Mavs Parade Starts Today With a Slow, Boring, Making-Sure-We-Won't-All-Die Flyover
|Don't be alarmed. They're just guarding against deadly chemical accounts. OK, be a little alarmed.|
Although, let's be honest: At this point even the terrorists love Dirk. That LeBron's a total infidel.
The flyovers, announced last night by the Dallas Police Department with a "don't be alarmed" addendum, will be similar to ones conducted in the lead up to the Super Bowl, the difference being that instead of hundreds of thousands lanyard-wearing VIPs from everywhere but Dallas, this event is expected to draw as many as 250,000 hometown boys and girls, many of whom will be too drunk to notice that their carefully painted skin is melting right off. The planes apparently fly as low as 500 feet. So, you know, wave hello or something.