Sure, Caraway Gets Carried Away. And You Wanna Get Angry. But Then Comes the Pity.

Categories: Get Off My Lawn
SHZ_GetOffMyLawn_TitleImageV2.jpg
Dallas Mayor Pro Tem Dwaine Caraway was on The Ticket's Dunham & Miller show about an hour ago talking about why he gave the key to the city to convicted dog torturer Michael Vick. It was so typical. The Ticket guys started out all big and pissed off, talking about how they were going to whip Caraway's ass when he came on. And by the time Caraway finished up with them, they were practically singing him a lullaby.

After Caraway hung up the phone, they were saying stuff like, "He does sound like he has regret about the way he handled it" and "I don't think he would do it again if he had the choice" and "I think the reaction took him by surprise."

Oh, man. This is the whole problem! This is exactly the same problem I have with Caraway. Every time I think about Dwaine Caraway, I shake with rage. Rage! I can't stand this! Damn! I hate this! I am so utterly appalled and disgusted ...

... with myself.

the-dwaine-caraway-show.2027100.40.jpg
Morrey Taylor
In '08, Caraway surveyed some damage done in his district by someone named "The Carsonist."
Why am I mad at myself? This gets complicated. It's not what you think. It's not because, like Dwaine, I was hanging out at a gambling house in South Dallas and I asked the police not to raid it, and then I got in a fight with Arthur and Archie at my own house but the police chief sent out a special squad of cops to cover for me but then Arthur and Archie turned out to be cartoon characters that I made up but I really did have a bad fight with my wife and then I gave the keys to the city to an arrogant dog-torturing fiend.

I never did any of that stuff. Dwaine did it. Not me. So why am I mad at myself?

Because I keep feeling sorry for Dwaine. Just like those Ticket guys. It's awful how it creeps up on you.

I try, man. I try to do my duty as a journalist. I ball up my fists, and I make my face all red, and I sit down at the computer to make it happen. But then I start feeling sorry for him again.

I know. It's shameful. Especially being a journalist, I need to be in high, high dudgeon over everything Caraway. I didn't go to journalism school, but I'm sure if I had gone, they would have offered me a course in dudgeon. Dudgeon 101. It's an important part of how we sell newspapers and earn our salaries. I feel like I'm letting everyone down.

But ... you know. He just doesn't come across as a sneaky son of a bitch. In fact, Caraway needs to go back to politics school and take a course in Sneaky 101. He needs a lot of courses. Think what he would have to study in order to catch up with somebody like Dallas County Commissioner John Wiley Price. I could draw up a course list for that: Principles of Self-Seeking 200, Arrogance 301, Political Gangsters - A Simple How To.

I rode around in the car with Caraway when he was doing his pull-up-your-trousers campaign, and, even though people made fun of him for that, the guy was totally sincere, and, by the way, he had a good point. Do pull up your damn trousers!

He does care about his district, which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for Price.

I dread this whole thing about the real story behind Arthur and Archie. The rumors are terrible. He should tell the city to release the tape recording they made of him that night, because the truth couldn't possibly be as bad as the rumors.

But ... oh, now, there it goes again. The feeling sorry for him thing. Well, at least now that the Ticket guys gave him such a nice warm cuddle, I don't feel quite so bad.

Tell you what. Promise. Next time I see Dwaine, I am going to give him one hell of a frown. Straight-on. Big frown -- frowning to show my disapproval and my dudgeon. He'll just have to deal with it, like I guess I just have to deal with him.

Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help
29 comments
Tommievermillion
Tommievermillion

The very idea of giving someone of Michael Vick's character the "key to he city", is absolutely one of the worst thing worst actions I have seen lately. Of course, we know that key is in name only,but Michael Vick has to be the worst of the worst so called human being I have ever heard. In my eyes, and other too, he is as bad as any murderer I have ever heard of. If you treat and kill animals the way he and his buddies did you will eventually consider humans in the same manner. I would beware of that joker if I ever met him, temper might flair and you might be sorry you ever me up with him. Rehabilitation? He spent time in jail, but what about those times, was he thinking of his next victim or victims. The time he spent in jail or prison or whatever, he came back to making millions of dollars that some folks every week of football went out to see and he just laughed and thought what fools yo are, my hand was slapped and here I am just having a blast and I am forgiven. Not in my eyes and hopefully others.

Bailey1950
Bailey1950

The Ticket is notorious for throwing hissy fits and then dropping their pants and bending over backwards (her) self. Their rightous anger disappears when confronted. I blame this on their going to North Texas State. You know, the university whose most famous professor made a good career being a wrassling announcer. Whose motto is "simple degrees for simple minds".

Bettyculbreath
Bettyculbreath

The key was given to Vick for participating in the program,the meaning was,what you are doing to correct your bad decision.A second chance is just that, chance to make good.This was a young people gathering who happen to admire Vick for overcoming,not a hero,overcoming adversity and putting his life on the right track.You say what you want about Caraway,one thing he believes in the people he serves,he works over into the night helping parents with their kids.Come out and see the improvements in his district.If Martha Stewart came to town Leppert would be the first one in line to give her a key.Martha is a convicted felon on TV every day,have not seen any rally or demonstration to get her off TV.

