OK, OK: The Latest Trinity River Toll Road Report Sprinkles B.S. on the Peak of Mount B.S.

Trinity River Toll Road.jpg
Look, we're sorry. We wanted badly to just ignore the earth-shattering news. Unfortunately, though, Schutze is off in Arkansas ingesting giardia all week, and not everyone reads The Dallas Morning News (cheap bastards), so it's up to those left behind to let everyone in on it.

Ready? Here it is: Fat people like pie.

No, wait. That's not it. Not obvious enough.

Here it is: The Morning News recently reported on its front page on a report prepared in part by the North Texas Tollway Authority issued a report basically endorsing City Hall's plan to build a toll road between the Trinity River levees -- a toll road long championed by the North Texas Tollway Authority and the News.

Surprise! Fat people also like ice cream!

For those new to town or smart enough to have ignored this story for the last several hundred years, here's the short-form background: lies, lies, lies, 1998 citywide vote for park, lakes, etc. on Trinity. Lies. No park. Toll road. Lies. Lies. Where's road? Lies! Another vote. Yes road! Lies, lies. No money. Where's road? Where's park? Lies. NTTA, which once said it would help pay for road, says, "Wait, do what now?" Lies. New report says $1.76 billion toll road in imaginary park $1 billion cheaper than road not in park. Why toll road? No answer. Public hearing No. 1,745,232 coming May 6. Still no money.

We emailed Mayor Mike Rawlings' chief of staff, Paula Blackmon, to see whether he's taken a position on the road. "He is still reviewing all of the facts," she replied, which might make you think Rawlings is a little slow on the uptake, fact-reviewing-wise. Nope. Since the only cars that'll ever cruise this toll road will be powered by nuclear fusion, taking a stand now is like taking a position on unicorn hunting. Whatever you say, deluded people will be pissed and you might get gored.

We also called levee-road opponent and council member Angela Hunt about the NTTA thingy. "Can we put you down for standard 'Trinity Quote B'?" we asked. She said yes. So there you go.

If there's anything interesting left to say about the road, Morning News editorial writer Rodger Jones nailed it. He pointed out that the major justification of the road was to relieve traffic while the state completed Project Pegasus, a massive plan to rebuild the Stemmons corridor along the river. Now the broke-ass state has sent Pegasus to where the unicorns play, and he wondered how proponents will justify the toll road.

Let's see. How about lies, lies, lies?

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31 comments
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Id4tyler
Id4tyler

Another toll road? OK Cool! Another road not to drive on then! :)

Mister_Mean
Mister_Mean

The forked tongue of the Dallas Morning News and the Troll Road Supporters.    If you keep reciting the same lies over and over then it will become true.

-O-
-O-

It is wrong to hunt Unicorns.  There I said it.  

Doug
Doug

So Project Pegasus is dead?  First I'd heard it....I don't know why I continue to subscrbe to the DMN..I guess I missed that story....(note to self....continue to NEVER go anywhere near the mixmaster FOREVER)...

Mervis
Mervis

And, I choose to not read the DMN because it is a terrible publication not because I am cheap. You guys always alert us to the worthwhile reads and therefore I save time.

astoogebyanyothername
astoogebyanyothername

Why am I so hungry for a slice of apple pie with a scoop(make that two) of vanilla bean ice cream? If this article makes me fat....i'm suing!

Bink Speaks
Bink Speaks

When are they/we  gonna drive a stake through this beast's heart? Enough of the BS and inside deals, just give us the Great Park everybody but these yo yos wants!!

Guest
Guest

I'm quite fat and don't really care for pie.

dub919
dub919

Blasphemer!  

Regards,A Fat Man Who Fucking LOVES Pie

Joe Tone
Joe Tone

Correction: Due to an editing error, this story incorrectly surmises that all fat people like pie. The editor in question, who's really been packing them on of late, has done so without the assistance of a single slice of pie, so it's now clear to said editor that "ice cream" or some other more ubiquitous dessert would have been a better fit for that particular assertion. Unless we're talking about pizza pies, in which case, come on: That shit's delish.

king
king

Your fifth para is as accurate and concise a description of events since '98 as I've seen.  

