I Will Die Childless And Alone And Without Stretch Marks

Categories: Girl on Top
This is Weekly Bob, who Andrea Grimes finds so adorable she's thinking of having a Lil' Bob herself. Or, maybe not.

Last night, the man o' the hour and I had a lovely Valentine's Day dinner at CiCi's Pizza. We went to the nice one, of course, up in the Medallion Center. We were enjoying two overflowing plates of pizza 'n' pasta 'n' salad each when our romantic dinner was interrupted by the shrill squeals of unattended children running rampant through the restaurant's game room.

"You couldn't pay me to have children right now," I said, taking a third bite of my buffalo chicken pizza and savoring its twangy, tangy whang. The man o' the hour nodded in agreement, carefully slicing his second oversized cinammon roll.

Indeed, on this very blog, I've made it no secret that I consider the act of childrearing to be, at best, a shocking display of poor judgment. But when the aforementioned man o' the hour showed me the latest issue of a neighborhood newspaper known as The Weekly Bob, my little Grinch-like heart grew two times larger.


Certain Lakewood residents fortunate enough to reside within the circulation area of The Weekly Bob are treated to the weekly musings of a Dallas 7-year-old with one of the most fantastic imaginations around. Muchas props go out to the kid-raising skills of Club Dada co-owner and Hard Night's Day member Bob Cummins (and, presumably, his baby mama).


Lil' Bob draws pictures of superheros, interviews his neighbors (in this issue: Brad, a Mockingbird Kroger employee) and keeps his readers posted on the trials and tribulations of being 7 and very busy -- he had to sing in his church choir this week, but, horror of horrors, he had gum stuck in his hair mere minutes before the performance! Mom came to the rescue, though, and all went off without a hitch. I hate it when kids are this freaking cute.


If you're not lucky enough to live within The Weekly Bob's circulation radius, however, fear not: He's got a blog illustrated with his own original artwork.


Unfortunately, Weekly Bob is probably at school right now, so he's unavailble for comment. If anyone's got an issue of The Weekly Bob they'd like to bring up here for a scan so we can share the goodness with the Greater Dallas area, you can drop it off at Unfair Park HQ in my care.


Confidential to Weekly Bob: Per your Blogger profile, I see you count Mr. Popper's Penguins among your favorite books. I consider it an inspiration myself. Great minds, eh? --Andrea Grimes


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