You Betcha: Week 5

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for GEICO cash.jpg
See that? Over there. To your right?

That's not the money you could be saving with GEICO. It's the money you lost last year betting with Richie Whitt.

But, alas, in the spirit of persistence, stubborness and doubling down, we're back at it again in 2009. I owe it to you and myself (and my bookie) to be bigger, bolder and, yes, better than a putrid 7-10 this season.

Okay, thanks to last week's low-scoring game we're playing with house money. Let's have some fun.

This should be easy. I said should.

We always use the Detroit Lions as our default punch line, but the Kansas City Chiefs have been worse. As in, in their last 29 games they've won twice. Twice!

Watched some of Giants 27, Chiefs 16 last week at Arrowhead and New York could've named its score. I expect a similar blowout Sunday.

You Betcha: Week 4

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for GEICO cash.jpg
See that? Over there. To your right?

That's not the money you could be saving with GEICO. It's the money you lost last year betting with Richie Whitt.

But, alas, in the spirit of persistence, stubborness and doubling down, we're back at it again in 2009. I owe it to you and myself (and my bookie) to be bigger, bolder and, yes, better than a putrid 7-10 this season.

Not sure exactly what to make of either the Dallas Cowboys or the Denver Broncos. You?

The Cowboys are 2-1; Broncos 3-0. The combined record of the five teams they've defeated: 3-12. Vegas obviously isn't buying what Denver is selling. I don't remember the last time a 3-0 team playing at home was a 3-point underdog.

You Betcha: Week 2

Thumbnail image for GEICO cash.jpg
See that? Over there. To your right?

That's not the money you could be saving with GEICO. It's the money you lost last year betting with Richie Whitt.

But, alas, in the spirit of persistence, stubborness and doubling down, we're back at it again in 2009. I owe it to you and myself (and my bookie) to be bigger, bolder and, yes, better than a putrid 7-10 this season.

So much for first impressions. Tony Romo throws touchdowns over 40, 60 and 80 yards - first time that trick's been turned by a Cowboys' quarterback in almost 50 years - and just like that we're in a $1,000 hole.

Not to worry. Like everything else around these parts these days, our debt is engulfed, over-shadowed by Jonestown Coliseum. Back in training camp owner Jerry Jones promised the stadium would lift his team's level of play.

Yeah, an actual, tangible advantage. I'm in.

You Betcha: Week 1

GEICO cash.jpg
See that? Over there. To your right?

That's not the money you could be saving with GEICO. It's the money you lost last year betting with Richie Whitt.

But, alas, in the spirit of persistence, stubborness and doubling down, we're back at it again in 2009. I owe it to you and myself (and my bookie) to be bigger, bolder and, yes, better than a putrid 7-10 this season.

Let's kick-off the year with an aggressive play on a conservative game.

Your Dallas Cowboys start '09 missing Terrell Owens and, therefore, a vertical passing game. In 80 pre-season snaps Tony Romo had one completion of more than 25 yards and that was a run-n-catch, 42-yard screen to Felix Jones.

With Wade Phillips committed to being a Top 10 running team, I suspect offensive coordinator Jason Garrett will err on the side of caution, at least early in the season. Look for Dallas to dink, dunk and double-dip the Tampa Bay defense with doses of 8-yard passes to tight ends Jason Witten and Martellus Bennett. Covering them for the Buccaneers is no longer Derrick Brooks or Cato June, but Quincy Black and Geno Hayes. Yikes.

You Betcha: Week 17

You Betcha.jpgBack in August I started with a mythical bankroll of $10,000, courtesy of Bodog Online Gaming. First of all, because their site is easy to navigate. Second, because they're based in Costa Rica and have had minimal success tracking me down in the past.

I was to analyze games of local interest each weekend and make a wager every Friday. With any luck, by Christmas it was going to be toys for everyone.

Welp, Christmas is here. The fortune? Eh, notsomuch.

Or, is it merely still en route?