Max Edison
Max Edison

Are all fat people stupid? I know lots of skinny people who like pie too, but I don't trust a one of them. Skinny people are stupid.

primi timpano
primi timpano

 Fat people either have bad judgment--they eat too much and endanger their health--or a small minority may have health conditions that make being skinny near impossible.  I spent 6 months in a cardiac rehab exercise program (for the record, I was 155lbs/5'9'') and was amazed at the number fat and obese patients on their second and third heart attacks.  My brother says it is simple--they like eating more than they care for their health.

DaTruth
DaTruth

I am fat. I love pie and ice cream. But I also hate stupid ideas like putting a toll road INSIDE OF A LEVEE SYSTEM! Why do they keep pushing this and why do people keep thinking this is a great idea? Unless our future nuclear cars are also amphibious, I don't see the point of this road. It's just one step above paving over the entire river.

primi timpano
primi timpano

 As always, follow the money.  It doesn't just talk, it screams.  Investment bankers issue bonds and invest the proceeds, construction companies build, nearby landowners get increased values.

Da Truth
Da Truth

Depends on what the bond rating is whether it's a good investment or not. And where do they plan on building more businesses and houses? On top of the levee so they can see the road? That'd be a great idea too.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the Army Corp of Engineers have a rather large role in this saga as well? Not so much as an adversary, but as a voice of logic compared to the city and NTTA's silly-ass pipedream?

OakParkStudio
OakParkStudio

Well, Patrick, nice try! I was wondering why UP hadn't commented on this story which the DMN conveniently pigeonholed in it's last weekend's Pravda edition.

I was hoping for a more nuanced response from Schutze. But, whether he's playing Dueling Banjos in Arkansas Deliverance style or simply vacationing...perhaps one and the same...I'm sure this isn't the final word.

Lies. BS. I don't know. "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet"

Ozonedude
Ozonedude

The best thing they ever did was build that new bridge. It begs for a lake and a park underneath. Certainly informed my uninformed opinion.

Jay
Jay

Of course its cheaper to build a toll road on open ground, with fairly level terrain, and without the necessity of buying out thousands of landowners through condemnation. That is beside the point. The fact is that the area between the levies is designed to contain flood water and prevent it from flooding the surrounding developed property. Building a toll road inside a flood control zone reduces the flood retention capacity. Think of putting a small pipe inside a larger pipe. The larger pipe would then have a smaller capacity. Building a billion dollar road in an area designed to be overwhelmed with flood water is, and remains, a colossally stupid idea. 

downtownworker
downtownworker

That is the pro-road agenda. Flood all of downtown so there's less traffic on the way to the suburbs.

Fatass
Fatass

So what do you have against fat people any way?

Ed D.
Ed D.

Wait, so there's no pie or ice cream? At least City of Ate had free ice cream yesterday.

Larry
Larry

"...reviewing the facts..."  Such a comedian.  Really means, "Waiting for our hordes of spinners to find a way to convince the public we should continue digging this hole that we already can't get out of."  The "city that works" for the select few.

downtownworker
downtownworker

1) Toll road is no longer needed since there is no Project Pegasus.2) Toll road costs $2B that we don't have.3) Toll road would ruin any future parks and lakes between the levees.

Mr. Mayor, GET OFF YOUR ASS AND DECLARE THIS PROJECT DEAD.

Sign the petition here: http://www.change.org/petition...

mark zero (Jason)
mark zero (Jason)

A better way to make the point might be a campaign to vote no on every single bond election they field (even if it's one to give orphans lollipops and unicorns*), until they admit they lied on this one and... and something.

(*Some council member owns half the lollipop concessions, and without a park to play in, those unicorns'll be pooping on our mandated xeriscaping and scaring the hipsters away from the food trucks.)

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