During last Thursday's NBA championship parade for the Mavericks, Fake Mayor Dwaine Caraway -- remember, he's only interim Mayor because Tom Leppert up and quit -- rode in a red convertible and waved to his unadoring crowd.

Yep, the guy who gave the key to the city to Michael Vick now wanted to smudge the coattails of a long-awaited champion.   

Wait, it gets worse.

Among the 200,000 fans in attendance, one carried a homemade sign that read "Dallas is the Shit!" Not particularly creative. Or good. Or ... offensive.

But Fake Mayor Caraway, determined to put his stamp on a shining day and make sure the real citizens of his artificial domain knew he was in control, wasn't about to stand for it. Nope, the guy who lied about an incident involving his wife and fabricated characters named Arthur and Archie was suddenly all about morals and standards and taste and decency.

Vomit.

What'd his Fake Excellency do?

 

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​Please don't take this as a complaint. More of an -- as I do from time to time, and always -- observation.

I love my job(s). Getting paid to attend sporting events is all I ever wanted to do since the day I realized I'd grow up to be too short and too unathletic to play for a living.

And if and when the Cowboys go to a Super Bowl I'll gleefully skip through every hoop and hurdle and security line. That being said, I was a little alarmed by the security surrounding the NBA Finals.

I know Osama Bin Laden is dead and gone, but it just feels to me like things have relaxed from irrationally high alert to a leisurely, careless walk in the park.

At American Airlines Arena in Miami they had bomb-sniffing dogs to check bags, but not once did security personnel check to make sure the ugly mug on my credential matched the uglier one atop my actual neck. And, truth be told, on my way in to Game 6 no one looked inside my bag at all.

At American Airlines Center the media was subjected to human bag searches and metal-detecting wand scans, but again, not a look to see if credentials matched carrier.

But that's only the tip of the trouble.

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​It's not exactly the same as NFL owners shutting down its $9 billion business, but unless outraged parents in Wylie are successful in lobbying city officials to find their children a suitable venue and ample playing fields there may be no 20011 youth football in this Collin County town next fall.

Should be a charged atmosphere tonight at Wylie City Hall (300 Country Club Road) when the city council meets at 6 p.m. When mayor Eric Hogue asks for citizen input, he'll likely have a line out the door ready to speak about the frustration of local football parents.

Why?

Because the Wylie Parks and Recreation Department is scheduled to in June begin a $1.4 million refurbishing of Community Park, long the home of Wylie Youth Football. As the construction is scheduled to run into the fall, the venue is likely to be unavailable. The WFL has petitioned the city council and Wylie's Parks and Recreation Dept. to temporarily relocate to Founders Park.

Problem: The park for years has been designated for soccer only.

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​Wasn't exactly Cortland Finnegan vs. Andre Johnson, but The Prez got into a scuffle last Friday. On the basketball court. With an elbow.

Barack Obama received 12 stitches to a cut on his lower lip after an errant elbow during a pick-up game by Rey Decerega, the Director of Programs for the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute. Apparently Obama, who loves his hoops, was playing chest-to-chest defense when Decerga cleared some space with the rip-through move.

Oops.

In an office that sorta recently has seen Jimmy Carter faint while jogging, Bill Clinton tear up a knee falling down some steps at golfer Greg Norman's house and Dubya Bush choke on a pretzel, Obama seems a relative Jim Thorpe. His personal assistant Reggie Love, for crying out loud, played college ball at Duke.

Obama is a White Sox fan who threw out the first pitch in Chicago before Game 2 of the '05 ALCS. He led Occidental College's basketball team in scoring. He once played with North Carolina All-American Tyler Hansbrough and ESPN's Stuart Scott and can, for some reason, ID former Celtics' towel-waver M.L. Carr. He can make 3-pointers. He's been on HBO's Real Sports. Dude even has his own signature sneaker.

Though it's difficult to trust a man who bowls a 37, Obama is one of the most athletic presidents in U.S. history.

Well, isn't he?

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Too soon?

​Sunday was the 46th anniversary of President John F. Kennedy's assassination in Dallas.

A couple questions ...

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​Regardless of how far to the right - or left - you lean, do yourself a favor this morning before you drop off the kids at school - or make them stay home. Read President Obama's speech to students scheduled for this morning. Every word of it.

I did.

If you find any governement rhetoric or Socialism agenda or sinister indoctrination plots, point them out to me. Because I honestly can't.

I'm not saying Obama isn't without faults and hasn't made mistakes since January. What I am saying is - in this case - he's a respectful, authoritative figure trying to tell your children to stay in school, study hard, wash your hands and, yes, be like Michael Jordan.

If you're keeping your kids home to avoid this speech, I'm fascinated to know why. Do tell.

The full text is right this way ...

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I admit, I'm jaded. Cynical, more often than not. Some refer to it as grumpy.

Been to my share of Super Bowls and Olympics and U.S. Opens and it takes something pret-ty special to get me authentically lathered up.

But while watching yesterday's Presidental Inauguration, I got a chill down my spine and a tear in my eye.

As President Barack Obama confidently strode down Pennsylvania Avenue, I watched the people lining the streets and craning their necks for a glimpse of history. They were packed. They were enthusiastic. They were young.

They were saturated with hope; hope that somehow it's going to get better from here on out.

In 2009 I've already cleaned out my colon and my closet. How 'bout some political treasures?

From the latter, of course.

Per standard contest rules, the most clever/correct stab at identifying the pics in detail wins two weeks' free subscription to the Dallas Observer and this here Sportatorium:

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If you know me, you know the only the reason I'm happy to have George Dubya Bush back in Dallas is because it means he's no longer in Washington, D.C.

As I've said all along, he's a good guy. Just a really bad President.

But that's ancient history, right? Today we shake the Etch-o-Sketch for a clean slate. Today is Inauguration Day 2009!

New hope. New change. New punching bags.

"Didja hear about the latest sex fetish trend at The White House? Bush is out; Boobs are in." And you thought I couldn't be bipartisan?

Let the record show that on Jan. 20, 2009, the day we officially christened "President Barack Obama":

*Tony Romo is the quarterback of a monumentally underwhelming Cowboys' outfit.

*Jason Kidd is taking a second turn at getting the Mavericks over the hump.

*Mike Modano is an NHL All-Star for the Stars.

*Josh Hamilton is the best Ranger on a team desperate for pitching and defense.

Hmm, wonder what was going on during other Presidential inaugurations ...

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I’m thinking about inviting over Michael Buffer and Dr. Ferdie Pacheco to help me score tonight’s Presidential Debate blow-by-blow fight style. But, from where I sit, not even erroneous scoring from the “Let’s Get Ready to Ruuuuummbllllllllllle!” guy and boxing’s most famous corner man can boost John McCain over Barack Obama.

I’m open to a late rally, but my scorecard has Obama with the lead entering the 9th round.

Why?

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