Go, Local College Sports Team! (Um, Doesn't Mayor Mike Have Anything Better to Do?)

Categories: Get Off My Lawn

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I was waiting for Dallas's new mayor, Mike Rawlings, to tell us what he has decided about building a new expressway out between the flood control levees along the Trinity River -- where it floods -- but instead today he has told us how he feels about SMU football. And I guess, from what I read, I'm expected to do something about it.

Toward the end of a long opinion piece in The Dallas Morning News this morning, Rawlings says: "We must build a movement for SMU: Sports talk show hosts and columnists must advocate for it ... "

I'm a columnist.

It's something about SMU becoming a part of Big 12 so it can be a part of the BCS. I know what SMU is. It's a university. I'm not entirely 100 percent sure about Big 12. The BCS, no clue really, but I am working on it.

Rawlings says if SMU joins Big 12 and thereby gets into the BCS, "We will become a smarter, richer and more fun city." The whole thing involves football, I do know that much. Smarter and richer, that's good. If we have to choose one or the other, what's it going to be? I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Well, OK then. Speaking as a columnist I would like to hereby advocate the hell out of it. I think it is extremely important -- may I say crucial? -- to the future of this city's intelligence and wealth that SMU get into Big 12 right away. In fact, I would like to see this get done before end of business today.

Big 12 is ... well, it's very big. And here's the other thing about it. It's 12. So it's both things. Big. And 12.

SMU is a university. It's not in Dallas. It's in the area we tend to call "The Bubble." Inside The Bubble, young people are given the keys to BMW automobiles at age 16, but they are prohibited by their parents from driving outside The Bubble until they are age 18. I don't know why. I believe that their parents may worry that they will get lost, which is understandable, when you figure how big the world is outside The Bubble. Ginormous.

Football is a game. The people wear helmets. It's on television. They hit each other with their heads, and sometimes they knock each other out cold. That's pretty cool when it happens. I never learned the rules, so I don't know what they're doing. I watch it sometimes for about five minutes to see if anybody is going to get knocked out cold.

The BCS, according to the mayor, is an association that sponsors "bowl games." I'm really not prepared to go into that at all at this particular point in time.

When I first came to Texas about 100 years ago, I tried to explain to people that I really did not know or care anything about football. But I married a Dallas native, and she told me that if I ever said that again in her presence at a dinner party, she would lose respect for me as a human being. Terrible. So I don't say it any more. Instead, I sort of lie about it. Not directly. But I say things that give a false impression of caring, especially on those rare occasions when I am inside The Bubble.

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Schutze (seated on ground at right) in his college days as a member of the cheerleading squad for the University of Michigan existential philosophy debating team
"How about those Ponies?"

It means something. The other guys always starts talking. All you have to do is nod and say, "I know that's right." He always keeps talking. In fact, if you have to go to the bathroom, the only way you can turn it off and get away is to change the subject and say something like, "Obama is the greatest president in history." That usually puts a cork in it.

So, as I was saying, I was waiting for the new mayor to step out and take a position on some of the big issues facing the city, but I see that we're going to have to talk about SMU football first, which is OK. I'm just going to pretend I'm at a dinner party inside The Bubble. I don't know how I got here. Must be somebody who likes my wife and didn't know who her husband was.

I do know the drill. I am for SMU football. I insist that SMU get into Big 12 right now, this minute. Then, may I say, let the bowl games begin. How about those Ponies?

OK, that's about enough of that. What do you think will happen to downtown Dallas if the Trinity River levees fail?

Downtown. It's in Dallas. The city of Dallas. I do not know if they have bowl games there or not. It's OK. Forget it. I have to go to the bathroom.

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30 comments
CJAZ
CJAZ

Jim-

What was the name of your existential philosophy debating team? The Fighting (de) Beauvoirs? The National Kierkegaard? The Debating Desperados-toyevskys?

(now, see - I learned enough about existential philosophy to make these hilariously funny jokes. So the least you can do is learn about safety blitzes and 2-point conversions in a football-crazy state!)

SmooPigSooey
SmooPigSooey

How about SMU win a Conference USA title first,  then we'll talk about the need to be in a BCS conference. They will also need to rename their stadium, less they be mistaken for loving former President Ford.

Mike
Mike

It's not a bad idea to try to get SMU into the Big 12, though the connection with any BCS activity is non-existent.  SMU's connection with BCS activity of OU/UT Austin/TTU is the same as Navy supply clerk stacking toilet paper in San Diego to Seal Team Six:  In the same organization, but not in the same class.  Since Big 12 schools have to play each other and alternate locations except via special arrangements, You conceivably could have OU, TTU, OSU, and UT Austin here meaning at least 2 more big games a year in Dallas.

If you believe the UT Austin/OU game brings in the big bucks, then more games would mean more money.  Having the Mayor write an Op Ed seems pretty cheap contribution, especially since he really does not run the city and has time on his hands. 

It's all meaningless with OU/OSU's pending decision to go to Pac 12. 

RTGolden
RTGolden

Is Schutze now gunning for Richie Whitt-less' job?

replay
replay

uh.....uh....uh........uh, don't look over there. Look over here! Let's talk about something that is not so serious as those other matters. They are so dull and mundane, and none of them hold any particular promise or pleasant surprises. In fact, all of those other things have lots of unpleasantries associated with them. I have told Mary to make sure she takes care of those things, and NOT to let me know what she is doing (that way, I can disavow any knowledge), because I am focused like a laser beam on this SMU/Big12/BCS football thing.

