Holy Crap, They Killed Kenny!

Or, at least, you better. Texas Rangers fans, your old friend Kenny Rogers returns to the south park known as Ameriquest Field this weekend as a Detroit Tiger. Rogers, last seen in these parts attacking Fox 4 cameraman Larry Rodriguez for no good reason, takes the mound Sunday afternoon. And he'd better get showered with boos. Maybe a chair could find its way onto the field, or at least a disposable camera? Anyone who cheers, much less is part of a standing ovation, is hereby barred from this here blog. Immediately and eternally.

I know Rogers has apologized and settled with Larry, has agreed to take an anger management class and, by all accounts, is being a saint this spring up in Dee-twah. Still, he's yet to offer a sincere apology to Rangers fans or his former teammates. And let's not get carried away. His mediation with Rodriguez didn't exactly turn out fair. Larry walked away with about 100 grand; Kenny signed a two-year contract with the Tigers worth $16 million.

"My husband will have pain the rest of his life," said Rodriguez' wife, Angelita. "Kenny gets to go pitch again. Don't tell me we didn't get screwed in this whole deal."

The worst part was Larry telling me that during breaks in the January mediation in Dallas, he and Angelita could hear through the office walls Kenny and his team of six lawyers laughing and cuttin' up about the details of the debacle.

"We were really pissed," Larry said. "We felt like David versus Goliath."

Larry made his first visit to Ameriquest Field since the attack last week, and reports an outpouring of support. One elderly woman even offered him $5, just because.

"It's been amazing," Larry said. "I figured they'd forget about me. But I can't tell you how many people read the story in the Observer and are offering help in one way or another."

Through it all, Rodriguez, a lifelong Rangers fan, has one lingering regret: "I wish he and the team would've handled it quicker and handled it right," he said. "Because, honestly, I wish Kenny was still a Ranger. We need the pitching." --Richie Whitt