Yesterday at High Noon, PETA Barbecued One of Its Own

Roasted Pig.jpg
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PETA won't be roasting a pig tomorrow. They won't be roasting a person, either, but they'll pretend to.
Those kooky animal lovers at PETA are up to their crazy shenanigans again. (By "kooky" and "crazy shenanigans" what we mean is, "Have you ever wondered if PETA is just some sort of pervy scam to get twentysomething women to disrobe in public?) According to the groups press release, they will "cook" a nearly naked member on a grill at noon today at the corner of Main and Ackard Street downtown.

And why, given the ready availability of extremely delicious nonhuman meat sources that carry none of the side effects or social stigma of cannibalism, would you want to barbecue a person?

"We are challenging Texans to think about what meat really is," says PETA Executive Vice President Tracy Reiman in the group's press release. "Flesh is flesh, and animals feel pain and suffer just as humans do. What revolts people about the idea of eating other humans should also apply to the idea of eating other animals."

OK. But why the quotation marks around "cook"? And how naked are we talking here?

I called Shakira Croce, who was listed as the RSVP contact on the press release, to ask.

"It's just a person lying on a barbecue," she told me.

And the barbecue's not even lit. No charcoal. No fire. Just body paint (The same stuff Burger King uses to stripe the Whopper?) to mimic the grill marks.

Hmm. A bit disappointing. But back to the nudity. How naked are we talking here?

"As much as is legal," Shakira said.

Dammit! A woman can't even be topless in public! I was chagrined until I realized that I hadn't clarified the barbecue-ee's gender. Just as well.

My interest was reignited a bit further in the press release.

On today's factory farms, chickens and turkeys have their throats cut while they're still conscious, piglets are castrated and have their tails cut off without being given any painkillers, and cows are hung upside down and are often skinned while they're still able to feel pain. On the decks of fishing boats, fish suffocate or are cut open while they're still alive.

Whoa. So does this mean PETA's going castrate one of its members, hang them upside down and flay them alive, all on a downtown street corner?

No again. Turns out the whole "barbecue" is "symbolic." Which seems like a missed opportunity. Think of the press you'd get if you did barbecue one of your members alive? People can't ignore self-immolation.

Update: As several of you pointed out, this happened happened yesterday, not today. The press release that landed in my inbox yesterday afternoon said 'tomorrow,' which I assumed to mean today. And let me ask you this: If I don't even know what day of the week it is, how am I supposed to know the date?


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34 comments
Disappointed
Disappointed

So, um, does this mean we're not going to be able to cook and eat one of those plump, delicious PETA chicks? Sweet, savory, chewy, but with that delicately crispy skin....

Well, shit, there goes my Memorial Day. Mark my words, Nick Kristoff and Mike Mooney are behind this somewhere...it's that old DMN-DTH once-you-have-'em-by-the-comics-their-hearts-and-minds-will-follow coup d'etat all over again.

Moist, silky, succulent...damn, just damn.

BadGuyZero
BadGuyZero

To me "nearly naked" = nearly nude = a guy in a pair of denim cutoffs.

I wonder how you make someone blue look barbecued? That is of course assuming the nearly nude blue himself.

trannyntraining
trannyntraining

I'm not really revolted, though, by humans eating other humans. I just choose not to partake in their bounty. Now, the pig roast...."have pepper and salt shaker, will travel!".

KB
KB

I read this article while eating a grilled pork center cut.  And it was good.

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Methinks they should've caught one of them renegade moo-cows from I-35 and done it up big time.  (The Eat moo-re Chiken cows are out to get y'all PETA!)

observist
observist

Once they get people to treat animals ethically, they're going to start working to get animals to treat animals ethically, with the goal of a world-wide ban predation.

DoubleOJoe
DoubleOJoe

The only message I took from this is that roast pig is delicious.  And that I am now very, very hungry.  Damn you, leader picture.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

Well I certainly hope no member of PETA has a pet cat that's been declawed or a pet dog with a bobbed tail or trimmed ears then. Or a circumcised son. Or a lovely designer leather purse/wallet/belt. 

What I want to know is why every stupid little stunt of theirs gets coverage? They're like a chubby middle school girl just dying for attention who ends up pregnant because they'll do anything to be noticed.

Dalmag09
Dalmag09

Sounds like a great ideal.  I will join them there with a delicious meaty hamburger. 

Anna Merlan
Anna Merlan

Wait, hang on, someone from PETA was naked? Shut. Up. 

Jimmy Wright
Jimmy Wright

what a waste of a perfectly dead and delicious pig. I mean the pig was already slaughtered may as well eat it. No resources go un used isnt that what our ancestors taught us?

NewsDog
NewsDog

Well, if it was yesterday where are the pictures?   

Colinz
Colinz

And this happened on Wednesday 5/23.

Tim Covington
Tim Covington

Dang! I'll be in meetings when this is going on. Otherwise, I would show up and eat a big plate of ribs right in front of them. And, I would then walk up and offer tips on some great barbecue sauce recipes.

Paul
Paul

 I had lasagna with beef and pepperoni ... it was yummy and tasty ...

trannyntraining
trannyntraining

Some times we hate most, those things, we love most. Chew on that fat(or celery stick) for a while.

TexasSwede
TexasSwede

Well, PETA is against testing medicin on animals. Interesting enough, PETA's vice president is a diabetic and takes insulin, a drug created using animal testing. Their stance on it is that "the drug already existed, so it is not hypocritic to take it". On the other hand, they don't want new medication against HIV or cancer to be developed and tested on animals...Check out Penn & Teller's show Bullshit! about PETA...

primi_timpano
primi_timpano

Merely "nearly naked" which to me is "almost fully clothed." I suggest they get with Whitney to organize a completely naked meatless Monday.

Mss1506
Mss1506

 Everybody and their brother were snapping pics with their phones.  I was too busy telling all the PETA folks that the burger place on the corner there was great, if they happen to get hungry.

cynical old bastard
cynical old bastard

When:   Wednesday, May 23, 12 noon

Where:  Southeast corner of Akard and Main streets, Dallas

primi_timpano
primi_timpano

Nicely different combo. I promise you more than 1 chef is putting it on the menu as I write.

Albert
Albert

I like pork rinds

observist
observist

Yet here you are, reading and commenting, of your own volition.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

I've seen it. Lowered my already rather low opinion of PETA even further.

Paul
Paul

 I'm not normally a fan of pepperoni ... but I will be going back for seconds

Paul
Paul

 What happened to your broken groin?

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