Dallas Sports Blog

​For a couple weeks I coughed and sneezed and hacked and blew and ... denied. Last night I gave up and went to the doctor.

Sure enough: Swine Flu. AIDS. Walking Pneumonia.

Sorry, but today I gotta make this - ahhhhhchooooo! - short and sweet:

*Rick Carlisle gets mad and Erick Dampier gets what? 14 points? 20 rebounds? I smell a trade in the Mavericks' future.

*This is the problem with we, the media. When the D.C. snipers were on their killing rampage back in October of 2002, the story was everywhere. Headlines on TV. Front page of the newspaper. But today, after mastermind John Allen Muhammad was finally executed, it's buried on page 5. I just wished we lived in a world where mass murderers faced judgment in seven days, not seven years. And I wished, as Michael Irvin once famously pleaded, we'd cover the punishment with as much intensity as we covered the crime.

No. 12 in your football program ... No. 12 on our fantasy roster.

​When I say No. 22, who comes to mind?

Do you immediately think of the Dallas Cowboys' all-time best runner? Or their all-time best rusher? Or perhaps instead the second-leading all-time scorer in the history of the Dallas Mavericks?

The quest is to attach a Dallas/Fort Worth player to every sports uniform 0-99. A fantasy roster, if you will.

The criterion for determining which local athlete "owns" a specific number is as simple as it is subjective. It's not necessarily the best player to wear the number, but more so an associative combination of performance, personality, pizzazz and perseverance.

Bob Hayes vs. Emmitt Smith seems a juicy first bite. When Hayes was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame last month it reminded me how cool - how fast - he was as the greatest number 22 in franchise history. Then Smith's image as the NFL's all-time leading rusher plunged into the conversation, followed closely by Rolando Blackman. Double-deuce may be, in fact, the most talented number in the history of Dallas sports.

But it's certainly not the most easily identifiable. Some numbers are indelible. Bless David Murphy because Texas Rangers' new/old catcher Pudge Rodriguez will always be No. 7. I say 12 and you see Roger Staubach. Nolan Ryan is No. 34. Roy Tarpley, for all the wrong reasons, evokes No. 42.

But who is our definitive No. 9: Tony Romo? Mike Modano? Maybe even Tatu? At 19: Eric Dickerson or Juan Gonzalez? The tug-of-war for numerical immortality at No. 20 is between a baseball MVP (Jeff Burroughs), a Stanley Cup champion (Ed Belfour) and an NFL Hall of Famer (Mel Renfro). Who's the better gritty captain at No. 10: the Rangers' Michael Young or the Stars' Brenden Morrow? Does No. 24 belong to the Mavs' Mark Aguirre or the Cowboys' Everson Walls? Do you associate No. 37 with the good of Doak Walker or the bad of Kenny Rogers? Is our No. 44 the heightened disappointment of Mavs' center Shawn Bradley or the diminutive desire of Cowboys' fullback Robert Newhouse?

This roster, of course, is fluid. A year ago Terrell Owens was our area's greatest all-time No. 81. Now he's in Buffalo and his reputation 'round these parts has been 86'd. T.O. vs. Jackie Smith just might make 81 our most heinous number. Is Mavericks' point guard Jason Kidd No. 5 (circa 1994) or No. 2 (circa 2008) or neither (circa all the years in between)? Can Rangers' shortstop Elvis Andrus someday - if not already - steal No. 1 from Rafael Septien? Can Cowboys' receiver Roy Williams overtake Danny White for 11? Felix Jones seemingly has a ways to go before catching Darren Woodson at 28. But Rangers' surprising ace Scott Feldman is closer than you think to owning 39. Is Neftali Feliz a legitimate threat to Dan Reeves at No. 30?

For my money, Randy White is a more deserving 54 than Chuck Howley, but just barely. Nate Newton's 61 - tainted as it is - dwarfed the laughable legacy of the Rangers' Chan Ho Park. Jethro Pugh edges Tony Casillas for 75, John Niland is still holding off Flozell Adams at 76, Harvey Martin is No. 79 over Erik Williams, Alvin Harper owns 80 over Tony Hill, Golden Richards No. 83 over Kelvin Martin and Jay Novacek is the better No. 84 tight end over Doug Cosbie.

No. 88: Gotta be Michael Irvin over Drew Pearson. Right?

