Believe it Or Not, Tony Romo's Rib Cage Did Not Single-Bonedly Beat the Skins Last Night

Categories: Sports

romoespn.jpg
ESPN wants you to know: It's all about the QB.
I could have sworn I watched the game last night. I had it on, anyway. But nowhere did I see Tony Romo running around with bloody rib bone sticking out of his jersey, making impossible touchdown throws, suffering through some unknowable agony to lead his team, his city, his fellow man to so some impossible victory.

But listening to the quarterbacks analyzing the game, and the quarterbacks breaking it down afterward, and the quarterback fetishists yapping about it on radio, you'd think the game hinged entirely on Romo's manliness. Johnny Unitas would have sucked it up, and he played before ribs were even invented. Would Romo do the same?

In the end, though, it hinged on so many things, almost none of which were Romo. The sudden appearance of a running game. A mostly competent defense. Center Phil Costa's ability, in key spots, to contain himself from hucking the ball directly into Romo's groin. And the team, both offense and defense, overcoming its chronic disorganization. At times they looked like zoo animals trying to execute a flash mob, and yet somehow they won, mostly because of a 23-year-old kicker. That was the story.

Romo? Might as well have been John Kitna.

Obviously it's impossible to know what Kitna would have done differently. Maybe after the third snap to the gut he would have slit Costa's neck with a laminated playsheet? Who knows? But Romo was, without question, Kitna-esque: Here's his ending stat line:

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Look familiar? That's because it's nearly identical (but slightly worse) than that of the quarterback he went up against, Rex Grossman, whose mediocrity never goes unquestioned:

kitnastats.jpg
The game just didn't have that much to do with either of them. But there were the quarterbacks-turned-yappers, during and afterward, wondering whether Romo "can he take a hit," "can he make a play," urging viewers to "watch Tony Romo" execute, I swear to god, a hand off, lauding his "gritty effort," and quoting him afterward, without irony, as saying: "Unless I end up in a morgue, I'm gonna play."

Well, then. Here's hoping Tony Romo doesn't end up in a morgue. He'll never live it down.

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66 comments
MattL1
MattL1

To be fair, this particular comment section is far more civilized than those of most posts having to do with religion or Rick Perry.  

Romo played okay.  He was serviceable, and, if his injury was really bothering him as much as some think, his performance could be considered quite gritty.  There is a sense, however, among the non-Cowboy fans (there are a lot of us) that Romo gets far more praise than he is due.  The announcing during this game only serves to reinforce this notion.

Robert Wilonsky
Robert Wilonsky

You don't need to work too hard to get my attention: I live on Unfair Park, read every comment, respond when necessary (or when asked) and intervene only as a last resort. So, no need to shout.

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

I have major respect for you, the content of your writing and how you interact with your readers, Robert.  I'll say the same for JimS, too, but don't tell him because he seems to get big head.  This Joe Tone guy seems to be a stand-up dude, and has writing chops.  And Alice seems to be pretty cool as well.

Y'all are doing a great freaking job!

Robert Wilonsky
Robert Wilonsky

To think, just moments ago Joe and I were discussing the thoughtful, elevated level of discussion now that sports has moved back to Unfair Park ...

Y'all done insulting each other now? Excellent.

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Wowza...first Joe and now Biggest of Bobs come and have a looksie...this is the kind of attention us wayward sporty souls have been looking for. 

We only act out for the attention Robert, thank ya..thank ya very much!

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

on a side note, what do your city of ate bloggers think of being taken over by the insane asylum?

MoronDog
MoronDog

Hell, they are happy to be noticed.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

hmmm, sorry robert, got lost for a minute forgot it was unfair park, but like PD said, he started (drops head ,puts rocks back in pocket, and sits with my nose in the corner for 5 minutes)

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

I personally found the insulting to be rather high-brow compared to past flame wars. I'm also biased because I'm proud of myself for working in two halfway relevant JWP references.

