowl, which admittedly came off better than Dallas' ice-coated effort. The Bayou City also has more Fortune 500 companies, a bigger megachurch and NASA, not to mention a superior Galleria.

Houston's bigger, older and, thanks to "Apollo 13," linked to the most overused cliché in American pop culture. Dallas is more glitzy, more gaudy and, thanks to "Dallas," stuck with an international image based on '80s TV.

From here, Ward leaps to the conclusion that -- spoiler alert -- Houston wins.

But wait. Those are pretty measly criteria to make such a sweeping judgment. Why not give points for not pooping in alt weekly parking lots, or give some cred to Alan Peppard for not taking his clothes off?

More to the point, Ms. Ward fails to take into consideration that Houston is the asshole of the universe, or at least of Texas, where Dallas' collective flatulence and waste (which, by the way, probably improves the smell) eventually finally settles. And doesn't it say something that you feel so insecure that you have to write a self-congratulatory article in your hometown newspaper about how awesome you are?

Sure, Dallas has its flaws. The sprawl, for one. The myopic focus on the big and bold at the expense of the expense of the wise and practical, for another. A general disregard for history can be frustrating, as can our strange desire to pave over anything green and moist. But the great thing about living in Dallas, the thing that helps the city overcome all these flaws, is that if you live in Dallas, that means, almost definitively, that you don't live in Houston.

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39 comments
mike90069
mike90069

Dallas is so much better than Houston! Just alone the Galleria Dallas is far above the Houston Galleria!

psara1978
psara1978

 @mike90069

 LOL! The Dallas Galleria is a COPY of the Houston Galleria! Look it up. Fail.

Susan Geissler
Susan Geissler

15. Houston has the highest concentration of Caps Lock users in the nation. 

Houstonian
Houstonian

Thats a lie. Currymichael has no idea what he's talking about. I doubt he's a native or he would know better. So your quarrel is unfounded. It is a PRCA rodeo dumbass. Still Certified....

Calvin Blair
Calvin Blair like.author.displayName 1 Like

This article reeks of butthurt. Way to just cry instead of citing actual reason why you think Dallas is better. Could have highlighted some interesting Dallas...stuff...but instead you wasted space on the infinite internet. 

Jrjr19422001
Jrjr19422001 like.author.displayName 1 Like

Dallas sucks,has sucked and always will suck.

V-Dawg Lacrucious
V-Dawg Lacrucious like.author.displayName 1 Like

really...you're thinking of Jersey, the only people that ever refer to houston (all two of you) as the armpit of america, have never been here.

psara1978
psara1978

The armpit of Texas is officially Port Arthur (look it up)... not sure about the armpit of America. Who cares. Only some d-bag from Dallas with nothing better to do would pull things out of the air like that. Some people need to get a life...

V-Dawg Lacrucious
V-Dawg Lacrucious

someone needs to evaluate themselves before they go about persecuting others.

V-Dawg Lacrucious
V-Dawg Lacrucious

Agreeance is an actual word Karen, sounds like you don't know what you're talking about.

V-Dawg Lacrucious
V-Dawg Lacrucious like.author.displayName 1 Like

No one in Houston actually cares about any of this, it's only these lame reporters that have nothing better to do, and you people making these asinine comments that actually care.  Get over yourselves.

Tjd42
Tjd42

Seattle dopers? San Francisco FAGS; Honolulu over rated tourist trap and red neck Boston who still think they singal handedly won the Revolution. 

Mark
Mark

dallas is the canada of texas. superficial in all aspects. the only thing faker than the people living in it is the tits they carry around on them

Glitziest in Dallas
Glitziest in Dallas

Eric, I am going to assume you have either a degree in English or journalism. Therefore, you should know that "more glitzy" should be "glitzier" and "more gaudy" should be "gaudier". You should also know you should double proof read your finished product; that is when you find misspellings. Your grammar teacher would be so disappointed. 

Poster Arthur
Poster Arthur

And each of those companies and their refineries along with your famous paper mills and public participation sewage treatment plants are what make Houston smell like hot buttered ass. 

VizFact
VizFact like.author.displayName 1 Like

This article is a horrendous display of overdoing a sucky job in outstanding fashion. Your editor actually gave you permission to hit the publish button? Seriously? Top that off with the notion that your only notable offense to Houston was that its not Dallas and you have what I call a waste of effort. This is a disgusting misuse of resources and shows an incapability to be a cognitive thinker. You use of profanity, my case and point. You should have been educated better.

