A Quick Kick at Rick, While He's Still Around

Categories: Get Off My Lawn

SHZ_GetOffMyLawn_TitleImageV2.jpg
I'm afraid Rick Perry will evaporate soon from the presidential coverage, and I won't get to say my little piece about him. So just in case, here it is.

Months ago I was asked by the company I work for to produce a piece about Perry's so-called economic miracle in Texas. My first response was to say that his economic miracle was irrelevant, because the moment he hit the national press scene he was going to disappear like spit on a griddle, because he's stupid.

But right when I said it, he shot way up in the polls. So I was afraid I might just look lazy, like, "Economics, oh, man, that was my worst subject." So I did this big project on his economic miracle. Surprise, surprise: It wasn't a miracle, and it wasn't even all that economic.

But all the time I was working on it, Perry was out there on the hustings doing his dumb and dumber routine, getting moved farther toward the end of the dais in the debates and plunging lower and lower in the damned polls. I kept trying to hurry up the economic miracle story, because I was afraid by the time I got it in print it would be one big "Duh!" Like, "Jesse Ventura no good at quantum physics."

Perry is the most dramatic example to date of the effect of the Texas media bubble. With the exception of the Houston Chronicle, the big dailies in Texas give people like Perry an almost free ride -- kid gloves and a respect he does not deserve. The Dallas Morning News has a headline today, "Perry hits stride, but time short."

No. IQ is short. The man cannot talk.

perryoop.jpg
"Hmm, lessee. Abortion, abortion ... that'd be under 'B' for 'baby killin',' right?"
Look at him even now in Iowa, under extreme pressure to sound like he knows what he's saying, and every time he has to state his core beliefs he buries his nose a foot deep in his notes. He's down there with his finger on the page searching for his current position on abortion like he's trying to find Waldo.

Look, I'm not giving myself a free pass here. I wrote a story about his economic miracle. I feel like I could just as well have done a big story proving that he can't fly on his own without an airplane.

We might as well face it. The bottom line, when this thing finally hits the bottom line, will be that our governor went forth into the world and proved himself a dimwit. A glorious, towering dimwit. A dimwit for all seasons.

You know what. I really don't even want to make this a big liberal-conservative thing. It's not about that. I don't think conservatives should be blamed. Well. I mean, they do have a certain penchant for a certain type, judging by the primaries. But, no, let's not go there. We need to begin the healing. We need to recognize the real issue in our governor's sordid plight. It's the stupid, stupid.

You want a Rick Perry miracle? Get him to say, "Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan" three times real fast. Please don't vote for him for president if he gets it right, but do give the poor fellow a sticker.

My Voice Nation Help
54 comments
Cyclecog
Cyclecog

Funny how The Observer never critiques Barrack H. Obama.   Oh, but then again, there is never any balance here.  Whatever.

Jd
Jd

Cant wait to see Jim kick around Obama. 

Rooster
Rooster

I realize I'm beginning to sound like a broken record, but for the life of me I can't understand how this clown ever got serious consideration as a candidate for the fucking presidency.

Texasdave60
Texasdave60

oh please can we move to discussion to recalling him?

Rt76209
Rt76209

The mistake a good many people will make, as you have, is to think Rick Perry stupid.  He is not.  While he was not a good student he is probably a remarkably intelligent person, as most con men are. 

mmarks
mmarks

I loved this column even more than I can't stand our blowhard governor.

Dalguy
Dalguy

The fact that Perry defeated Bill White in the governor's election speaks volumes about the majority of Texas voters.  DUH?

mark zero (Jason)
mark zero (Jason)

The nicest thing I can think of to say right now is that it's a good thing for him he didn't quit his current job to run, like he wanted other officeholders to do in the past when they ran for higher offices.

Ellum08
Ellum08

While I agree 100% with you Jim, (wow, I never thought I would say that!), don't count out Guv Goodhair just yet. The man has more lives than a freaking cat. He'll do well enough in Iowa to fool himself into thinking he should press along toward the goal. He'll continue at least through South Carolina, which will be the true test of who is still on his bandwagon. But you are right, it shouldn't be too long now.

When he announced his plans to run, I prayed to the Sweet Baby Jesus that he would finally be exposed for the dolt he is. Never, and I mean NEVER, did I expect the prayer to be answered in such wonderous fashion. It has truly been one of the greatest joys of my life watching his complete and total implosion.