Think good episode of Two and a Half Men--clever but still raunchy. We're not Community or Archer yet. Cue debate whether TaaHM is ever good.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

I agree, one of my insults involved all things Dallas, I even gave a council member a mention.  The schtick does seem to better since the sporty was shut down, takes more thought now

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

(Crosses arms and kicks a rock)

He started it.

Sorry.

Don Abbott
Don Abbott

We've been chronically disorganized since Jimmy left.

FootballFan
FootballFan

ever since they got rid of the asthma field.

Coleman
Coleman

I don't understand why you guys got rid of Sportatorium if you're going to continue making sports posts? It's not that I don't mind sports news, but the other blog at least acted as a self-contained environment for all of these godawful commenters that have been shitting up DO's other blogs.

Sports Cactus
Sports Cactus

"I don't understand why you guys got rid of Sportatorium..."

Because they didn't want to pay a writer for it any more.

"...if you're going to continue making sports posts?"

Because they want to find a way to keep the engaged audience Sportatorium had.

In other words; money. Any other brilliant questions?

Coleman
Coleman

you say "engaged," I say "head-on-pants retarded."

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Turn up your techno, hop in your 1988 325i..and burn on off to DC9..we haven't invaded them...YET!

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

First racism now a "retard" comment?

Wow.

I guess if you can't carry your weight with anything witty, personal attacks are the next best thing.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

would you rather discuss the finer points of re-districting or what angela hunts next rallying cry for greeneville will be.  Or we can talk about downtown revitalization project, the one thats been going on for years, yet downtown is more dead at night than ever before?  If the answer is yes to any of this, then please NEVER EVER click on another sports blog entry again

Sturms_Bloody_Rectum
Sturms_Bloody_Rectum

for the 12th time, post the link of said blog, and I'll show you numerous articles written that have little to no interaction. Hey, this place added a thin slice of Bores Head roast beef to it's stylish, yet plain grilled cheese, into a wonderworld of flavor.  That Chef is going places due to their thinking outside of the box.

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

Did you really just say, "What are THEY doing over HERE?  We don't like THEIR TYPE."?!?!?!?!?!

Racist.

Coleman
Coleman

Boy, you Ticket people sure are thin-skinned.

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

Stereotypes now?  I guess that is a step up from racism.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

you unfairparkers sure seem like uppity bitches, shouldnt you be over at frontburner discussing your million dollar homes and your M class bimmers

Sturms_Bloody_Rectum
Sturms_Bloody_Rectum

who fills up the tank in your M-class, the hubby or the chauffeur? I bet your just kill'n time between having your nails filled and your highlites to dry.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

Make a good point before you pat yourself on the back for it. In a sports post.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

for fucks sake, dont read them then.  do you have anything to say about the game or are you just here to bitch and complain?  you probably get mad at the neighbor because his dog barks, and you alos probably complain the middle school bus stop is on your corner

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

Could you act a little more elitist?

Do you also believe Dallas should wall itself off because the burbs are evil and scary and filled with uncultured people who only eat at chain restaurants? The Dallas wall would crumble as quickly as the roads, by the way, and EBJ or JWP would probably insist on having an investment in the contractor that "happened" to be awarded the job.

I'll make only intelligent and/or witty remarks in the traditional Unfair Park posts if you'll not be a jerkoff in the sportsy ones. Deal?

The Overcusser
The Overcusser

That's fucking brilliant. A goddamn recursive post. Shitty post talking about other shitty posts. We need to here more from you, you beautiful son of a bitch.

CV Gilkeson
CV Gilkeson

How come #85 Ogletree does not know the plays? How? Or even where to line up? WTF.  is Garrett's playbook so big that he can't get it or is he not studying or is his grasp of the plays and formations not being tested?

Football Intelligence
Football Intelligence

Romo's main asset is his quick recognition and release.  The first time Madden saw him play he compared it to Montana's (I am not claiming they are comparable in overall ability). Marino probably had the quickest release of anyone in recent history. There are scouting reports that state that Romo's release is faster than Marino's but I am guessing that's a questionable determination.

