Happy Opening Day. Let's Predict Some Stuff.

Categories: Sports

rancgersopeningday.jpg
Mike Mezeul
See more photos of last year's Opening Day in this slideshow.
Oh, it's a Good Friday alright. Maybe the best Friday, if you happen to have a job that allows you escape the cubical farm and head to the nearest TV-and-frosty-beer-equipped bar with your fellow farmers. (For bar suggestions, mosey here.) Going to the game? Well, then, it's an Even Better Friday.

In honor of this sacred day, we asked intern and Rangers fetishist Sara Blankeship to survey local Rangers media members about their expectations for the season. The results are still pouring (OK, trickling) in, and we'll update this as they do. (Come on, people; her grade, and her life, depends on it.) For now, as you see below, there's some consensus out there: 90-something wins, a trip to the ACLS or beyond, and a whole lot of tubed meat.

Make your own predictions in the comments, and may today exorcise the demons in your soul. Especially that handsome one who looks like David Freese.

Evan Grant, Dallas Morning News
1. How many games will the Rangers win this season?
94, am on record with that in the paper

2. How far will they go?
They will beat the LA Dodgers in the World Series; that prediction runs in the Friday paper.

3. How many feet of press-box hot dogs will you eat this season?
I've always been told size doesn't matter, but bottom line is I'm a hot dog snob. If it's not Hebrew National or Nathan's I'll usually pass. Press Box pizza on the other, hand, I may down a pie or 10.

4. How many games will Yu Darvsh win?
14.

5. It's virtually certain that Torrealba beats the shit out of an umpire this season. Who should it be?
I never endorse assault, but I'd be completely fine with a verbal beatdown of balk-calling, ballplayer-baiting Bob Davidson.

6. Assuming the Rangers make the playoffs, who will be their Game One starter?
Derek Holland

Their Game One closer?
Joe Nathan

8. What, if any, postseason awards will Rangers win this year?
Gold Gloves for most of the infield: Kinsler, Andrus, Beltre. Kinsler has a shot at MVP this year, I think.

9. On what date will you sit up in bed and say to your wife/husband/blow-up doll, "That's it -- no more press box food for me. It feels like there's a 32 oz. Louisville Slugger in my carotid artery."
I've already said this to my wife/girlfriend/blow-up doll.

10. Who's your least favorite Rangers media personality, and why?
Me. I have a definite case of self loathing.

*****

Kevin Sherrington, Dallas Morning News
1. How many games will the Rangers win this season?
95

2. How far will they go?
ALCS

3. How many feet of press-box hot dogs will you eat this season?
Zero

4. How many games will Yu Darvsh win?
14

5. It's virtually certain that Torrealba beats the shit out of an umpire this season. Who should it be?
(No answer, so we can only assume it's this guy.)

6. Assuming the Rangers make the playoffs, who will be their Game One starter?
Holland

7. Their Game One closer?
Nathan

8. What, if any, postseason awards will Rangers win this year?
ROY, Darvish

9. On what date will you sit up in bed and say to your wife/husband/blow-up doll, "That's it -- no more press box food for me. It feels like there's a 32 oz. Louisville Slugger in my carotid artery."
My wife would just assume I'm talking in my sleep, which, come to think of it, is the way she reacts to everything I say.

10. Who's your least favorite Rangers media personality, and why?
Yorvit Torrealba. He likes to walk into the clubhouse and start yelling for no apparent reason. John Wetteland was the same type. He used to fire fastballs into the metal lockers just to see how high we'd jump.

*****

Sean Bass, 1310 The Ticket
1. How many games will the Rangers win this season?
94

2. How far will they go?
ALCS, hoping for the whole thing.

3. How many feet of press-box hot dogs will you eat this season?
Pizza guy here

4. How many games will Yu Darvsh win?
17

5. It's virtually certain that Torrealba beats the shit out of an umpire this season. Who should it be?
Joe West, no question.

6. Assuming the Rangers make the playoffs, who will be their Game One starter?
Colbra Lewis

7. Their Game One closer?
Joe Nathan - I hope.

8. What, if any, postseason awards will Rangers win this year?
Adrian Beltre- Gold Glove, Jon Daniels-Bad Ass Motherfucker of the Year Award

9. On what date will you sit up in bed and say to your wife/husband/blow-up doll, "That's it -- no more press box food for me. It feels like there's a 32 oz. Louisville Slugger in my carotid artery."
I try to eat enough fruit to balance out the pizza. I'll say May 19th.

10. Who's your least favorite Rangers media personality, and why?
Kevin Turner. He abducts kids that look like Julio Borbon.

