What It's Like to Live in Plano, According to The Internet's List Makers. Everyone Loves Lists.

People of Plano.jpg
Image via Plano.gov
That baby is actually 45 years old.
Perhaps you heard that Plano was recently named the 12th longest-living city in the country by the Daily Beast. But what you may not know is that a whole bunch of other listicles ranking places based on their General Pleasantness have spotlighted the 'burb. The results are mostly positive, occasionally confusing and always deeply scientific, we are sure. We have read them all, and now we can tell you authoritatively exactly what it's like to live in Plano.

If you live in Plano, you may be "wealthy." Way back in 2008, a survey by Salary.com named Plano the best place in the U.S. in which to "build personal wealth." The same year, Forbes included Plano on its list of "Top Suburbs To Live Well," along with Highland Park and University Park.

If you live in Plano, nothing bad will ever happen to you, especially if you're a lady. I 2009, it was called the sixth safest city in the state of Texas by the CQ press. The next year, Women's Health dubbed Plano the best city for women, while Men's Health ranked it the third best for men, looking at criteria including cost of living, cancer rates, and a bunch of other things, including, bafflingly, something listed as "Percent hopelessness -- all or most of the time."

However, there's a high likelihood that you will spend much of your time on the couch. Occasionally a less-flattering list does break in to dump all over the Plano love-fest. In June of this year, Men's Health mentioned Plano again -- as one of the least active cities in the U.S., ranking number 64 out of 100 and scoring a D+ grade.

And don't even bother trying to hump that couch, or anything else in the vicinity. Because Men's Health also recently ranked Plano No. 52 on their list of Most Impotent Cities. (Subhead: "Where men are the most likely to go limp." Thanks for the clarification, guys.)

So, in conclusion: A typical day in Plano -- at least according to the Internet's city-ranking machine -- involves waking at dawn and calling your children or grandchildren to complain that the TV remote is still broken, whereupon they will tell you gently, for the 100th time, that you are pointing the garage-door opener at the microwave. You'll have plenty of time to figure that one out, though, because that you're just a spry young chicken of 84, with at least 140 more years of pristine good health ahead of you. All those people in the Bible who lived for 700 years? Yeah, they were from Plano.

To celebrate, you'll spend a brief stint swimming around in your money piles Scrooge McDuck-style, then mount an abortive attempt to make sweet love to your significant other. It won't go well. Afterward, winded but with your spirits undimmed, you'll retire for a nap, leaving your doors unlocked, your windows open and your rare coin collection arrayed on the table. Sometimes, just for the hell of it, you like to walk outside and wander up to strangers on the street, your wallet open and your alarm code and ATM pin number printed with indelible ink on your forehead. Then it's dinner at Luby's and home to spend the evening fused to your sofa, muttering about this "goddamned busted clicker" while your garage door flails wildly outside.

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25 comments
Lmcge
Lmcge

I lived in Plano for two years and I loved it.The school's are excellent, the Libraries are clean and nice and shopping is all around.It way better living there. I stayed in Mesquite for almost 1 year before and it was horrible.Plano has a high caliber of folks Im used too.

Ien Black
Ien Black

haha! that's how I always imagined a typical day in Plano as well .

Jamiehanna
Jamiehanna

We only find activity challenging during the months with 100+ degree weather...the rest of the time we generally have beautiful weather and spend alot of time with outdoor activities....good grief

Rooster
Rooster

For the life of me I'll never figure out why Dallasites get "short dick syndrome" whenever someone mentions a Northern suburb.

For the love of god, you'd think someone from Plano/Frisco/et al beat you up and stole your lunch money.

MattL1
MattL1

There is a little-talked-about criminal element in Plano.  I'm referring of course to kids cruising through alleys, stoned, looking for an open garage from which to steal alcohol.  Having lived in Plano as a teenager, I have observed, though never participated in, such activities.

Eric Knipp
Eric Knipp

Not sure what u ppl are on about Plano average age is 36. It is perfect for married couples with kids. I agree if you are part of the cocaine and boob job set or just a regular pot head you will not like it much here. It's too civilized.

LaceyB
LaceyB

Spot on, Anna!

My parents live in Plano. All their neighbors are geriatrics who know everyone's business, and the second your tree branch grows .0001 milimeter too long onto their property or above HOA code. Like a 6th sense. I get morning and late night tech help calls (as late as 3, as early as 6), on both the computer, and tv remote.

But, no Luby's for my parents. Stick to the mexican sit-down chains...when they venture outside their "little box" (painted exactly like their neighbors, all in a row)

Dialog2Debate
Dialog2Debate

It looks like I'm going to be single a lot longer than I had expected...

Give me the stretchmark chick
Give me the stretchmark chick

And according the the pic via plano.gov, Plano is a good place to be raise your child as a single mom w/ help from elderly people...perhaps intended to be her parents?

G_David
G_David

So, in other words, we get to stay inside during the entire summer.  Yippee.  

scottindallas
scottindallas

no, but they do throw their indigent into our hospitals and on to our safety net.  It's kinda the same thing, without the violence but with all the presumptuousness that gets really grating.  If you're so damned rich, then take care of your own.

Nyrenstein
Nyrenstein

Really? Because the ten years I lived there most of my classmates' moms had boob jobs and teenage kids who snorted coke.But I do agree about the age range - everyone who lives there bought their first house after ' 79. Senior citizens are hard to find, but the ones around tend to be pretty healthy and youthful.

Enrique De La Fuente
Enrique De La Fuente

No way.  Plano is on the fast track to becoming "New Garland."  Frisco is so hot right now.  It is the "New Plano".  Melissa and Propser are the "New Frisco".

Tony
Tony

I hate to break the news to you Eric, Plano is full of th cocaine and boob job set. I guess you don't see what you don't want to.  Everyone I know considers Plano where ex- strippers go to die.

Jon Daniel
Jon Daniel

If civilization is mind numbing boredom, chain restaurants and strip centers, you are welcome to it

Citizen Kim
Citizen Kim

I wager they live in west/north Plano - the stuff built after 1990.  Older Plano isn't at all like that.

Enrique De La Fuente
Enrique De La Fuente

Actually, the old dude is the young woman's husband.  The old woman is the mother-in-law.  The little kid is Trey Garrison.

Rooster
Rooster

You'll forgive me if I think who does/doesn't get into Parkland Hospital makes half of Dallas think their dick is 2 inches long.

Nyrenstein
Nyrenstein

Frisco will quickly beat out Plano for least poverty by defying all odds with NO POVERTY.

ChrisU
ChrisU

but Krum is still Krum

Citizen Kim
Citizen Kim

Woo-hoo!!  I live in Plano - where do I go to check out the ex-strippers? 

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