Mavs Parade Starts Today With a Slow, Boring, Making-Sure-We-Won't-All-Die Flyover

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Don't be alarmed. They're just guarding against deadly chemical accounts. OK, be a little alarmed.
The other night, when Mark Cuban was snuggling with his shiny new safety blanket and dreaming about a flyover for Thursday's parade, this wasn't likely what he had in mind: The EPA will conduct low, slow fly-bys of Dallas over the next day or so, taking "baseline air samples" so officials know just how fucked we are in the event of a chemical attack on parade day.

Although, let's be honest: At this point even the terrorists love Dirk. That LeBron's a total infidel.

The flyovers, announced last night by the Dallas Police Department with a "don't be alarmed" addendum, will be similar to ones conducted in the lead up to the Super Bowl, the difference being that instead of hundreds of thousands lanyard-wearing VIPs from everywhere but Dallas, this event is expected to draw as many as 250,000 hometown boys and girls, many of whom will be too drunk to notice that their carefully painted skin is melting right off. The planes apparently fly as low as 500 feet. So, you know, wave hello or something.

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7 comments
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GusMitchem
GusMitchem

Grandpa Simpson .......a great prophet

Millionaire
Millionaire

Joe, you are vivid proof that any fool can put anything on the internet. It's schlock. Look in the mirror. THAT'S your following.

J Green
J Green

Well if we all die from an attack atleast we will all die CHAMPIONS!!!!

Jason Brown
Jason Brown

Umm...not sure but I think a terrorist would launch a chemical attack from the ground. Ground air samples anyone?

L_Streets
L_Streets

They are also checking the background levels of radiation.  If a dirty bomb is deployed then the post parade samples will pick it up.  The city will be monitoring radiation levels as well as other WMD precursors before/during/after festivities. 

John_McKee
John_McKee

I believe it is for quickly tracking the spread of chemicals as they drift through the air over larger distances after their release on the ground.

Bill Hicks
Bill Hicks

Will they be spraying chemtrails?

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