*****

TR Sullivan, MLB.com
1. How many games will the Rangers win this season?
92

2. How far will they go?
Win the World Series

3. How many feet of press-box hot dogs will you eat this season?
Zero

4. How many games will Yu Darvsh win?
15

5. It's virtually certain that Torrealba beats the shit out of an umpire this season. Who should it be?
(No answer, so we can only assume he thinks Torrealba will beat up too many umpires to name.)

6. Assuming the Rangers make the playoffs, who will be their Game One starter?
Darvish

7. Their Game One closer?
Joe Nathan

8. What, if any, postseason awards will Rangers win this year?
Darvish will win Rookie of the Year

9. On what date will you sit up in bed and say to your wife/husband/blow-up doll, "That's it -- no more press box food for me. It feels like there's a 32 oz. Louisville Slugger in my carotid artery."
The Press Box food at the Ballpark in Arlington is outstanding and extremelly healthy. My doctor would love me if I ate what they served at the Ballpark every day.

10. Who's your least favorite Rangers media personality, and why?
The television lady from Dallas who once insulted me to my face in New York one year.

*****
Ty Walker, 1310 The Ticket
1. How many games will the Rangers win this season?
94 games

2. How far will they go?
Win AL West, lose in ALCS to NYY

3. How many feet of press-box hot dogs will you eat this season?
When you put it that way, none

4. How many games will Yu Darvsh win? 16

5. It's virtually certain that Torrealba beats the shit out of an umpire this season. Who should it be?
Joe West or John Hirschbeck

6. Assuming the Rangers make the playoffs, who will be their Game One starter?
Yu

7. Their Game One closer?
Nathan

8. What, if any, postseason awards will Rangers win this year?
None

9. On what date will you sit up in bed and say to your wife/husband/blow-up doll, "That's it -- no more press box food for me. It feels like there's a 32 oz. Louisville Slugger in my carotid artery."
NEVER

10. Who's your least favorite Rangers media personality, and why?
Ric Renner ... Just look at him ...

*****

Gina Miller, aka That Sports Girl
1. How many games will the Rangers win this season?
94

2. How far will they go?
World Series. They beat the Phillies.

3. How many feet of press-box hot dogs will you eat this season?

Zero, can't do the dogs.

4. How many games will Yu Darvsh win?
14

5. It's virtually certain that Torrealba beats the shit out of an umpire this season. Who should it be?
I guarantee he won't. Now, I wouldn't be shocked if he whooped up on a media person. Anyone BUT the great Evan Grant is a possibility. He's the Happy Baseball Buddha.

6. Assuming the Rangers make the playoffs, who will be their Game One starter?
Derek Holland

7. Their Game One closer?
Joe Nathan
8. What, if any, postseason awards will Rangers win this year?
I don't think they get a single one. They're the definition of team.

9. On what date will you sit up in bed and say to your wife/husband/blow-up doll, "That's it -- no more press box food for me. It feels like there's a 32 oz. Louisville Slugger in my carotid artery." Not sure that will happen. Both husband and I have undying love for Wanda's press box chicken salad.

10. Who's your least favorite Rangers media personality, and
Me. I can't stand watch myself on camera.



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28 comments
Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

They haven't even played game 2 yet.

I'm already sick of Jim fucking Knox.

primi timpano
primi timpano

WAR for 2009  2010  2011

Kinsler    5.0  3.7  5.4Cano       4.9  6.5  4.6Pedroia    4.7  3.7  6.8Phillips    2.0  2.6  2.0Uggla      2.0  4.2  1.6

nofoosball4you
nofoosball4you

Angels win the West. Tigers win the ALCS. Tigers win the WS....Sparky Anderson rises from the grave, defeats Satan and cast him into the lake of fire(aka, summertime in Texas). Some Ranger fan gets arrested for, lewd and lascivious acts, having to do with that new monstrosity of a hot dog. Fin

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Josh-atorial time:

Opening Day, great weather..Masters weekend..Easter egg hunting with the kiddoes..life is good.

