Rep. Ralph Hall From Rockwall Is Turning 89, Will Do Keg-Stands with Rick Perry, T. Boone Pickens, Harlan Crow

RalphHallBirthday.jpg
Ralph Hall, congressman, conservative, birthday boy.
Congressman Ralph Hall, the near-nonagenarian, oldest serving member of Congress, who was elected to things five years after World War II ended, just turned 89 years old. What do you give the man who has everything -- a powerful committee chair; a devilish sense of humor (he loves Mormons!); and a full head of hair the color of a unicorn's mane?

You throw him a party in the 15,596-square-foot manse of Dallas oilman Cary Maguire and invite a bunch of power brokers whose aggregate wealth is in the billions and billions and billions.

You install fountains flowing with single-malt scotch. Rick Perry gets sloshed and loses at a game of Try To Remember the Federal Agencies He Would Dismantle. Harold Simmons regales the attendees with the tale of how the state Legislature wrote his radioactive-waste disposal business plan. T. Boone Pickens breaks the scotch fountain with a giant windmill. Pitts Energy's Bill Custard brains Harlan Crow in the library with a candelabra. And Congressman Joe Barton and ExxonMobil PAC's Ken Cohen hold hands.

The invitation says the party goes from 5 to 7:30 p.m., but that's just when the kiddies go home. I predict the party ends at dawn, when Hall plots to cut the brake lines on Lou Gigliotti's race car. I'm sure my invitation is in the mail. God, I hope my invitation is in the mail.

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7 comments
Clancey
Clancey

Ol' Raff done quite well for somebody on the public tit for most 70+ years.

I vaguely recall him in the Texas 'Ledge,  railing about professional politicians ...

 Amazing,  he promises every two years to get government off our backs,  the usual conservative humbug stuff,  hasn't accomplished any of it.  But keeps promising this next term he will ...   and dumb suckers around Rockwall keep believing him.

Mountain Creek
Mountain Creek

...you said nothing of the entertainers.  You mentioned the scotch fountains, but what of the entertainers?

Guest
Guest

Boone Pickens and I went to the same high school.

Not at the same time, granted, or even in the same building.

But still...

CrackerDaddy
CrackerDaddy

C'mon....it is Rockwall after all.  What'd you expect?

Brantley Hargrove
Brantley Hargrove

 MC, I have no intel on the entertainers. Given the political persuasion of the crowd, I think we can safely rule out Bono. The Nuge, however....

Mountain Creek
Mountain Creek

@cynical: are you revealing the name of one of the entertainers at the above-mentioned soiree OR are you revealing your true name?  I'm a little confused...

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