If the 2009 Cowboys are to have a playoff season, Anthony Spencer needs to make us forget Peppi Zellner at 93, DeMarcus Ware needs to convincingly snatch 94 away from Charles Haley, and Marcus Spears needs to unseat Ebenezer Ekuban at 96.

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but this Dallas dream lineup surely is worth a couple lively debates. For the record, Smith's unprecedented production ultimately tops Hayes' legendary speed for No. 22.

 Grab a beer, choose a side and pick a number. Any number.

​There are sports. There are athletes. And then, above below all else, there is Beer Pong.

I'll be on the golf course Saturday morning. But quick as I can get there I'll then be at fabled Lee Harvey's for their first annual Beer Pong Tournament.

Singles. Doubles. And, yes, a Bikini division, the entrants of which are afforded free play and - voila - free beer.

Better days, my friend. Better days.

To quote the great Eddie Izzard, "The problem with America? You fuckers keep tearing down your history, man!"

Stubborn answer: Progress.

Grim reality: Sadness.

I remember a kinder, gentler era in Dallas when as a little punk I'd peer out the family Fury along I-35 and gaze in wonder at The Sportatorium, P.C. Cobb Stadium and a futuristic construction site dedicated to a dazzling new structure to be called Reunion Arena.

And now: This.

Danny Hurley

Commence jealousy. Miles Austin loving that it's his birthday.

We've got a handful of photo sets up from the weekend that, even if they're not quite sports shots, are at least sports-related. Well, close enough they're worth a mention here in the Sportatorium.

First off, got to point out Mark Graham's batch of photos from the big deal at Russ Martin Automotive Saturday afternoon that Richie mentioned yesterday. You'll find more from the former Live 105.3 favorite onstage, and his loyalest of fans, in this slideshow.

Before I run out the door to Arlington this afternoon for a sneak peek at the facelift applied to Rangers Ballpark, thought I'd make a quick to-do list:

*Since the Mavs suck and the Stars suck and the Cowboys suck and the Rangers will in all likelihood suck, look into other sports. Like, for example, curling?

*Take frustrations out on a baseball or softball at Plano's state-of-the-art Extra Innings.

*Play God Commissioner for a day.

If I could I'd change a lot about sports. Off the top of my head - what do you know? - I came up with a Top 10 ...

   *If you've noticed some quirky fonts or crooked pictures this week it's because Sportatorium is taking a fancy schmancy new software program for a test drive. Cool thing for you customers is that if you see a pic you'd like to see even bigger - like, I dunno, maybe the one just to the left that gives OU girls equal time - all you do is click on it. Presto. Magnification! ...

   *You know Dirk Nowitzki was named NBA Player of the Week. What you didn't know is that he's won the honor nine times. And that, at 24.7 points per game, he's all the way up to fourth in  the league in scoring. Bet you a nickel he tops that tonight against the Pacers ...

   *I thought the Stars were done after Brenden Morrow's injury. Now, with the loss of Steve Ott and Jere Lehtinen for significant time, they're officially buried. In case you quit paying attention, Dallas has the fewest points and wins in the NHL ...

   *This is what you call an ominous footnote: Kyle Kosier will likely miss Thursday's game against Seattle. With him in uniform the Cowboys are 5-0. Without him they are, um, sucky ...

For those of you scoring at home, the answers to Friday’s pop quiz are:

1. M; 2. E; 3. G; 4. F; 5. N; 6. J; 7. L; 8. K; 9. D; 10. I; 11. A; 12. H; 13. C; 14. O; 15. B.

Which means, according to my math, free Observers and red-carpet access into our Sportatorium to:

Simple. Anyone getting the matches perfecto wins a year’s free subscription to the Dallas Observer (redeemable each Thursday at any local newsstand). And oh, what the heck, since I’m feeling generous I’ll throw in a couple months' free online membership to this here Sportatorium.

Good luck.

1. After an announcement made just moments ago, this building will not host a future women's Final Four. Somehow, it was beaten out by bids from arenas in New Orleans, Denver, Tampa, Nashville and Indy.

2. 5-4 NFL team willing to welcome back Pacman Jones.

3. Off to a miserable 5-8-3 start, good for last place in their division.

4. Guest co-hosting Saturday's Dan O’Malley Show on Live 105.3 FM at 4 p.m. Unleash the crickets.

5. Worst. Mascot. Ever.

6. Said after last night’s loss, “We won’t be a very good team until we play together as a team. We don’t trust each other to get their jobs done. We are too individual right now.”

7. Said after last night’s loss, "I’m surprised by our lack of fight. I don’t know how else to put it. We just need to have a much stronger will.”