Rooster
Rooster

I'm not sure of the impact, but the city will be better with SMU in the Big 12 than not.  However, the only question that matters is will the Big 12 be better with SMU than not.

The answer is no.  SMU is a small alumni school with no eyes for TV sets, which is the only thing that counts.  TCU has the same problem.

It's all an excercise in futility, since the Big 12 will fold once the Oklahoma schools leave.

DuckDuckGoose
DuckDuckGoose

"I never learned the rules, so I don't know what they're doing."

In that case, don't waste your time or ours by writing about football.   We understand, you're too cool to be bothered with such a silly game.   How nice for you.

AintNoSunshine
AintNoSunshine

As much as it pains me to agree with a man that used unethical (in my opinion) means to become Mayor and shouldn't be Mayor - I agree with him on this one. 

Cliff Dweller
Cliff Dweller

He doesn't have to worry about governing, Mary Suhm does all of that.  At least he's honest about being nothing more than a cheerleader.

dd
dd

Well I am glad to see the new Mayor of Dallas is taking his job seriously. I think his first order of business should be securing City of Dallas tax dollars to build SMU a new stadium. The SMU football stadium is a disgrace. A university of SMU's stature should have the nicest football stadium in N. Texas, hell in all of Texas, with the exception of Jerry World Stadium. U of NTX and TCU have new or updated stadiums.SMU is a top Kudzu League school and the students and alumni deserve nothing less and they shouldn't have to pay for a new stadium either. Little people pay for new stadiums. The fact SMU isn't in the City of Dallas shouldn't be a deterrent. Create a STD that encompasses all of Dallas and none of University Park of Highland Park. And whatever you do make sure the Dallas Country Club isn't taxed. Those folks hate taxes. Their hatred of taxes is proportional to their sense of entitlement.

Mountain Creek
Mountain Creek

We should build a new football stadium inside the levees!  That's the only way the BIG/medium 12(10) will ever let us in.  Who's gonna sign my petition?

NewsDog
NewsDog

I’m sure that Mayor Mike really wants SMU in the (not so) Big 12. That way when fans that support opposing teams come to Dallas (actually the bubble) to watch SMU play they will stay at the city owned convention center hotel and make the private operator lots of revenue. And in that way Mayor Mike will have kept his behind closed door promise to the Dallas Citizens Council.  

TheRealDirtyP1
TheRealDirtyP1

SMU has been in bowl games the last two seasons. Don't worry about last year's game being at their home stadium against Army in which they lost. I mean, that probably doesn't help them get in the Big 12. That team over in Fort Worth, the one that finished #2 in 2010, couldn't convince the Little 12 to let it in. Why should SMU get in?

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

SMU is one, private, two, quite mediocre on the field, and three, not named the Dallas Cowboys.

So why should we care about them in the Big 12/10/9 or give them undue attention?

J. Erik Jonsson
J. Erik Jonsson

JS, I believe Mayor Mike is making a vague appeal to one of the enduring myths of our age: that football is somehow related to economic development.  In fact, I think I recently saw a wonderful takedown of that notion in this very publication.

BTW, if his answers during the campaign are any indication, I wouldn't hold your breath waiting on a public pronouncement on the Trinity toll road from Mayor Mike.

TimCov
TimCov

Remember Jim, football is the official state religion of Texas. So, all of these things must be taken on faith. But, I really don't understand how football will make anyone, much less an entire city, smarter.

Heywood U Buzzoff
Heywood U Buzzoff

(sighs)  Jimbo, you should know by now that What do you think will happen to downtown Dallas if the Trinity River levees fail? needs to be What do you think will happen to SMU's BCS chances if the Trinity River levees fail?.  Of course the DMN's style book would insist on What do you think will happen to SMU's BCS chances if new Trinity River levees bonds fail? and the Startlegram 's What do you think would happen to the SMU BCSs chances if the Bass Brothers just buy the BCS.  

Guest
Guest

But it's not Big and 12. It's medium sized and 9.

The Big 10? Now that's Big and 12.

TimCov
TimCov

Televised sports suck. Get off your but, go outside and play some sports.

Guest
Guest

Hahahahahaha....

No, really, out loud.  Worthy of far more than just a cryptic LOL.

Feel like hitting the Like button 20 times on this.

G_David
G_David

An STD to encompass all of Dallas and the Park Cities?  You mean, like, one that penicillin can't get rid of? 

Richard K
Richard K

Stay tuned. The baseball stadium that Carol and Mari are pushing will probably be proposed for the river bottoms.

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

Startlegram doesn't care about SMU, they have their own 3 letter private school football program that actually wins enough games to get into the BCS.  Well, at least they did until their Katy Tiger quarterback graduated...

Jim
Jim

Well played.

JimS
JimS

I should have known that.

whodunnit
whodunnit

When the team gets the name "Dallas Mud Hens", we'll all know the reason why! Seriously, if you build a baseball stadium, they will come (Ask Kevin Costner). So, if the stadium is down between the levees than we'll have to build a big toll road so they can get to it.

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