Schutzesucks
Schutzesucks

Schutze is a stereotypical naive white libtard.

Jerry Noonan
Jerry Noonan

He is what the people demand. Characters like this is what keeps us moving toward Detroit-like existence (Jokeville). His constituency would re-elect him even if he beat up his mother because it's all good. Dallas has no standards anymore. What would Eric Johnson think today?

Liles
Liles

Seems to me, the message to "the children" is to go ahead and kill dogs or deal drugs or beat the livin' shit out of women NOW, because you'll need a definitive low point to begin your "upward" trajectory from crime to conviction to prison to a million dollar pro sports contract to getting that key to the city.

That's the premise, right? "Kids, you're all fucked up, but look at this guy! He was in prison and now he's a millionaire!"

Caraway is a douche bag. He (supposedly) wants to do something to set an example for children, and the best person he could come up with is Michael Vick? Seriously? News flash: most kids will never grow up to be pro athletes, and most will never be convicted of felonious crimes.

Reward a person who has never sacrificed their principles. Give a key to a humble citizen who has spent their entire life setting a good example for others. If the angle is to celebrate rehabilitation and reclamation, then give to the key to the City itself for having the patience to deal with people who keep fucking up.

You don't give it to a dog killer who has barely been out of prison for a year. Especially if that asshole plays for the Philadelphia Eagles. Jesus F'n Christ.

Rooster
Rooster

I heard the interview. The way they guy hid behind virtually every question they asked him using "I was just doing this for the children" was just absolutely shameful, and insulting to the intelligence of anyone with an IQ greater than a cinder block.

Craig Miller did mention it was a "sheild he just wouldn't drop".

Seriously, how politicians can do that with a straight face just absolutely amazes me.

It scares the crap out of me that a guy lacking any iota of common sense could one day end up running the city.

rocco
rocco

Caraway is exactly what the city needs for their new mayor!!! He'd be perfect. He's dumb as a rock, but very nice. He doesn't think anything out, but does it anyway, but he is very nice. And most of all---he's doin it for the children!

now, here's a guy that used to be a dog killer---listen to him children....Here's a guy that used to be a rapist---listen to him children....here's a guy that used to be a drug dealer---listen to him children....

really?

caraway is such a nice guy....

MBM
MBM

What the fuck is a Pro Tem anyway.

Doublefake
Doublefake

"It was so typical. The Schutze guy started out all big and pissed off, talking about how he was going to whip Caraway's ass. And by the time Caraway finished up with him, Schutze was practically singing him a lullaby." - The Double Fake Schutze in his new book The Crusty Affectation

MattL1
MattL1

First of all, dudgeon is an awesome word. People should use it more. Second, is there a list of all the people that have been given keys to Dallas? I'd like to see where the bassist from an at-best-mediocre '70's rock band and the quarterback for the Eagles stack up. I mean, how many keys do we have floating around out there?

Finally, yes kids, you need to pull your pants up. Not all the way to your natural waist or anything, but at least cover that which should be covered.

Cheers.

Phelps
Phelps

If nothing else, can this finally put to rest the silly notion that Caraway should Mayor Pro Tem, much less running for Mayor itself?

jfpo
jfpo

The Musers (and all Ticket hosts for that matter) should really avoid taking on anything serious outside of the sports or entertainment pages. They sound like fools more often than not. Their interview with Leppert shortly after he won the election made me vomit inside my mouth a little.

John_McKee
John_McKee

Caraway is a doe-eyed well-meaning fool who is in way over his head but frankly we can and have done a lot worse.

It's scary how much power he has and how close he is to so much more but such is the nature of our political system, I guess we should consider ourselves lucky that he appears to be a mostly honest bumbling fool instead of say former pro tem Don Hill or perhaps even worse, Tom Leppert.

heavy metal church lady
heavy metal church lady

Sigh. I feel similar, and I've even tried really seeing things from different angles. So if I start at the beginning, here is what I see: Dallas has no problem whatsoever giving the key, a street sign, and a vase with the city seal impressed upon it to Gene Simmons in a big presser in the Flag Room. Simmons splits blood and does that thing with his tongue for a living. (For those not in the know, that is a demonstration of his supposed cunnilingus virtuosity.) He doesn't believe in marriage because a wife is "just a half," a vile conniving woman that just wants half of everything a man has. So he hasn't married his former Playmate girlfriend who stays at home and raises the kids while he tries to sex up anything that moves. In short, he is a very classy man. But what's that you say? He was here to raise money for the troops? Yes, by providing a sex show. Has anybody been keeping up with the news on sexual assault and abuse of female soldiers in the military? It's really great that Simmons and the City Fathers are attuned to plight of our soldiers, that is the "halfs" that matter, the men, and brought the sex and sleaze show to Dallas to entertain the troops.They need more of that kind of misogynistic encouragement and the City certainly needs to back that kind of message as money-making enterprise that represents the fine citizens of Dallas.