Kk12281
Kk12281

How about Houston isn't as racist as Dallas or Fort Worth... Speaking from firsthand experience.

houstonhipster
houstonhipster like.author.displayName 1 Like

Austin is the most overrated, overhyped town I've ever lived in. Oh, and the austintude is about as pleasant as a yapping dog that never shuts up. At the recent Free Press Summer Fest in Houston (which is 10x better than ACL Fest by the way), one of the musicians had a shirt on that said "I'm not moving to Austin". Classic.

houstonhipster
houstonhipster

You've probably never been to Austin, which is quickly becoming a little Dallas.

houstonhipster
houstonhipster like.author.displayName 1 Like

Austin is the most overrated, overhyped place I have ever lived. PS- glad I don't still live there; the traffic alone would drive me insane. The Austintude has gotten comical

houstonhipster
houstonhipster like.author.displayName 1 Like

And it's full of Austintude. The most overrated, overhyped place I've ever lived in.

houstonhipster
houstonhipster

Austin is the most overrated town in the state, if not the entire US. -former Austin resident

Elw1971
Elw1971

And that is why I do not reside in either town. I like the country living without all the bull Shit.

ImissBigD
ImissBigD

Hey AWhiteside…. Are you kidding me? Houston is the best city in the Nation? I moved to Houston from Dallas 4 years ago when I was transferred here. For a city that brags about how friendly they are, I’ve never been treated so rudely in my life! It was crazy how many “Houstonians” are OBSESSED by their hatred of Dallas. To tell you the truth, people from Dallas don’t give Houston a second thought. Why should we? But just to make my point, I’m going to provide a rebuttal to your list…. HOUSTON,TEXAS IS BETTER IN EVERY WAY 1 NICER AND TALLER SKYSCRAPER AND A LOT MORE – Look Again, the Dallas Skyline has boomed over the past few years with an entire section of downtown devoted to the Performing & Visual Arts. 2 NASA – Relicaxe is right – JSC is in Clear Lake which was Annexed by Houston to get the tax $ I have family that live in Clear Lake and I can tell you that Houston could care less about them.   3 WORLD LARGEST MEDICAL COMPLEX – MD Anderson is Terrific – I’ll give you that one. 4 2ND LARGEST PORT IN THE UNITED STATES AND GROWING WAIT UNTIL THE PANAMA CANAL 2014 – Yes, this is true too. It’s amazing to see cargo ships so close to the city. 5 THE ENERGY CAPITAL OF THE WORLD NOT JUST A MOVIE DALLAS- Yes, which is why so many people live here, including me, because of the JOBS!  Not because it’s a wonderful place to live. Have you checked the CRIME RATE lately? Have the noticed the number of homeless on the streets? Have you noticed the deterioration of good neighborhoods into slums because of the constant influx of illegals? The city cares nothing about these poor people. 6 2 INTERNATIONAL AIRPORTS PLUS ELLINGTON FIELD- Hobby is not YET an International Airport. And Ellington is just an extension of NASA/ JSC. Dallas had the 1st International Airport in the Central US Region. They also have Love Field for shorter flights the Joint Naval Air Station is in Ft Worth – our Friend to the West – who we LOVE! 7 BIGGER AND NICER LOOKING MORE ATTRACTIVE (GREENER TREES)- Yes but that’s because it’s a SAUNA! There are more tree’s in Borneo too. And Dallas has ZONING & City Planning! There are TWO lakes inside the city limits and FIVE lakes around the perimeter. 8 2 ND LARGEST PORT OUTSIDE OF FLORIDA THE TRAVEL CRUISE INDUSTRY. Goes with being near the Gulf, don’t ya think? 9 FEDERAL RESERVE ESTIMATED INCOME MORE THAN THE ENTIRE D.F.W. AREA- Again, the overall SIZE of Harris County is HUGE. Dallas County by comparison is very small. Look up the Income Ratio in Highland / University Park, Plano and Frisco (N Dallas Suburb) and let me know what you think. 10 MORE ENTERTAINMENT BETTER ARTS CULTURE BETTER PLACES TO EAT THANKS TO LANDRYS, PAPPADEAUX'S- You gotta be kidding right? Pappas is good? Landry’s is good? Good and overpriced with lousy service. It’s a glorified Long John Silver. Once again, you should go on a fact finding mission by taking a 4.5 hour drive to the north.   You will be amazed! 11 WORLD LARGEST RODEO EVENT- Keep it. It’s a rip off and a Joke! Mesquite (Suburb) Rodeo is a permanent structure with year round rodeo. Not a traveling carnival like the Houston Rodeo. And Arlington (suburb) has Six Flags Texas and Six Flags Waterpark. 12 BETTER SURBURBS THE WOODLANDS,SUGARLAND,PEARLAND,CLEARLAKE AND GALVESTON.- Really? The crime rate in Sugarland & Pearland has exploded. Clear Lake has been annexed by Houston so it has the same lack of city services as the rest of us. Galveston was hit so hard by Hurricane Ike that its still recovering. Dallas has beautiful, quite neighborhoods with parks and schools and zoning. No churches next to strip clubs next to elementary schools.  You should try it. 13 THE PEOPLE – The people here are red neck, un-educated assholes, which you have just proved. 14 MORE PLAYERS IN THE NFL THAN ANY OTHER CITY AND AMERICA MIAMI A CLOSE 2ND A COUPLE HEAVY WIEGHT WORLD CHAMPIONS WHEN BOXING WAS A INTERESTING SPORT BETTER RAPPERS SOURCE SAID HOUSTON WAS RANK 5TH BEST CITY ALL-TIME HOUSTON WE CAN GO ON & ON – I’m so glad that you stopped while you were behind. Dallas teams have won the Super Bowl, NBA national championship, Stanley Cup and the Texas Rangers competed at last year’s World Series.   BUT I WILL INVITE ALL THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE OF D.F.W. TO COME VISIT AND SEE WHY HOUSTON IS THE BEST CITY IN THE NATION I noticed that you didn’t mention TRAFFIC? Houston has the Worst Traffic in the World. Its Always Rush Hour and the drivers here would rather run you off the road than obey the law and yield. I could get anywhere in Dallas in 20 minutes, tops. And what about the weather? I know both Dallas & Houston get hot, but the humidity in Houston was 89% this morning. Really? Seriously, if it weren’t for the JOB Market, nobody in their right mind would live here.

