A Lengthy Profile of Tom Hicks in Which He Discovers Sports Teams Are Not Soft Drinks

By Robert Wilonsky Tue., May 4 2010 at 8:03 AM

Categories: Biz, Sports

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A Friend of Unfair Park directs our attention to yet another Sports Business Journal story about Tom Hicks -- this one, a massive profile that attempts to reconcile his personal wealth ("The Matisse on the library wall looks utterly appropriate") with his professional woes ("his sports portfolio, once among the most impressive in the industry, is in the process of disbandment"). Bruce Schoenfeld recaps Hicks's turbulent tenure as owner of the Texas Rangers, Dallas Stars and Liverpool FC -- all of which he's offloading, much to the delight of higher-ups within the respective sports. Says one unnamed NHL exec, "He needs to be gone."

Which has been Hicks's plan all along, he tells Schoenfeld in the 5,100-word profile. "This was never going to be a dynastic asset," he insists, meaning: He always bought with the intention of selling.

Grab your coffee. It's a long read, but worth every word -- very Fake Tom Hicks. Need proof? An excerpt:

What matters most to Hicks is the ultimate feedback of a big black number on his financial statement, and all three of his investments in sports franchises are primed to pay him handsome returns. That goes a long way toward mitigating the carping and criticism. "I've been doing high-risk, high-return investment since 1977," he said, leaning back in a chair at his home after a steak lunch cooked by his private chef. "It's all I've ever done. So I'm used to having some deals be great and some not work out. I don't get devastated because, at the end of the day, whatever happens, it's a deal. These are sports teams, so I have to read about it in the newspaper. That's the only difference."

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He's skint. And despite loading Liverpool, texas rangers and dallas stars with loads of debts and shattering each fan's dreams, the cunt is going to make a big return on all of those 3 clubs.
To all those that maintain that the only reason Jerry, T. Hicks or any other owner is in sports is solely to make money, let me cite two owners; Mark Cuban and Lamar Hunt. Lamar was losing money hand over fist for years. He didn't one time ever say he had to stop writing checks. He didn't tell the fans that they would have to show up before he would start spending again. Considering where he came from, I expect he had a pretty good grip on the concept of turning a buck. That was not what motivated him to start a whole damn league. Cuban has turned a profit on the Mavs exactly one year. Say what you will about his methods, but I defy anyone to tell me that he puts profit ahead of putting the best product he can on the court. I don't give a damn if the owner turns a profit or not. If they can't pay to play then stay over there with your pickle and champagne companies. Tom, nobody gives a shit if you run Vlasic in the ground, but it tends to piss people off if you start messing with their sports teams.
Both the actions of Tom Hicks (and Jerry Jones, for that matter) and the passionate responses of these fans demonstrate how utterly worthless our whole sports culture has become. As fans, we look to sports for some degree of personal satisfaction, for some validation of our collective values, and sometimes just for fun. What the sports barons have done is taken these yearnings and turned them into machines that exist solely for the crass enrichment of these moguls. That is why the Tom Hicks and Jerry Jones classes don't care at all about the people who enrich them--either the players or the fans. As long as the money machine keeps churning out profits and ego boosters, they will keep at it. And when the profits go, they will go find some other way to separate your from your dollars. Because that is what they do.
What Hicks, that big douchebag, fails to understand is that sports teams aren't just some investment vehicle for letting fat white guys turn a profit. They are public trusts - the public puts its trust in you to do the right thing! That means having the means to field a competitive team without borrowing out your ass, then defaulting. And NOT going public and stating that you can do so "when there are enough tickets sold" to warrant it. You do what it takes to win, and THEN the fans show up. This guy is a piece of shit, and I can't wait until the Metroplex wipes him off of our collective sports boot.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2010/05/tom-hicks-and-george-gillett-are-the-real-problem-at-liverpool.html An opinion from this side of the pond with which few on either side will disagree.
@cp - Can't vouch for Stars prices but Rangers have been amongst the lowest in the league for quite some time. Not that I'm defending the guy, any goodwill he had left was lost during this sale process. @Scott - Catch 22 question, what's worse? An owner who wants to spend yet run everything from socks to jocks...or an owner whose purse strings are tight but allows his guys to run the team?
@cp: Tom Hicks most certainly doesn't give two shits about what any one of us thinks. But I think the outrage stems from the fact that, as sports fans, we desire--whether it's a realistic desire or not--for the owners of the teams we support to actually care about the success of the teams, not just their own bottom line. Professional sports is obviously a business, and the financial success of a franchise is most definitely important. I think it just sucks to see that Hicks' involvement with the Rangers and Stars is such a passionless investment.
I agree with Dave. Why do ADULTS spend $100 for a jersey that only kids should wear? Adults in jerseys look foolish. Especially the fat ones. The history of Dallas Stars ownership is disappointing. First Norm Greed (who also could not afford the team) and now Hicks.
@cp, Jerry takes his share of criticism over psl's, expensive beer/food, BUT the differece in Hicks and Jerry is quite obvious. Jerry lives and dies Cowboys, he will spend anything to get a winner on the field. Hicks, as he admitted in the linked story, was in it for the DEAL, the money, and thats all. Have you ever heard Jerry say that the owner has to QUIT writing checks. Hicks deserves all the scorn he gets, and the more he keeps opening his mouth now, the worse it is going to get.
As promising as the Stars' and Rangers' Hicks-less futures look, I am still incensed that this cretin is still neck-deep in UT athletics. <b>Let my 'horns run free!</b>
Yeah and that private chef of his probably makes more in six months than any of us will ever see in our lifetimes. I'm with GWF and Dave, I just will never understand how a billionaire who made his money in high-risk investments and decided to buy up some sports teams and charge high ticket prices inspires such scorn while another billionaire who has done essentially the same thing (but took his sports team OUT of Dallas County because we wouldn't pay for his stadium) is lauded as some kind of a hero. Why would this be considered "spin control"? Do any of you honestly think that Hicks really gives a shit about anything you think?
What a lying piece of crap he is. He put his sons in leadership positions with all these sports teams because it was going to be a family business. He is only reversing course because he finally borrowed too much. What a buffoon.
a fatwa on hicks, perhaps jamal?
@Scott's merkin, Amen brother..doesn't really surprise me that Hicks is the personification of Dallas to alot of the World. He'd surely represent Texan's and Texas better if he was from the Fort..Hey Little Tommy Hicks..it's fixing to get really hot..and you're going to need to pay the City of Dallas for your million dollar water bill..effing sell the effing teams already you POS jackass, Audios MoFo, from all good sweet Texans (Tejanos too, cause I'm not Bascik)
if he keeps talking shit and thumbing his nose at the fans of his teams, the only meals he's ever going to eat are going to be cooked by that private chef- in the safe, secure confines of his own home.
I stopped going to Stars game when they relegated the true fans to the nose bleeds in the AAC. I laugh at the lemmings who wear their stupid Stars jerseys padding Hick's wallet waiting in line for the few restrooms up there...
I am always reminded of Pete Gent's book "North Dallas Forty" where the player is yelling to the coach,"When I call it a game you call it a business and when I call it a business,you call it a game". The unsophistication of Dallas sports fans is legendary.
This is spin control by him, trying to put a nice gloss on a turd of a deal. I figure he's not capable of admitting to a mistake. His ego won't allow it.
What a piece of shit he is. All this time he sold his team ownership to us a family deal that he wanted to pass on for generations. he tried to make us believe he cared about winning but as we all suspected he was a money hungry ass hat. I cant wait for the day he is out of our DFW sports lives. MLB cant take this team back soon enough. I wonder if the NHL has the "best interest of the league" clause