Fat Ain't Phat

Or Is It? Shella Sattler is hot. She is a former cheerleader for the Dallas Cowboys and Los Angeles Clippers. She could pretty much seduce any guy in Dallas. But you know what? Shella craves fat dudes.

Weird I know, but there's a twist. Isn't there always? When she's not busy all beautiful and curvy, Sattler is the director of the Dallas Mavericks dancers, and the nationally renowned, locally embarrassing squad of male fatties called the Dallas Mavericks ManiAACs. And just so happens she's looking for some beefy boys to fill out this year's team. Qualifications: You must be male, at least 18, love to dance, OK with making a fool of yourself for the enjoyment of 20,000 and, of course, you gotta be fat.

The ManiAACs were actually kinda funny when they debuted in the 2002 playoffs. They've appeared at NBA All-Star Games and on The Tonight Show. But, hear me out Shella--and, psst, call me!--they should be a once-in-blue-moon AAC novelty act, not a nightly staple.

Interested males can lard onto here for an application and send it, along with a full-length picture--yikes--to Mavs ManiAACs, 2909 Taylor St., Dallas, TX 75226. Deadline is Wednesday. So, go ahead, have that fourth buttermilk biscuit and gravy. --Richie Whitt