Rick Perry Is Either a Birther or a Jedi

Categories: Politics

perryparade.jpg
The wavier the hair, the shinier the tin foil looks.
In an interview published Sunday in Parade magazine, Rick Perry was asked whether he believes the president was born in the United States. His response, which you'll find below, has caused some alarm, because it makes Perry appear to be aligning himself with the one-roll-of-Reynolds-Wrap-per-hat faction of the Tea Party.

Frankly, I'm more concerned with his deteriorating ability to make anything that resembles sense. If I understand the rules correctly, once he bows out of the presidential campaign, he'll go back to being our governor. And the more he talks, the more I become convinced that one of three things is happening: He's having one really long aneurism, I'm having one really long aneurism, or Rick Perry is the only Jedi in Jedi history to do his shopping at JoS. A. Bank. Here's the exchange:

Governor, do you believe that President Barack Obama was born in the United States? I have no reason to think otherwise.

That's not a definitive, "Yes, I believe he"--
Well, I don't have a definitive answer, because he's never seen my birth certificate.

But you've seen his.
I don't know. Have I?

You don't believe what's been released?
I don't know. I had dinner with Donald Trump the other night.

And?
That came up.

And he said?
He doesn't think it's real.

And you said?
I don't have any idea. It doesn't matter. He's the President of the United States. He's elected. It's a distractive issue.

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45 comments
Nose2Much
Nose2Much

Perry doesn't know if he believes Obama was born in the US because Obama may or may not have seen Perry's birth certificate?  Or because Trump doesn't believe the Obama birth certificate is real?  Did we do a time warp between each question and answer?

WW
WW

" he hasn't seen mine"..

Maybe Perry was talking anatomy. ??

Nose2Much
Nose2Much

Perry hasn't seen his own anatomy in a looooooong time.

David Cornell
David Cornell

Don't know why everyone is so worried about a hard hitting journalism vehicle like Parade. Show of hands - how many of you read the comics wrapped around it first?

Lolotehe
Lolotehe

I've had more coherent conversations with chatbots. From the 90s.

Jjttq
Jjttq

rickie baby IS a JEDI and so is bobbie Jeffress..........they make a real cute couple.

Randy S
Randy S

"Well, I don't have a definitive answer, because he's never seen my birth certificate."

Um... what the hell does that have to do with anything?

MattL1
MattL1

I don't see why politicians of all stripes have so much trouble giving yes-or-no answers to simple questions.  

I also don't understand the birth certificate issue or why people spend so much time on it, but I guess we all need crazy, implausible things to believe in.  Religion works for most; I prefer the belief that whiskey makes me invincible.  To each his own...

Albert
Albert

I used to think the same way, totally ignored the issue. Didn't care.

But the latest BC on the web has been, without any doubt at all, manipulated in Adobe Illustrator and exported to PDF.

Incredibly sloppy, and the artist left tracks. Ten sublayers hidden in the single layer immediately visible.

This is not a simple scan of a document, and if they wanted to add the green pattern background, they could have in Photoshop in 3 seconds. Why did they work it in Illustrator, a vector program? It makes no sense, unless someone wanted to manipulate the file.

I wasn't a birther, but now I have to be, having seen the actual certificate posted to the web, and taken it apart. Something's not right.

Anyone who has Illustrator can open the PDF and see exactly what the problem is, what I'm talking about.

MattL1
MattL1

Nah, I don't buy it.  Doesn't pass the smell test, and my smell test is never wrong.

Paul
Paul

How do you know that you are looking at the scan of the birth certificate and not some file that someone cooked up as the scan?

RTGolden
RTGolden

Try printing a database generated report into .pdf format using Acrobat distiller.  The distiller will separate the table data from the report formatting using layers.  Text will be grouped in odd groupings, backgrounds will be in floating layers, and certain automatically generated fields will have their own layers as well.  In short, opening a distilled .pdf document in Illustrator will give the appearance that the document has been altered.

The question that really needs to be asked is "Do most Americans care more about a President's ability and performance, or about his religious affiliation and origins?"  I, for one, am more concerned with what a President can do for the country than I am with where he was born.  Unfortunately, The "Hope" Obama carried into office has rotted into broken promises and empty gestures. He is, as could only be, more of the same.  Vote independent, vote third party, vote anything other than Dem or Rep in 2012.

Downtown Resident
Downtown Resident

Shhhhh, George Soros and his lieutenants of the New World Order are monitoring these comments as we type. They can't let the story break that billionaire bankers and the Rosthchild descendants are at risk of having their Manchurian candidate discovered (6 months after the fact) because they paid a high school art student 20 bucks to whip up a fake birth certificate in his Adobe Illustrator class.

Tri cornered tin foil hats for everybody!

Paul
Paul

What about the men up on the grassy knoll?

MattL1
MattL1

You get right on that.  I'll continue to not give a shit.

Albert
Albert

You can't "not buy" that the file has been manipulated. It clearly has been, undeniably.100 percent provable. No way around it.I can see from the hidden layers that the background was added, there are two bounding box layers (empty), and 7 layers containing copy from the scanned document. Two of the layers are the date of release on the left and the signature of whoever released it.

Other layers include both dates in the body of the document on left and right, the "none" under mothers occupation.

Clear as day, can't miss it. Does it prove Obama is not a citizen? No.

Does it prove the document was converted to vector and manipulated? Yes. Absolutely.

