The Sarah Palin Rules

By Robert Wilonsky Mon., Nov. 22 2010 at 3:25 PM

Categories: Politics, The Unfair Park Book Club

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Perhaps you've heard: Not three weeks after her abortion wingding at the Majestic, Sarah Palin's coming back to Dallas on Sunday to sign copies of her book America By Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith, and Flag, which went rogue over the weekend. She'll be at the Lincoln Park Barnes & Noble, which just sent over a lengthy list of do's and don'ts in advance of the 6 p.m. signing. So pay attention, Jack. From the guidelines:

We are expecting a very large crowd for this book signing, and in order to accommodate as many people as possible, we ask that you note the following:

• Wristbands will be handed out on a first-come, first-served basis beginning at 9 AM on 11/28/10. You must be present in order to get a wristband.
• You must present your original Barnes & Noble or BarnesnandNoble.com receipt for America by Heart in order to get a wristband.
• Maximum of 2 copies of America By Heart per person will be signed.
• Please make sure a parent or guardian accompanies all minors.
• No photos.
• No personalization of books.
• Customers may only approach signing table with America By Heart.
• No large bags will be allowed through the signing line.
• Cell phones and cameras will have to be turned off and put away before customers approach the signing table.
• Once wristbanded, customers who leave the line for an extended period (i.e. to go to work) will rejoin wristbanded line at its end, wherever that point may be.

Also: Do not look her directly in the eye. Keep her away from sunlight. Do not feed her after midnight. And do not get her wet.

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There were only 800 people at the Majestic to hear Palin.I wonder why they think it will be a large group,she's not former President Bush or someone with something profound to say in a book.People don't normally rush to buy ghost written fiction.
She is a rodent, a rodent I'd bang, but a rodent.
Screw Old Lady Palin, I've got eyes for Young Bristol.
Ms Palin and the skidmark on my white underwear are of equal value.
Lighten up douche bags, those same rules apply with any major celebrity that has a book signing. Emmitt Smith had similar rules explained in a handout before his book signings. It just expedites the entire process.
Maximum two books. Seems astringent. If you are ever wondering what the OPPOSITE of a Sarah Palin.....go here. http://www.pattismith.net/
There was an oft-stated theory Reagan was actually Chauncey Gardner. GHW Bush almost certainly was. Jr. Bush? He would have been, 'cept for Mr. Chaney.
I'm a reasonably liberal Democrat, but lately I've been contemplating voting for Palin for president. I'm seriously curious just how badly a truly terrible, clueless president can screw up the country in four years. A lasting painful depression? Entirely possible. Nuclear war? Not out of the question. Would her presumably wiser staff and cabinet save us from her boneheaded decisions? Would they mutiny if she got especially stupid? Or is the structure of the country stronger than that? Would we manage to limp along like we always do, just like we did through other bad presidents like Bush and Carter? Really stupid presidential candidates don't come along very often. Let's use this opportunity to see what America is really made of.
@elmer "Doesn't take much to make it big in politics. look who is in Washington now." Comparing Palin to Obama is like comparing a mall cop to a chief of police. I can't believe people fall for Palin. She's as empty as they come. Why can't conservatives get behind a woman, like Kay Bailey, who actually has some intelligence? I can't wait for the Obama/Palin debates. Like him or not, he will kill her.
@chevytexas - It's across NW Hwy from Northpark Mall. Another reason to stay awy from the malls this weekend. "could anuatian"
Its just not the Libs who don't like her.......
And no dark brown M&Ms. {chase inurepie} You've got to be kidding me. I wouldn't go near her pie.
Pepe She and her people do think she is a big deal. As do a whole lot of other people. Doesn't take much to make it big in politics. look who is in Washington now
We're all safe; does anyone even know where "Lincoln Park" is in DFW?
Does she and "her people" actually think she's a big deal? Really? I cringe everytime I hear her speak.
I wonder if the people in line will have to clean up the marks left behind from all that knuckledragging.
Oh, man, does that crazy beyotch have some INSANE book singing rules that every other best-selling author probably has as well but they're not someone liberals get creamy making fun of.
"Her other book Going Rogue was released only 12 months ago. She's a busy beaver, eh?" Gotta cash in while she's still popular. She's like a pop music band: Milk it all before media moves on to the next popular act.
Did I read this right? Start lining up at 9a for a 6p signing? And, if you leave the line you go the back of it? No photos? No personalization? This is not somebody running for public office!
@Dr. Ralph - Lighten up, Francis.
"But this woman is a moron whose only true ability is to stir up racists, xenophopes and fundamentalists to a state of indignation." Well, she certainly stirs up you and the rest of the UP commentors, so yeah, guess you're right.
I will get her wet!
If one were to have a true conservative philosophy and were able to articulate those thoughts in a clear manner, ala William F. Buckley, I would at least respect their opinions. But this woman is a moron whose only true ability is to stir up racists, xenophopes and fundamentalists to a state of indignation.
Her other book <i>Going Rogue</i> was released only 12 months ago. She's a busy beaver, eh?
damn she makes my pants go crazy!
Wasn't she JUST here?
I hear straighten hair and leopard print blouses are also encouraged. The number of MILFs in large SUVs will be astounding.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
It's strange, if you get all baked and watch Sarah Palin's Alaska with the sound down and <i>Dark Side of the Moon<i> playing -- there are some very odd synchronicities!
One word: microwave
meh. . Passing this one up. . Even though she's hot and eats moose, which in my book makes her as qualified as any of the clowns in Washington nowdays, I can't help but think I'd walk away thinking that's 2 hours of my life I'm never going to get back.