On the other side of town, another key is given to another person. No, not in an official presser or in the Flag Room. The reason given is that while crime is crime, redemption is redemptive. We can all live beyond our mistakes. No arguments with that message. Do I believe in dog abuse? Of course not, but that's missing the real point.

Yes, I know we don't do equivalency here. We're uptight Protestants who can't get enough of telling the rest of the world what good conservatives we are here in Texas, but by God, if there's money to be made by exploiting women's bodies during the Super Bowl, bring it on! To the Flag Room. (Tongue flick, double metalhead hand signs above head, and out.)

Judge_Softy
Judge_Softy

The Courage Boys CLAIM it was Caraway who came on with them this morning, but I swear it was really Snapper John, M.D.

Liles
Liles

Really? A race-baited double standard for Keys to the City? Right. I don't recall any other felon who was given a key to the City of Dallas.

Comparing a complicit white collar criminal like Martha Stewart to a man who got a thrill out of murdering dogs is a bit of a reach, Betty. And I would imagine that Martha *has* been here at some point in time during Leppert's tenure, and I don't ever recall him ever giving her a key to the City.

This isn't about one single bad decision or mistake that Vick made. It's about a sickening pattern of violence that went on for months, if not years. It's about gambling directly tied to lives and deaths of animals. It's about a twisted millionaire electrocuting wounded or maimed dogs just to watch them suffer.

No kid would ever get dragged into something that sick, nor would they ever have the means to. Michael Vick bought and bred these expensive pure-bred animals for one reason: to kill each other, merely for his sick form of "entertainment".

And Caraway though this would be a valuable photo op for himself? (And make no mistake, that's the ONLY reason he did this - to have his picture taken with a pro football player.) Seriously?

He's that shortsighted? What. An. Idiot.

Vick got out of prison early. He didn't pay his debt to society. What kind of message is that for kids? Go ahead a commit crime, because the consequences really aren't as serious as we say they are. In fact, when you get out, we'll have a big party for you.

Jesus Christ, it's bad enough that the guy plays for the Philadelphia Eagles, but has Caraway even seen how low Vick regularly wears his drawers?

Research, dude. Do a little background check before you wrap your mouth around your foot.

Anybody who acts as an apologist for Vick - or for Caraway's idiotic decision to immortalize this scumbag - should be ashamed. There is no spinning this.

Have the guts to stand up and say this was a mistake, Betty. This man is dragging you straight down into the sewer with him.

Voters will remember this.

MBM
MBM

My thoughts exactly. Forget the fact that he killed a bunch of muts, HE IS A FUCKING EAGLE!!!! Let's go ahead and give one to Strahan, McNabb, Buddy Ryan, Coughlin, Eli Manning, and Brandon Jacobs!

cp
cp

It's like the "Vice Mayor".

Heywood U Buzzoff
Heywood U Buzzoff

Hey was just doing it for the children!!! And the solar powered water taxis!

@SnobhillPoser
@SnobhillPoser

"dudgeon"...well, he did disclose that he had never been to journalism class.

"high dudgeon" is a knife handle that was whittled out between bong hits?

oh well...as your average Texan would say, "the point is mute."

rubbercow
rubbercow

Frighteningly, this controversy will probably serve him well with his constituency.

KSK
KSK

What um...

Jay
Jay

Nice straw-man HMCL. "Texas" didn't hand out keys to has-been rocker and a convicted felon. No..."Dallas" owns that distinction.

"...can't get enough of telling the rest of the world what good conservatives we are here in Texas..."

Dallas and Dallas County are both majority minority, majority Democrat, and majority liberal. Democrats handed out both keys. Equivalency? Really?

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

might as well have been the ticket mouse.

Merritt Martin
Merritt Martin

Actually, Jim's usage is correct as there are two meanings to the word "dudgeon." One is now obsolete and refers to the wood used to make a hilt -- the one you mentioned. The second is, according to Merriam-Webster, "a fit or state of indignation."

http://www.merriam-webster.com...

heavy metal church lady
heavy metal church lady

My first paragraph clearly states that the City of Dallas gave the key to Simmons. The last paragraph is a literary generalization to drive home a point. I'm really not concerned whether it was a Dem or a Repub gave the key or street sign during the Photo-Op because according to Mayor Leppert:

"The [Caraway] action taken was not sanctioned by my office and was not an official ceremonial honor on behalf of the City of Dallas. Official Keys to the City are presented by the Mayor, or an elected official designated by the Mayor, and reserved, on a limited basis, for an elected official of international status. Clearly, this was not the case in this situation and done without my knowledge or approval."

Then, we can deduce that keying of Simmons was sanctioned by Mayor Leppert, and the elected official who gave the key, designated by the Mayor. It would be great for one of these media types to get a quote from the Mayor on his involvement in the key ceremony for Simmons. Glad you focused on what was important about the post, Jay.

Jay
Jay

Oh, a "literary generalization." So that's how that works. What the hell, Andrea Grimes liked it.

Now Trending

Dallas Concert Tickets

Around The Web

From the Vault

 

General

Loading...