As Far as Simpsons Go, I'd Rather Be Writing About O.J.

O dream of dreams, o hope of hopes fulfilled! For truly, Blonde Ambition is now available in its entirety online. Now we can all get educated on the issues and talk about the politics of gender and why everyone's shitting on Jessica Simpson for this embarrassment of a film and Luke Wilson gets off with a warning. Or we could all shove pipe cleaners down our throats and do shots of rubbing alcohol. Yes, that sounds better.

With the pipe cleaner halfway down my esophagus, I feel obliged to tell you that the brilliant think tank that is Star magazine has made some serious allegations about the veracity of the Jessica Simpson-Tony Romo relationship ... or fauxmance, if you will. (Yeah, linking to the Boston Herald talking about Star magazine reduced the amount of yarf in my mouth by up to 33 percent!) Sayeth Star via Herald: "The love affair between the Cowboys’ field general and the Dukes of Hazzard star was engineered by her domineering dad, Joe Simpson, to whip up publicity for his little girl …"

But, wait -- there's more! By which I mean, less.

The Dallas Morning News spotted Romo in a Dallas-sized trifecta at the Gaylord Texan last night, where he joined Jessica, her sister Ashlee, and Ashlee's boyfriend, Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy, for his weekly Inside the Huddle show on Live 105.3. What do you know? These pipe cleaners kinda tickle. --Andrea Grimes


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