Willie
Willie

I am from Illinois and I have to say that while the recent guvs of Texas are pretty stupid, they really can't hold a candle to the recent guvs of Illinois, who are stupid, convicted felons, although I have to admit that some of Guv Goodhair's shenanigans could land him in the pokey. 

Myrna Minkoff-Katz
Myrna Minkoff-Katz

This fool needs to get off the national stage and stop making Texas a laughing stock.

plfarmer
plfarmer

I believe they use the wrong finger for the Govenor passback

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Only in Texas would we elect a guy as dumb as a box of rocks.  He follows in the great George Bush tradition.  Ya'll make it a three peat, and elect that brain dead mallot called Craig James to elected office.  Again, only in Texas.  People laugh at us!  

Augie
Augie

The Texas media gets a giant raspberry from any thinking person.  They have never held Perry's feet to the fire, questioned him, asked him to state his belief as to any meaningful topic, but instead been very good soldiers and reprinted whatever Perry's handlers told them too.  They are the only folks who should be more embarrassed than Perry himself, now that the truth is out - Perry is a vessel for other people's ideas and while pretty and full of good hair, he has zero thoughts of his own or convictions as to anything other than saying what he is told to. He doesn't even know why he says the things he says!   

My hope in the future is that the Texas Tribune will have the balls and firepower to hold politicians accountable in this state, because the newspapers are concerned with only one thing, selling more subscriptions to their dying media and the local news channels have all but killed off investigative journalism.  (check out the Texastribune.org if you are not...real journalism still exists!)  

The only solace is that while Texans put this man in office longer than any person in Texas history, at least the nation is smart enough to rigorously examine their candidates and insist that chimp level IQ is simply not good enough for commander in Chief.  Thank God!

Judd D. Bradbury
Judd D. Bradbury

Yes the healing would be great except the grand canyon of policy difference between the two points of view. Texas has had a very good climate for business and the "rubber meets the road" reality of businesses moving to Texas year after year.(as opposed to literary conjecture) Perry is very good at selecting the best policy options available. Debate and public speaking are obviously not his strong suits. I am still waiting on the name of the states with better growth from their policy choices.

Sa
Sa

Jim, you've got me thinking.  Who are we gonna kick around when Perry bows out? The other candidates just aren't as fun.

Well,  at least we'll get another shot at him when he runs for governor again. And boy, won't his opponent have fun with all the video clips of him being dumb this year?

That is, assuming the world doesn't end in 2012. 

Cujo
Cujo

So do we get to see the %^#%^$%^%$^$ article or not?

Montemalone
Montemalone

You forget to tell him to say "Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan" to the melody of a Flock of Seagulls song.

Guest
Guest

You guys are way too mean to Governor Perry. The guy is obviously a very principled guy. Like how he's steadfastly against activist judges overturning the laws passed by duly elected legislators.... except in Virginia when it comes to ballot access laws.

And like how he's for state's rights to pass the laws that they see fit and for the Feds to butt out.... except in Virginia when it comes to ballot access laws.

And so on.

Max from the Sandspit
Max from the Sandspit

If the Dems could ever run someone other that  a damn trial lawyer they might have a better chance.  So what do you think of Ron Paul, at least Mz. Jackson-Lee ain't running or we'd be kicked out of the union. Humm that might not be such a bad idea.

Borborygmus
Borborygmus

Craig James? Please. Doesn't stand a chance. Dewie Dewhurst is going to bury all competitors with his $200 million war chest. Unbeknownst to most, he's the power behind the government. Kind of the hand up the puppet's ass, as it were. Blame him for Texas' political problems. He and his posse make Karl Rove look like a political pussy.

Myrna Minkoff-Katz
Myrna Minkoff-Katz

Not originally from Texas I find the people here extremely ignorant when it comes to politics.

cp
cp

I thought you were from the East Coast.

Montemalone
Montemalone

You're not being fair to boxes or rocks.

Tim Dickey
Tim Dickey

Even the Texas Tribune backed off, when it came to estimating the true amount of the budget deficit in the last session of the Legislature!  They continually published, and never seriously questioned a $13-15 billion figure, put out there by Perry & Co. when everyone knew the true figure would come to $25-$27 billion. 