lbmhou
lbmhou

@ImissBigD

...shows what you know.  Ellington was an Air Force Base that was later made use of by NASA and will be developed as a SPACE PORT in the near future...there is nothing like that in Dallas.  Bush Intercontinental Airport (IAH) opened in 1969...they didn't even start building DFW until 1969 so, Houston has had a International Airport longer than Dallas, which really doesn't have one since DFW is in GRAPEVINE,not Dallas or Fort Worth.  Houston HAS more people in professional sports than the idiots in Dallas.  Dallas is a rathole compared to Houston.  Houston was founded in 1836 and became an incorporated city in 1837.  Dallas was founded in 1841 but did not actually become a city until 1856.  The war for Texas Independence was won near HOUSTON not Dallas.  The thing Dallas is known for more than anything is the death of President Kennedy...so get over yourself.  Seriously, if it wasn't for the really rude, uppity, self-centered assholes in Dallas, it might be a nice place to live...I know...I had to live in Dallas for 7 years and I hated every minute of it!

Houston Wins
Houston Wins

That's it? That's your whole argument - adolecent name-calling? You really want me to believe that no one shits on Dallas streets ever! Nevermind the homeless faux paux, let's talk about the $30,000-a-year "millionaires" overpopulating your fair city.

W Turner Iii
W Turner Iii like.author.displayName 1 Like

Dallas, home of the $40,000 millionaire.  No coastal fishing, leach off of Houston and Austin's business', your colleges have to cheat to win, and every girl I ever dated from Dallas was batshit crazy with no self esteem.  - From a Cajun.  Also, Ft. Worth is better than Dallas as well.  If you include Ft. Worth in with Dallas, and then compare to Houston, you may have the edge.  

Craigley
Craigley like.author.displayName 1 Like

To end this, Houston's Olympic bid went a round further than Dallas'.  Remember Rick Perry yelling "Houston?" when he was in Big DHEBFW?   Yes, Houston, BOY!

Daniel Fein
Daniel Fein

I think my favorite thing about your article is how you don't give any reasons at all that "Dallas is better than Houston".  You just whine about the Chron article...which is awesome btw.  Bring it.

Houston & Dallas are cities.
Houston & Dallas are cities.

Oh please. Austin's a little hick town that's outgrown it's infrastructure. It's doesn't matter what your shirt says. There's nothing "Weird®" about it.

Behoge
Behoge

I do appreciate the tone of the original Houston Chronicle article/blog better than the response. It seemed light-hearted while the response seems bitter and angry.

Dallasux
Dallasux

Seatlle sucks I lived there

tomcat211
tomcat211

Besides the Arlington cowboys are like the jersey jets/giants. use their name and take their money elsewhere

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