A quick release allows you to hold the ball longer or hit the receiver to closer to the time when he actually breaks free on non timing routes. It also adds excitement as a sinking play can turn into plus yardage in a snap.

This attribute makes Romo an dynamic, electric competitor, which I think is the primary factor in the media's fascination with his play.

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

That, and it's like watching Evil Knievel jump over something.  If it goes well, it's awesome; but if it goes poorly it can be damn entertaining, too.

RTGolden
RTGolden

That is quite possibly the most intelligent and appropriate analogy about Romo I've ever seen.  Congratulations sir.

Texasdave60
Texasdave60

Thank you, Joe Tone, Robert Wilonsky, et al...I was sick and freaking tired of reading the insane rantings of competing radio show idiots, running the failed radio bits into this print forum.  I don't listen to those 'shows' for that reason alone.  Thanks for sports in the sports blog...Richie's contributions often were more suited to Radio and Records or whatever trade pub discuss radio broadcast ratings.  Thank you!

Chuck G.
Chuck G.

Don't mean to change the subject, but Beltre belted another home run last night, which ultimately won the game besides the bullpen (except Oliver). Great to toggle back and forth between two close, local team games like that with both winning. Anyways, Beltre is on fire and earning every penny of that high salary.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

I was somewhat impressed with Romo for indeed gutting it out and dealing with a bunch of morons with only Witten he could trust to be where he was supposed to be. He still kinda sucked, but he was surrounded by "talent" that should get any GM without team equity fired. Romo deserves credit for not ripping Costa's helmet off and punching him in the nose.

Then I hear Drew Brees interviewed on Mike and Mike (Muser break) and realize Romo just isn't smart enough to be at that level. Brees was well-spoken without generic ramblings and "footballballballs" and comes across like he IS the Saints, where Romo is more along for the ride here.

Hopefully the medja won't completely overrate this win. It was a piss-poor game they happened to come out on top of. Detroit could very well throttle them, and NE may give them a good beatdown also.

I forget who tweeted it, but it bears repeating. How is Kevin Ogletree so ill-informed as to the team offense? He's been in the system for what, 3 years? Doesn't that speak to piss-poor coaching, or is he just a mental-midget?

Talk about a mediocre team.

Sports Cactus
Sports Cactus

Speaking of coaching - I like Hudson Houk (sp?), but you gotta start wondering about him, as well as the receivers coach.

Observatorium
Observatorium

I'll admit up front. I'm a Richie Whitt fan. The Observer (and those Village Voice chumps) are going to miss him more than they realize.

But one thing Richie never did was take the lazy way out with his blog, which is what this "Joe Tone" thing did. Think for yourself, man. If you watched the game from the sofa (lazy), at least let us hear your own thoughts. Don't use the old blog fallback -- taking the mainstream media's words and chiding them. Any clown with a laptop can do that.Bloggers gleefully tsk-tsk about the decline of journalism, but then they spend 90% of their blog space quoting and snarkly commenting about things those journalists and TV people said. If the Observer is going to continue to cover sports, don't just mail it in, like this piece was.RIP, Richie.

Rooster
Rooster

Dude.  Seriously.  Did you ever READ the Sportatorium.

Whitt was a first ballot inductee into the Mail-it-in Hall of Fame....

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

Richie never took the lazy way out?!?!?!?!  Really?

Dude, put the bong down and step away.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

All you did was prove you are either related to Richie or unfamiliar with his brand of "work."

Formatting it into a list of 10 doesn't a good post make.

The Listener
The Listener

if your basis for your argument is 'look at the stats', then you used far too many words. great thing about using stat lines is you don't even have to watch the game.

Guest
Guest

Which apparently Joe Tone didn't.

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

Wow.

No FAN-pimping, Romo-masturbating Observer-ations.

Very nicely done.

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