8. With their second-place division finish, our most successful team of 2008

9. 9-0 NFL team never willing to take back Pacman Jones.

10. Off to a miserable 2-6 start, good for last place in their division.

11. Said after last night’s loss, “It’s hard to say we’re fighting. When we can’t score, we just throw our hands up. That’s the big problem, we don’t play any defense.”

12. Said after last night’s loss, “Tonight it was unacceptable. I’m speechless. It’s the same thing – mental lapses that lead to turnovers.”

13. Missed two days of work on his radio show this week due to a “1 in 1,000” infection after Lasik surgery, saying, “It was like I was looking through crinkled wax paper. And the pain. Man, you know I can’t take anything stronger than Tylenol, so I was in bad shape.”

14. Hot chick who should -- at all cost -- by kept away from FedEx Field on Sunday.

15. Depending on an announcement forthcoming next week, building possibly hosting a future men’s Final Four.

Jump for your matches:

If you’re not too hungover tomorrow morning, ESPN’s Texas-OU GameDay crew will set up shop outside the Cotton Bowl at 9 a.m. I think it'd be funny to see someone hold up a Pacman Jones cutout in the background, but that's just me. Look for Lee Corso to piss off Texas fans by adorning an OU hat around 10:45 …

Thought it was very classy and courageous of Pacman to stand up and face the music Thursday at Valley Ranch. And good on the Cowboys for not allowing their troubled player to skip out on his mistakes. Right. ...

The Mavericks are 2-0 in the preseason. Which, obviously, leads Mark Cuban into talking about sex-change switcheroos. …

Too many gaffes to count in the Pacman debacle, seriously. My favorite is the police report, noting that the incident occurred at the “Jewel” Hotel. God forbid that officer is ever called to an emergency in Boerne. …

So I’m at the Rangers' game yesterday afternoon and there’s a smattering of fans. The die-hards, let’s call them. One, in particular, caught my eye.

He was sitting down the first-base line, front row in shallow right field. With a glove on his hand and a red Rangers hat on his head, this guy was into it. I mean really into it.

Turning to the crowd and raising his arms for noise during a rally, mimicking an umpire punching out an A’s batter after a strikeout and literally running up and down the aisles and stands after every single Rangers’ run. All 14 of them.

I watched this guy through the binoculars just to make sure it wasn’t some David Blaine illusion. Initially, briefly, I was buoyed by his unbridled enthusiasm toward a singular sports outcome. But ultimately, quickly, I felt sad for him, as a sucker genuinely rooting for a team owned by Tom Hicks, pitched by an eternal collection of duds and destined to be happy with second place.

Then I pondered -- hey, it's a long drive to McKinney -- whom do I feel sorriest for: Hummer owners getting their vehicles keyed by lunatic old men, Josh Howard absorbing racial slurs for exercising his right to freedom of speech, or Rangers fans huffing and puffing on the treadmill to nowhere?

Help me out. Where do you direct your thimble of sympathy?

Don’t much like our chances in either of this weekend’s international sporting cups – Davis or Ryder.

Come to think of it, this dude has a better chance of being named Time's Man of the Year.

In tennis we'll be playing against the world's No. 1 player; In golf we'll be playing without the world's No. 1 player.

But there's gluttony of Dallas angles and the Cowboys don't play until Sunday night so, oh awwright, we'll watch anyway.

… I’m going to Eagles-Cowboys Monday night. Anyone interested in reading some live blogging from the game? Would look and feel something like this, but posted in real time. Seems like multiple multi-tasking to both watch the game and monkey with a computer at the same time, but if you’re intrigued I’m offering. …

... They say imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. Well, consider me flattered. Something tells me that Dallas' Only Daily's new TV/Radio blog is a reaction to them being on the outside looking in on items like this and this and this and this. Barry Horn's a nice guy. We've always been friendly. If you want regurgitation from national media conference calls and giant-scope TV ratings, he's your man. But if you're looking for finger-on-the-pulse local sports media scene stuff, well, his next quote from Greg Williams, for example, will be his first. Just sayin' ...

