Latest Texas Education News Proves: Reproduction is Way Overrated

childbirth.jpg
"Unless they've figured out this schools thing, I want no part of this shit."
So much happening on the education front these days. Earlier this week, Mayor Mike Rawlings broke with tradition and endorsed candidates for Dallas Independent School District's board. Not in his capacity as mayor, of course. That would be against the city's ethics rules. No, this was just good ol' Mike telling you who he thinks should run the schools. Just between you and him and assorted business folk -- wink, wink.

Speaking of which, The Dallas Morning News editorialized last week that DISD candidate Damarcus Offord -- who didn't get a big, friendly, hug-of-Mikeness -- was basically too ignorant to serve on the DISD board because he doesn't know little piddly, wonkish details, like what a bond issue is. We're not saying the News was being unjust, but it was unkind. Who can blame Offord for not knowing stuff? He went through DISD, after all.

(Then again, Offord responded to getting snubbed by the mayor by filing an ethics complaint in which he misspelled Rawlings' name -- every single time he wrote it.)

In other education/ignoramus news, Texas State Board of Education candidate Gail Spurlock revealed the shocking truth: The pilgrims -- those guys with the turkeys and witch trials -- were communists. Yes, friend, you may think the Mayflower Compact was a template for the self governance, but that's because you have been deluded -- hornswoggled, amigo -- by the likes of those DISD pinko teachers who support men like Damarcus Offord.

And then there was former SBOE member Don McLeroy, who said on the Colbert Report on Monday that man and dinosaur "absolutely" walked the earth together. Or drove maybe. In cars they started with their feet. He didn't elaborate.

Now comes Unfair Park to synthesize all this education action. What, big picture-wise, does all this mean to you, the humble citizen? Well, it's simple really: Don't have children. Drown those you have like they were unwanted puppies. Cruel, sure, but better than tossing them into the hands of the public education system.

Too harsh? OK then, sissy, listen to this instead. We chatted with Dan Quinn, spokesman for the Texas Freedom Network, a group of SBOE watchdogs, to get his take on McLeroy's TV appearance. Naturally, he said it explains a lot about the state of the SBOE and Texas education. But he also pointed out that this is the first time in 10 years that all 15 SBOE seats are up for election simultaneously.

"This is an opportunity for voters to finally say they have had enough to clean house," Quinn says.

Voting. Yeah, that's probably better than homicide, although we should note that a soaking wet sponge is ideal for housecleaning and ... other things.

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Yomama
Yomama

That's a fuckin' tasteless photo.

CheeryBitch
CheeryBitch

Damn glad my kid is in private school.

RTGolden
RTGolden

"Now comes Unfair Park to synthesize all this education action. What, big picture-wise, does all this mean to you, the humble citizen? Well, it's simple really: Don't have children. Drown those you have like they were unwanted puppies."I guess I should expect this from the same bunch who claim GW was both a bumbling idiot and a sinister mastermind bent on world domination.  How can the religious right be both against having children when you're talking about education and yet against your right to kill children when you're discussing abortion laws?

Inquiring minds and all that, since you did bring up 'big picture'.

Albert
Albert

Just what the hell is going on in  that photo, anyway?

Diane Birdwell
Diane Birdwell

It is a republican, checking to make sure she is not hiding anything.

Jared Heath
Jared Heath

Yeah, that's NSFW in a serious way.  

Joe Tone
Joe Tone

I've changed the image to make it more SFW. My apologies to your cubicle mates and those watchful colleagues in IT.

primi timpano
primi timpano

 I really liked the original photo.  It had an evocative strangeness to it: Naked pregnant girl, consoled by girl number two, with the counterpoint of girl number 3 sitting alone wondering when whatever is going on is going to end.

McDoom
McDoom

Despite my protestations above, I completely agree. The original was a very poignant photo and rather fitting for the post...but when I was scrolling down catching up on some Unfair Park after a busy morning at work, the cursor went up to the "X" faster than it has in a long time.

Joe, I appreciate your reply above. Keep up the good (safe for) work.

McDoom
McDoom

Holy shit DO. Are you trying to get permabanned by every corporate firewall in existence? At least put that picture after the jump with a NSFW warning.

Joe Tone
Joe Tone

But it's medical! OK, OK, we need to be better at the whole NSFW thing. That's twice in two days. Shit. My sincerest apologies.

Doug
Doug

Second article in DO I've looked at in the last ten minutes where merkin comes to mind!!  WHAT IS UP?????  Looks like the condom broke.  Or, so much for that abstinence thing.

Branden Helms
Branden Helms

Yes, I can see how something like giving birth can make you want to drop your pants and rub one out right there.

ObserverFan
ObserverFan

 At least she isn't backed up to a light switch

primi timpano
primi timpano

Forgot to comment on the headline:  Reproduction is definitely way overrated--surprised more boyfriends aren't killed or eunuched by big brothers--but practicing reproduction is vastly underrated.

primi timpano
primi timpano

Is that a nekked girl with a full bush in the picture? Has Joe Tone already skipped town?

Joe Tone
Joe Tone

Joe Tone picked the picture. And it should be noted that while I chose that photo for its comedic caption-writing potential, I think it's a really cool photo.

primi timpano
primi timpano

" (Then again, Offord responded to getting snubbed by the mayor by filing an ethics complaint in which he misspelled Rawlings' name -- every single time he wrote it.)"

Probably the residual DISD phonetics education.  That's the way I and every other Texan not raised carpetbagging say it.  Never listened to Raawlins but would not be surprised if he says it this way, too.  Everybody starts from zero somewhere.  I'd rather have an ingenue's curious open mind at DISD than the current embarrassment of stooges, dunces and female impersonators.  It worked ok for Jimmy Stewart and Gary Cooper when they went to town.

Phelps
Phelps

Homeschooling doesn't look so wacky now that it's your ox being gored, eh?

mark zero (Jason)
mark zero (Jason)

Just because some wacky people are temporarily more visible in the public eye doesn't mean other people we don't see are at all less wacky. If anything, it reminds us that if people think these things make enough sense to spout in public, what's being taught without oversight might be even worse.

You could teach your kids that the world is just a big disc -- a sort of dinner plate -- sitting on the backs of four turtles that trundle through the cosmos (Terry Pratchett has a series of books about this), and as long as they pass the mandated educational exams nobody would catch it.

Larry
Larry

The reply to McLeroy is to put a picture of him next to a T Rex and ask him how his ancestors survived.

Dumb IS as Dumb does.

Joe Tone
Joe Tone

Dude. You could have told me this before I had a kid and bought a house. I wonder what Baylor's return policy is.

Paul
Paul

 No refunds, No exchanges, No warranty expressed or implied.  Use at your sole risk and peril.  Your results may vary.  Past performance is no indicator of future results.  This is neither an offer to sell nor an offer to buy which is done only through the prospectus.  Check with your health care provider before undertaking such a program.  Some people may experience side effects such as nausea, indigestion, sweaty palms, anxiety attacks, bankruptcy, psychoses, loss of memory, dizziness, frustration, disappointment and unexpected liabilities.  Unfortunately, you cannot stop if you experience any of these symptoms.

Joe Tone
Joe Tone

Once again, shoulda read the fine print.

primi timpano
primi timpano

 Change you name, burn down the house and move to Argentina.  Whether with or without family is a personal choice, just remember to tell God you are sorry while swearing allegiance to him and President Kirchner..  Once you are down there you can be whoever you want to be, but advise leaving Spaniards and Secret Service agents off the the new resume.  You'll have to learn a bunch of soccer rules and call it futball but therules are not too different from hockey, just slower and less fighting on the field of play.

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