The Best Obituary Ever

By Robert Wilonsky Tue., Jan. 23 2007 at 9:17 AM

Categories: News

This is a photo of Howard Forbes, whose wife gave him one of the greatest send-offs we've read in a long, long time.

A somber way to begin the day, perhaps, but the missus rang me in Park City, Utah, this morning to direct my attention to, of all things, an obituary in today's Dallas Morning News. No, it's not for anyone necessary prominent or famous, but for a man named Howard Forbes, who was a few days from his 70th birthday. "This is how I want my obituary done," she said this a.m., referring to the way it was written -- not as one of those dry history-ofs, but as a sweet short story penned by Howard's wife, in which she chronicles his last day alive, which was Thursday. Howard's death came a surprise, writes his wife, to everyone except, perhaps, Howard.

Writes Howard's wife: "We are planning a small private memorial over the summer. We will not be holding a service in Dallas. Howard was a proud Scott [sic] who wept at the bagpipes -- he will have his bagpipes. And the loons have promised to play taps. I love you Stinky." The wife seems most disappointed that Howard's death means the cancellation of his chocolate surprise birthday party, featuring "chocolate fountains, fondue forks for dunking, chocolate candles, chocolate potpourri, Hershey's t-shirts, custom chocolates, etc. You should have hung around a little longer." Just lovely. --Robert Wilonsky

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