… I say Tony Romo is evolving into a great player. Randy Galloway says he’s remaining a good person. …

… Looks like our hurricane will blow ashore near Galveston. Weird, I thought Ike would only hit Tina. In related news, obviously no one gave a damn about my brilliant plan or we wouldn't be in this mess. …

Okay, let’s see what I missed here on the homefront while vacationing in Canada and “working” in California. Hmm …

*Rough week for our beloved Mark Cuban. First, Ron Artest gets traded to the Rockets, dropping his Mavericks to fourth-best in their own damn division. Then he lost a cool $6 million to arch nemesis Don Nelson. And perhaps worst of all, on Thursday he turned the big five-oh.

*You sure this is Aug. 1 and not April 1? How else can you explain Quincy Carter getting a tryout with the Miami Dolphins? The same Dolphins, mind you, who are under the dictatorship of Bill Parcells, who oversaw Quincy’s pot-related release back in 2004. We are talking about the same Quincy Carter, right?

*If you were surprised R.A. Dickey was still chunking knucklers in the majors, you haven’t been paying attention. But if you’re surprised he’s doing it effectively, you're like the Rangers.

Hard to fathom with our temps again flirting with triple digits, but over at the British Open at Royal Birkdale in Lancanshire, England it looks like December.

It’s in the ‘50s with rain, 40 mph wind, guys hitting 9-iron from 205 yards and, worst of all, no sign of the injured Tiger Woods. To make matters more surreal, 53-year-old Greg Norman is near the top of the leaderboard.

Which, somehow, brings us to our local angle. Anthony Kim, who lives in Dallas, led briefly and just down the road 14-year-old Jesuit sophomore Jordan Spieth took second in the British Junior Open yesterday. So there. -- Richie Whitt

With news today that he needs another knee surgery and time to heal a broken leg, Tiger Woods’ U.S. Open victory just became even more miraculous. In conjunction, Dallas golf guru Hank Haney just got jiggy with the "clear" button on his Palm Pilot. And our summer just became a little more bummer.

(Also, in case you've been invloved in this debate lately, it chalks another one up for the humans over horses. Big Brown cracks a hoof and finishes last; Tiger suffers torn ligaments and a stress fracture and still wins. So there.)

With the British Open and PGA Championship now reduced to consolation prizes, the TV forecast the next two months reads as follows: Clear, hot and dry, with a high of Wimbledon in two weeks, the baseball All-Star Game in a month and scattered Rangers games possible. Accumulations of two or more not likely.

Since Father’s Day is all about eating and sleeping and not mowing the lawn and eating some more – oh yeah, and watching golf – doesn’t it officially spill over into today?

Thought so.

No one in sports delivers more dramatic success than Dallas golf guru Hank Haney’s pet project, and this morning, thanks to a heart-pounding birdie putt on the U.S. Open’s 72nd hole last night, we get 18 more holes and four more hours of Tiger Woods. Balky knee and all, any doubt Tiger is going to bury Rocco Mediate before Torrey Pines' marine layer burns off?

Update: Barely.

Dallas golf guru Hank Haney called the U.S. Open set-up at Torrey Pines in San Diego “the easiest I’ve seen in 30 years.” So far, his star pupil with the surgically repaired knee doesn’t agree.

Update: Tiger just birdied 8 and 9 to totally shoot the wheels off this item.

Still, are there better jobs on this planet than the swing coach of the best golfer ever? Perhaps, only, this chick’s director of cleavage? -- Richie Whitt

If you sense a light blogging day, you’re very perceptive.

1. Not a lot of stimulating sportsiness in the air.

2. I’m chin-deep penning a cover story about you-know-who.

So, in a very transparent attempt to be both dismissive and productive – I’ll write a column about this sooner or later -- let me reach out to you to help me construct a list of the greatest all-time memories of Reunion Arena. If you haven’t heard, the old joint is on Death Row.

Off the top of my noggin’:

Okay, enough grab-ass. On our way back to the grindstone, a little catching up:

*Tony and Jessica are apparently the happiest un-couple ever.

*Pacman Jones worked out at SMU yesterday and will wear No. 21 as a Cowboy. I guess No. $20,000 was taken.

*Former Stars’ architect Doug Armstrong is up for the GM gig in Toronto. Other than Brad Richards, Dallas is still his team.

*The Rangers are 8-0-1 in their last nine series. But to keep the streak alive they’ll have to win tonight and tomorrow against – huh? – the best team in baseball?

*I hope you’re sitting down. Hank Blalock isn’t healthy.

*Dallas Baptist University’s baseball team is the first independent to make the NCAA Tournament in 16 years. I’d like to get excited, but there’s something hollow about May Madness.

*And, of course, it’s never too early for college football bowl predictions. Is it? -- Richie Whitt