In this format, could further manipulations have been performed then the layers flattened to cover tracks? Absolutely.

Why doesn't the Observer try this, they probably have Adobe Illustrator.

Paul
Paul

"Next time I tell you not to vote for a Governor from Texas for President, will you listen to me?"-- Molly Ivins

I wonder when Guvn'r Goodhair is going to resign as our Governor?  After all, a while back he did try to get some measure passed (IIRC) that if you are going to run for a different office, you have to resign from your current office.

What do you expect from the former state campaign manager for Al Gore?

Once again, Guvn'r Goodhair shows that he is a master of the "Texas Two Step".

DuckDuckGoose
DuckDuckGoose

" It doesn't matter. He's the President of the United States. He's elected. It's a distractive issue."  Makes sense to me.

randy from sachse
randy from sachse

It's a little early for quote of the week, but

"Are we all expected to add affirmation of Obama's origins to the end of the Pledge of Allegiance now?"

Not bad for a Mere Muleskinner.

Darrd2010
Darrd2010

And the reason we read Parade in the first place is......................................

Ed D.
Ed D.

Howard Huge comics and celebrity diet tips.

Justin Julian
Justin Julian

I love his answer, actually.  'It doesn't matter.  He's the President of the United States.  He's elected.  It's a distractive issue.'  I think the rest was playful and a little condescending to the interviewer for asking what, at this point, is a stupid question.  Way to go, Tone, finding a way to turn that answer into a bullshit headline that suggests he's a birther...which his exact statement -clearly- says he isn't.  'It doesn't matter.'  That's not a 'birther'.

TimCov
TimCov

Well, I really dislike Perry. But, I really like what he said at the end. "It doesn't matter. He's the President of the United States. He's elected. It's a distractive issue."

From what is written, it looks like he is trying to avoid saying something that would either make him look like a moron or piss off part of his base of supporters.

Albert
Albert

About the birther thing.

I thought it was funny, until I downloaded the certificate and opened it in Adobe Illustrator.

Holy S***, the thing is a joke. It's unbelievable that anyone could accept this as legitimate in the form it's presented. It would NEVER pass in a court of law as a representation or "scan" of a document.

Because it is not, it has clearly been manipulated. The question is, other than the obvious manipulations, what else was messed with?

Lolotehe
Lolotehe

Pics or it didn't happen.

Albert
Albert

Lolothe, I don't work for the observer. I can't post the screen grabs

But the Observer can open the document in Illustrator, just like I did. They'll see exactly what I describe.

Ask them to do it, and post the results.

If not, I'll post the screen grabs to a photobucket account or something, to illustrate what I'm talking about.

Why they chose to go this route is really puzzling. It makes no sense.

Fort Worth 8L
Fort Worth 8L

Scan your original 50 year old birth certificate and compare it to Obama's.  Then you will see the only manipulation is in your mind.  Holy S***!!!!

Phelps
Phelps

tl:dr version: We tried to get Perry to say something crazy on a non-issue and he didn't cooperate. Whaaaaa!

Phillip Avon St. Cyr
Phillip Avon St. Cyr

Since when is giving an answer that degrades your reputation as a genuine Presidential contender sane?

The fact that Perry doesn't realize that the nation and the world have a heck of a lot more important things to deal with -- such that just shutting off the crazy faucet would show who's the adult in the room -- kinda DOES show where he drinks from.

Heavy Metal Church Lady
Heavy Metal Church Lady

Personally, I think the questions asked are about chipping away at the Republican quasi-art of intimation. You know, intimate and cultivate doubt without categorically dismissing was is being asked--even when confronted with factual evidence. Hence, the Trump reference.

It's this kind of coded double-speak that has poisoned the well. There's also the inclusion of words which are under-the-radar end time signifiers. Perry could have hit it out of the park by responded with, "In the whirlwind of information, it's hard to know what to believe. You know, my friend, Donald Trump still has doubts. Gotta go, I see four horsemen in the distance!"

Albert
Albert

"Factual evidence" in this case being a document manipulated in Adobe Illustrator that would be laughed out of any court in the US

Downtown Resident
Downtown Resident

They may have been trying to get him to say something crazy but they had to settle for him saying something stupid. Face it your golden boy is done.

Ed D.
Ed D.

Dang, I was sure that those were the droids we were looking for but the Governor says they haven't seen his birth certificate and he was having lunch with Boba Fett and... oh no.

Renegade
Renegade

"Evacuate?  In our moment of triumph?  I think you overestimate their chances."

Guesty McG
Guesty McG

We may not know whether Perry is a birther or a Jedi, but we know he's an asshole.

We also know Joe Tone is an idiot, this inane post being further proof.

Jack E. Jett
Jack E. Jett

What an awesome reply to a question...

"I had dinner with Donald Trump the other night".....

Phillip Avon St. Cyr
Phillip Avon St. Cyr

Yeah. Nothing like some bizarre, grammatical non-sequitur to engender confidence in an audience.

Huh? Say what? Where'd that come from, Rick?

You're a reporter. Aren't you supposed to connect the dots, Parade guy?

Can YOU, Rick?

John2247
John2247

Parade uses "Feature Writers", not reporters.

Mere Muleskinner
Mere Muleskinner

Almost as awesome as the Parade reporter's, 'thats not a definitive, yes'. What the hell? Are we all expected to add affirmation of Obama's origins to the end of the Pledge of Allegiance now?

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