Our Handy Guide to Surviving St. Patty's Day on Greenville, with Frequently Asked Questions

blurry st pattys day.jpg
Ray and Peter Lek
When things start to look like this, it's maybe time to catch a cab.
You know that the St. Patty's Day festivities are happening this weekend along Greenville Avenue, but exactly when do the leprechaun keg stands start? And when is it Irish Car Bomb-thirty?

Angela Hunt provided this handy guide to the St. Patrick's Day fun, and the police offered up a list of Frequently Asked Questions. But both elements were missing some thngs, so we made some edits.

First off, you'll need a map. Here's the traffic plan that the city provided (with a few small changes), which helpfully points out street closures and detour routes.

st-pattys-day-parade-map1.jpg
You're probably still wondering about event timing. Some of our questions weren't included in DPD's FAQs, so we set about answering both them and some SLFAQs (Slightly Less Frequently Asked Questions):

Q: Where and when do those a-holes start that 5k thing that gets in the way of me getting my beer?
A: The a-holes will be running a 5k from 8 a.m.- 11 a.m..

Q: When does the dang parade start, anyway?
A: 11 a.m., starting at Blackwell and Greenville. If you don't know where (or what) Blackwell and Greenville are at 11 a.m., you probably need to slow down on the booze shots. And maybe eat something.

Q: Where's the street party?
A: On Greenville Avenue, between Vanderbilt and Vickery. The 2900 block of Greenville Avenue will be shut down to vehicular traffic on Saturday from 9 a.m. until approximately 8 p.m. Don't try to drive anywhere near here in your car, People of Dallas Who Hate This Event or Have Other Obligations Besides "WOOOOO!! IRISH!!! DRANKIN'!!!!" On Saturday.

Q: Can I camp or sleep overnight to save a parking space?
A: The Dallas Police Department says "No overnight camping or sleeping in parking lots will be allowed." What they mean is, "No, loser. Maybe get a social life instead."

Q: Can I set up a spontaneous stage, band or DJ in an area where a group of friends will be together?
A: Dallas Police Department says that "Special Event Permits are required for any amplified music in parking lots either public or private." What they mean is, "No. Your band sucks."

Q: Can I bring my own booze, park where there are signs that clearly say "no parking," park on the grass of the frontage road by Central Expressway or use propane or butane to grill?
A: No, dummy.

Q: Seriously, when are the leprechaun keg stands?
A: 12 p.m.

Q: How do I know when it's time to go home?
A: A flier from Dallas City Coucilwoman Angela Hunt says that "The street sales of alcohol will end at 6:30 p.m. or earlier if DPD deems necessary." So, that'll be around the time you'll probably head to a bar or an after-party. But another good rule of thumb for calling it a night is when you see the DJ start farting. That's his secret cue to you that the partying has been fun, but now it's over.

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Ray and Peter Lek
Guess it's time to call it a night, everybody.
Have a happy and safe St. Patrick's Day. And get a cab. You need one.

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27 comments
Effff Yu
Effff Yu

Too much hostility here. Get a fucking life you fucking fucks.

Rumpunch
Rumpunch

Let's try something new this year.  Instead of bitching at each other monday morning like we do every year regarding the balance of fun versus property rights, let try and get along this year.

As an area resident, I would like to present several facts up front.  (Therefore, they are unnecessary as points of order in your argument.

1. I was aware of the proximity of my house to Greenville and the related festivities prior to the purchase of my house.

2.  The vast majority of the party-goers cause absolutely no problems.

3. A enormous amount of people and sound will be part of this event.

The events and the bars give my neighborhood the flavor that makes it unique, and I understand people's desire to visit.  From my lawn, its also great people watching time and my family, neighbors and myself have a great time out on the lawn enjoying the scene. 

I just ask the following things which should be added any party-goers guide for a fun day:

1.  I did not designate which areas are no parking.  Therefore, please do not yell at me or my children when you receive a ticket or find that your car has been towed.

2. I do respect (and to a point envy) your right to have fun including drinking, crowds and loud music. However, please avoid the deposit of any trash on my property. I generally have a trash can out front for my festivities, and have had a few party-goers ask nicely to use my trash can.

3. The same goes for rejection of injested liquids (both voluntary and involuntary).  However, unlike trash cans, you may not use my john.

4. Avoid the desire to break things on my property (including but not limited to my shrubs, fencing).  Seems like a no brainer request, however there are a few which need to be told each year.

5.  If you have the desire to engage in unsolicited play or conversation with my younger children in my yard, please understand that this may be met with a degree of suspicion and hostility.  

If the above are followed, then most area residents problems with the day are satisfied.    

pleasedon'tshockmymonkey
pleasedon'tshockmymonkey

So, instead of bitching after, you wish to bitch before? Check!

Rumpunch
Rumpunch

Not bitching. Just suggesting. I am trying to avoid the every year debate of whether the neighborhood is trying to kill Greenville by not letting drunks piss on our yards.

:)
:)

i promise to ask to use your trash can if I may need to dispose of an empty container.Please be nice enough to recycle :)

Alfredo
Alfredo

Be sure and stop by and visit the Barking Dog he always likes to chat with friendly drunks 

GusMitchem
GusMitchem

Greatness

Step 1. Wake up Early Step 2. Start Drinking        2a. Be friendly, be happy, meet you neighbors treat them descent       2b. Talk like your going to start doing this more often and how nice it is to be nice Step 3. As the shadows grow long, begin to get irritated, drunk, hungry, and dirty maybe a       shade sunburned

Step 4. Resume the normal Dallas mood of not giving a damm about your fellow humans   

I love it my Favorite Dallas Day of the year

G_David
G_David

As in "descent" into hell???

littlegreenman
littlegreenman

Is there beer going to be sold at the parade or do i need to bring my own?!?!?!?!?

Evilisa
Evilisa

 Better to bring your own in a small cooler or cooler on wheels.  You can't take it to the overcrowded fenced in street party of fools but you will need it for the parade.

Harvey
Harvey

Best option. Stay home.  Dang sure ain't gettin' to the pet clinic.  

MushMouth1
MushMouth1

 Nobody goes to the parade anymore. It's too crowded.

GusMitchem
GusMitchem

 I really love what you did there, being OLD I almost agreed

G_David
G_David

Yes, quoting Yogi Berra is the kind of talent we should all aspire to.

kingbrad2534
kingbrad2534

What the fuck is up with a story from Alice with no cursing? Total fucking bullshit if you ask me.....

Joe Tone
Joe Tone

Thank you for the fucking feedback, Brad. We will address the balls out of this shit during Alice's annual review.

DaTruth
DaTruth

A St Patrick's Day parade actually held on St Patrick's Day in Dallas? This must be the beginning of the Mayan end times.

Anon
Anon

I think it happens once every 5-7 years. you know, just a guess based on the existence of the modern calendar 

RC
RC

Wow, celebrities like Squiggy show up at that bar!

engmofo
engmofo

I thought it was Jerry Only on his day off.....

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