Montemalone
Montemalone

I blame it on climate change.The incessant heat for 5-6 months leading up to election day bakes all the little gray cells and the gopers just punch R and don't even try to think about it.

Randy S
Randy S

You might want to check the facts before making the statement that Texas is doing so much better than other states.

McDoom
McDoom

Yeah, Perry runs again in '14, no doubt. The real fun comes in '18 when Glenn Beck will run for guv.

MattL1
MattL1

Click on the first link contained in the above text and watch the magic!

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

I like the way you 'liked" the comment 11 times!  We are not  MEAN enough to that guy; and principled-oh brother, I bet "he don't even know what dat mean".  

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

I just want to make sure "heli dad" doesn't win ANY office; even reserve police officer for the state.  I hate that guy.  AND I only hate a few folks-let's see:

1) Craig James2) Adam Lames-he he3) Bucky Dent4) Aaron Boone5) That guy that stole my girlfriend  in the 7th grade, because he had a Mongoose Scrambler. 

Hate destroys......just remember that. And be vigilant with the peace, and recycling!

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

You ma'am, are SO correct.  They employed the "good ole boy network" for nearly a century.  Change is good.

Judd D. Bradbury
Judd D. Bradbury

I read it again just to make sure. It cost me an eye roll from my wife. States with better performance for business locations are not listed. There are only 49 other choices and I believe the longest has 13 letters.

Judd D. Bradbury
Judd D. Bradbury

Randy I appreciate your concern but I think I have a pretty good command of the facts. You may want to check out Texas performance against other states over the last decade.

http://www.siteselection.com/

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

All due respect, but a snarky comment does not constitute the names of states with better growth from their policy choices...

Montemalone
Montemalone

By 2018, he'll be emperor of Glenbeckistan, which exists completely inside abandoned missile silos in Kansas.

Cujo
Cujo

Thanks! I was confused as I thought he meant an article Jim or his editors hadn't released for publication.

cp
cp

I think he was being sarcastic. Go back to the food blog!

Guest
Guest

You can't "like" your own comments here.

(And, maybe you read too quickly, but I thought the sarcasm in my post was clear).

Judd D. Bradbury
Judd D. Bradbury

These points of review are where an honest debate should be held. Not too sure Texas has rolled back their child labor laws and the workplace safety rollback sounds like a stretch. I will take the pro on 1, 3, and some of 2. We will have to hammer these points of view out as a country. I know that we will all have to adjust some for the country to work well. Here is to a better 2012, may the best ideas win.

JimS
JimS

Judd, the problem is your definition of "better performance for business locations." The best performance award, I suppose, might go to that place with the lowest taxes, the least environmental restriction, the weakest tort law, the slackest workplace safety and child labor laws. But that place is called Hell. 

Judd D. Bradbury
Judd D. Bradbury

Border states have larger challenges absorbing their influx of residents from the South as well as the North. I remember reading a number of articles about people in Eastern block countries voting with their feet toward the West. I agree with promoting the highest skill job development and immigration. Often you cannot selectively pick the exact sectors you want like they were on a menu. I have consistently been is favor of a good blend of everything at all levels of skills. That old idea of he melting pot.

Guest
Guest

I'm not sure what Perry has specifically done, other than enact an income tax on businesses (and dole out taxpayer money to cronies through the various state funds) that has changed the business climate in Texas from what it was under the last several governors.

And, under Perry, we went from having 47% of the state's residents having a job to 43.5% (below the national average of 44.7%), and since Texas has the highest number of people working minimum wage jobs, having lower overall employment means we're not only not keeping up with population growth when it comes to jobs, but those jobs that are created are more likely to be low-paying (minimum wage jobs in Texas grew by almost 150% between 2007 and 2010).

Also, 23 states (including New York) have lower unemployment rates than Texas.

Growth is certainly better than the alternative, but the growth we're getting isn't helping the state in any number of ways (tax revenues are consistently down at both the state and local level, employment is down, minimum wage jobs are growing much faster than professional jobs, etc.) We might be smart to enact policies that result in slower growth but growth that results in better jobs or increased tax revenues rather than the growth we've been achieving.

Now Trending

Dallas Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

General

Loading...