Just Remember, Mayor Dwaine: Confession is Good for the Soul, Better for the Memory

Categories: Get Off My Lawn

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I covered part of last week's school board meeting on the budget crisis. I was way back in back of the room gossiping with other reporters, which is really the only thing I like about news events any more, and nobody wanted to talk about the school board crisis. We all wanted to talk about Dwaine.

You have to understand. People like us discuss the secret police interrogation tape about a domestic dispute at the home of Dallas Mayor Dwaine Caraway house the same way a bunch of forensic pathologists would talk about a front-entry cranial pole-axe wound. For us, it's very technical, academic and la-de-da. We are, after all, kind of like Ph.Ds in the field of really juicy scandalology.

One guy in the scrum said something we all thought was quite insightful. He said instead of suing the city to bar release of the tape, building public suspense and keeping the story alive, Dwaine should just have copped to whatever embarrassing stuff was on the tape and apologized.

After all, he pointed out, people will forgive anything these days.

He's right. Most people are ready to forgive Charlie Sheen. In fact, what can a person even do any more that Americans would not forgive immediately? Too bad Benedict Arnold wasn't alive now.

"I feel so bad...boo-hoo-hoo...I betrayed the country to the British...boo-hoo-hoo...and I will never do it again, promise...(sniffle sniffle, gross nose-wipe on shoulder)."

He'd be a hero! People who do really bad things and then apologize for them and sniffle are more respected and adored nowadays than people who never did anything wrong.

Look at Alec Baldwin.

You don't even remember what Alec Baldwin did bad, right? That's the other thing. There's so much sin and confession coming at us, nobody can remember any of it for more than a day.

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Sam Merten
If Dwaine had just brought out the tape immediately, played it at a press conference, cried and hugged a puppy, nobody would remember by now that any of it ever happened in the first place.

Look, here's a test. Take this test. It won't take a second. Question: What is the name of the shirtless guy?

Oh, come on, you know: the shirtless guy! Sent a picture of himself shirtless to somebody, and they caught him, and then he had to drop out or resign or go on a reality TV show and let people stone him with wet sponges or something.

I'll tell you what that guy's name is now in history. He's the shirtless guy. That's his name, because that's all anybody remembers.

If it's sex, I truly cannot imagine what someone could do that would be taken as shocking. Wait, forget I said that. I don't want to be blamed for people injuring themselves.

Dwaine seems to be doing everything he can to keep it alive. After he got a judge to hand down a temporary restraining order barring the city from releasing the juicy stuff, he asked the city attorney to release the juicy stuff -- to him. City Attorney Tom Perkins had to say, no, Dwaine, you got the judge to bar a release, so in order to get us to release the stuff, you have to get the judge to un-bar it. So that's what he's doing. He's going back to court to ask the judge to release the juicy stuff, but only to him. And he says he needs the judge to extend the ban on releasing it to the rest of us from 14 to 28 days so he can read the juicy stuff. About himself.

What can you say?

The point is, Dwaine could make this all go away with a snap of his fingers. Play the tape. Cop to it, whatever it is: He betrayed the city to the British or he didn't have his shirt on or something. Nobody will keep it straight. Nobody will remember. And Dwaine will be forgotten.

Oh, snap! Is THAT why he's keeping it going?

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15 comments
Harvey
Harvey

Politicians, they just don't seem to understand that you aren't supposed to show your ass if cellulite is one of your issues.

Bettyculbreath
Bettyculbreath

Dwain is very bright,why should he want information that he has not read or tape he has not heard handed over to people before he has had a chance to hear.You people don't know Mayor Dwain Caraway,all you know is what you read in the papers that pay salaries,Media has formed an opinion about the man that is so far from truth.You have allowed the DMN to set Mayor Caraways agenda and paint him as a man of little substance,oh but you're so wrong.Money does not make a man, Give Mayor Caraway a break hes doing the job.

cp
cp

Look, everyone's already getting tired of this subject. There are but 9 comments here, has been that way for most of the day, while over at the conspiracy-theory post, er I mean the fluoridated water post, there's 21 posts.... impressive for a story that had me wondering why the heck it was even posted in the first place.

Jack E. Jett
Jack E. Jett

Jim...I think it would be counter productive for Caraturd to hug a puppy after giving an award to a canine molester.

MattL1
MattL1

There are only two reasons why the mayor would drag this out so long. The first, and most likely, is that he's an EXTREMELY crappy politician. But if that's true, how did he ever get elected in the first place?

The second is that the contents of the tape are SO MUCH WORSE than any of us could possibly imagine that his very life depends on them never coming to light.

Either way, we'll find out. Tapes, by their very nature, come out eventually. That's how they roll.

Captain Obvious
Captain Obvious

Wonder if Dwaine has ever heard of the Streisand effect? He should have done as suggested and copped to it and apologized...people would have already forgotten. Now everyone MUST know, so it is a much higher profile story than it would have been otherwise.

I know he isn't really of the "internet generation", but man, Dwaine needs to get a clue about how these things work on the interwebs.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

He needs the tape released to him so he can get it edited to the point of "inaudible" before it goes to the public.

Diana Powe
Diana Powe

This is actually quite an insightful commentary on the state of the social landscape. It's like going into the home of a hoarder. There's so much stuff...everywhere....that you can only briefly take in little bits of it at a time before you're appalled by the next thing.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

Could it be Dwaine just isn't very bright?

GB
GB

I find it incredible that he doesn't have SOME idea of what might be on those tapes. He is gambling that the tapes might not contain details that would make disclosure worse. But he is gaming a public system, pleading privacy w/ one hand and then trying to quell the storm of curiosity that he whipped up with the other hand (ie. Arthur and Archie). I think JS has hit the nail on the head .... the Mayor could have just allowed the tapes to be made public, taken his public spanking and then moved on. The public seems to have an enormous capacity to digest this transgression and then move on to the next meal of scandal by someone else.

Heywood U Buzzoff
Heywood U Buzzoff

Poor Betty. 'Dwain Caraway is smart? Do you have evidence other than the pull your pants up campaign, calling the police chief when his wife shows him who wears that family, giving the key to the city to a man who held the head of his dogs in water buckets to kill them but can still toss a football which makes him acceptable to 'Dwain' to be used as an example to the kids of what a real man is? Someone once said we should judge people not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. We are still searching for 'Dwain' to exhibit some character.

Heywood U Buzzoff
Heywood U Buzzoff

I fear that we will relish the days when we did not know what where on the tape after it is published. It will either being the mayor in trouble for singing show tunes or repeating JWP's 'White People are all going to Hell'. Either way, nothing will come of it save for a few more gray hairs on JimS's pate.

Grumpy Demo
Grumpy Demo

For Dwaine the Don Hill 2.0 its a feature, not a bug.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

Especially if he was smart enough to release it during a time when there's other news of greater importance and it can get lost in the shuffle.

Betty, if you're going to defend him and call him bright, be bright enough yourself to spell his name correctly.

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