Why's Justin Wagoner Slow Roasting on Knox Just to Get an iPhone? Nothing Better to Do.

Photos by Andrea Grimes

Tuna salad sandwich, intert00bz, shilling for Apple.

​It would probably take some kind of seizure disorder to set in before most Texans, or anyone else, would agree to camp outside during a June heatwave for a week straight on a patch of concrete. But Justin Wagoner actually does have a seizure disorder, as he wrote in his first post to MacRumors (scroll down), though he told me this morning it was his love for all things Apple that inspired him to set up a tent outside the Knox-Henderson Apple store and proselytize about the new iPhone 4 to any and all who had ears to hear.

The Dallas native says he hasn't had a vacation in 10 years, so he figured a week-long camping trip to the beautiful outdoor preserve of the K-H Ranch was the way to go. I mean, lame, right? Sure. But not as lame as arguing about the extent of Duder's lameness  on a computer forum, an activity that rages on at this very moment.

Nice? Digs.

​I'm a Mac enthusiast, myself, ever since the day I ditched my Dell for an iBook the size of a twin bed before heading off to college. So I'm not inclined to talk about Duder's lameness so much as his impending death and speedy decay amongst overpriced home goods. Have you seen the forecast? It's effing Texas in effing June; hell, I can't believe I even just linked to that forecast. It is going to be really hot is what I am saying, and I am also saying that this guy is going to be really hot as a result of the hotness and maybe he will die and won't that make going to the Uptown Chuy's awkward for a few weeks.

On the other hand, if the heat doesn't get him, surely any one of Uptown's native drunk-driving, dick-wagging Affliction-wearers could get ahold of him after bar close, right? Well, think again, dickwaggers. Wagoner told me "they" are hiring a private security firm to hang out with him at night. Who's "they"? Who knows. Wagoner swears it's a volunteer gig.

"I just figured I didn't have anything better to do with my time," a flush-faced Wagoner told me this morning. Hopefully Apple's hustling on getting some extra battery life into Wagoner's iMortalCoil.