If this thing makes the playoffs:

#1: O.S.B. will have Colbyashi starting them if healthy, if not flip a coin for Yu and Dutch.#2:  I'll predict 95 wins#3: Yu for ROY#4: GG's for Josh, Lil E, Beltre#5: We win the AL West, defeat Tigers in ALDS, defeat NYY in ALCS and defeat PHI in the WS.  #6: Give me 16-19 wins for Yu. Same for Dutch...future of this team is pitching and defense.#7: Love you Nap Nap Wiener and Hambone, it's been a great run..finish this damn year off this effing time and we will all bid you farewell and look back at you fondly as your cashing them big checks from your next employer.#8: Methinks Nelly stays healthy and looks like he did against DET in the playoffs, goes for 45 hr's and 125 RBI's.#9: Kins for MVP and pay this guy JD..he's the FACE of our near future...no offense MY 

If I hadn't of saved this post with my brilliant analysis, this was a bigger throw away article than most that run on COA, thanks for completely dissasembling the group of sport fans that used to visit this very same corner of the interwebs, on a daily basis, Joe.  About time to hire some more food writers, right?  Probably time to run off Schutz too, that way you won't have any writers worth a damn, other than L double D's that is.

primi timpano
primi timpano

Will be a little tougher on the Rangers this year.  A lot of young pitchers have to step up and beating the Angels to get better home field advantages will be difficult.  If the pitchers do well, they go all the way.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

Predictions:

Rangers win 93 and AL West. Barely. CJ retires to become a test pilot for a plane he builds himself and pulls a John Denver.I will be sick of the Rangers down-home Blue Bell-esque marketing campaign by the end of April.Kinsler will find a way to miss a month with what is originally called a day-to-day injury.Holland will grow mutton chops.Nolan will require time off after Snow Monkey Night.Oakland announces relocation to Salt Lake City.Kergo drives us nuts with Red Sox references.Wilonsky comes back to the Observer after the DMN goes all-in on Cue Cat 2.Rangers win World Series over a random NL team. Phillies sounds good enough.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

Rangers win 92 and the division, Darvish gets 2nd in Cy Young and is Rookie of the Year.  We lose to the Tigers in the ALCS. 

Bill Lumbergh
Bill Lumbergh

If Holland can manage to be as consistent as possible this year, I fully expect him to be #1 come playoffs.

Joe Tone
Joe Tone

I've missed you, JBG. Come around more often, will you?

Sam_Merten
Sam_Merten

Paying for Kinsler would be a big mistake. We still have him for this year and next, and he'll be a free agent at 31 and on the decline. Let him walk and give the gig to Profar if he's ready and still with the organization or someone else. 

Sam_Merten
Sam_Merten

Eff Detroit! We're winning it all this year.

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Place funny oral joke, and anal joke here......just five bucks!  Please call Tyronius Walker at 214-787-131, if "inerstead".  Deep Ellum Arts Festy rocked.  

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

I bet he would (as would others) if your ratio of shitty foodie posts to sporty posts would drop below 1,412:1...

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

You are the guy that wanted to trade Profar and the other gems of our minors for Shields, right? You cain't have it both ways, If we aren't going to resign Hambone (and we aren't, and I'm pretty OK with that) and your gonna lose Nap and then lose Boomstick after next year probably..I want to keep Kins and his slump shouldered popups.

Decline my arse, IF (big word) he can stay healthy..Kins is a superstar.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

I'm glad somebody with a much bigger baseball brain than me feels that way about Kinsler. If he's not going to sign 5 for $15 per, why in the world would they want to keep him if it's going to cost more than that? Plus I don't see him as a corner outfielder just to clear the way for Profar.

Kinsler is very good, but he's not great.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

Oh, and Im looking forward to taking you down in our baseball leagues!  Good Luck

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

I like the way you think! I enjoyed your predictions on twitter yesterday. You are my leader, I havent seen any tweets about articles you've penned for CT, Yu still writing over there? 

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

and with those stats why is he leading off?  I say let him go, Id rather have nap, Kins is no robinson cano, and if we had taking the right guy, cano would have been ours...OOOOOF

primi timpano
primi timpano

 Have to agree about Kinsler.  Good bat for a second baseman but what I always seem to remember is him getting caught off-base or making a bonehead running error.  The Rangers may not have much of a window left; they need to play all the chips now.

Sam_Merten
Sam_Merten

Yes, I wanted to deal Profar for Shields, but that obviously didn't happen. And it wasn't because I don't like Profar; I'd just be more than willing to deal him for guys that can help us win a championship NOW. I'd still advocate doing so for the right return, which is why I said "if ... he's still with the organization."

Why is it a given that we'll lose Nappy? I think we have a shot, but not if we give all that dough to Kins, who is not a superstar.

He's never finished in the top 10 of MVP voting. He hit .253 and .255 in the two years that even came close to superstar-type seasons. He's never posted an OPS above .892. And last year was the first time -- let me repeat -- first time he's played more than 144 games.

Pass.

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

That lasted a long time..WTF? They decided to allocate your monies toward the lastest in side scrolling technology?

Sam_Merten
Sam_Merten

Nope, no longer writing for CT. And good luck to you as well in fantasy, although I've already talked with Laura Miller about a route for my championship parade.

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