We didn't come here to lose. Nor did we show up to play conservative. At 7-9 and down $2,500 for the season I could cut my losses, take solace in the entertainment and go home a lower-case loser.

Or - you knew that was coming, din't you? - we could make one last grasp at the females on Ferraris.

Bust or boon, here we come.

You Betcha: Week 16

You Betcha.jpgI'll have much much much more on Terrell Owens, Tony Romo and the impending Dallas Star-Telegram later today.

But for now, gimme them dice. I'm on a roll:

Down to my last wager a few weeks back, we're now within one winner of actually outfitting you guys in sexy, shining things this Christmas season.

The Cowboys? I think their season amounts to so much coal in a stocking.

You Betcha: Week 15

You Betcha.jpgIf Marion Barber was healthy. If Ben Roethlisberger was healthy. If Felix Jones and Miles Austin and Kyle Kosier were all 100 percent for Sunday's Cowboys-Steelers game.

Oh yeah, and if the field wasn't a patch of slippery sod slop out of a Saving Private Ryan battle scene.

If all those were in play, I'd feel comfortable about Dallas plus 3 points in Pittsburgh. No doubt that, at equal strength, the Cowboys are a better team. With Tony Romo in uniform Dallas is 7-2 with losses only in overtime at Arizona on a blocked punt and by two points to the Redskins.

But injuries and elements will be major factors come Sunday. So ...

You Betcha: Week 14

  Thumbnail image for You Betcha.jpg 
   If Boot Town can go out of business in Texas and if home builder D.R. Horton can lose $800 million and have its stock price shoot up because it's not that bad, then in this absurd, quirky financial climate anything's possible.

   Even, perhaps, a winning streak? A colossal comeback from the cusp of Chapter 7?

   Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves. Two wins in a row have afforded me a little ammunition, but I'm still a Christmas miracle from our wish of females on Ferraris under the tree.

   This week seems simple. The Cowboys are on a roll. The Seahawks have rolled over.

You Betcha: Week 13

Something I never envisioned typing along my life’s journey: Thank you, Martellus Bennett.

But because of the backup tight end’s athletic, dramatic touchdown grab in Washington last week I’m still in bidness. Barely.

Down a cool $7,500 this season, but in better shape than the poor schmucks who got hosed on Steelers-Chargers last week. You familiar?

In short, on the game’s final play the Chargers attempted to lateral their way out of an 11-10 deficit, but instead Pittsburgh’s Troy Polamalu scooped up a loose, live ball for a touchdown. After reviewing the play, referees incorrectly, inexplicably ruled the play dead. So instead of the Steelers – who were 4 1/2-point favorites – winning 18-10, the final score remained 11-10.

Bottom line: Steelers bettors who should’ve won lost; Chargers bettors who should’ve lost won. And then there’s all the fantasy league implications. Be careful NFL, I say, because deep down you know a major engine that drives your popularity is gambling – be it legally, illegally, weekly pots, fantasy leagues or $1 side bets with your buddy.

The networks aren’t supposed to talk about this sort of thing, of course. But if you listen closely you’ll hear NBC’s Al Michaels cryptically make mention every week. During the fourth quarter of Cowboys 14, Redskins 10, for example, he said “this game was never supposed to be under the radar … some people are overwhelmed.” It was, clearly to us degenerates, a nod to the fact that the game wasn’t going to reach the established point total of 44 points.

Which, after taking the long, scenic route, brings us to this week’s play.

You Betcha: Week 12

Lee Trevino always says pressure isn’t trying to make a putt to win The Masters.

“Pressure,” he maintains, “is trying to make a putt for a $10 bet with only $5 in your pocket.”

I feel ya, Merry Mex. Unfortunately, I feel ya loud and clear.

With my gas tank on “E” and my Super Bowl prediction clinging by a hangnail, I’m counting on the Dallas Cowboys to finally play like the Dallas Cowboys. If not – best-laid plans be damned – we’ll be bankrupt by Thanksgiving. I’ll need a loan.

And Wade Phillips will need a new job.

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