MLS Soccer

FC Dallas scored in the 27th second against the Panamanianites.

​Editor's note: Observer.com contributor Justin Bitner got drunk and admitted to being a soccer fan, so we made him attend Wednesday's FC Dallas match against Tauro FC of Panama, FCD's fifth game of CONCACAF Champions League play.

Yes, soccer still has ties. After a battle that sportscasters would definitely call "chippy," FC Dallas hung on to a 1-1 tie after scoring its lone goal in the 27th second -- second! -- of the game. Too bad, too, because they had more chances to score than a moderately famous athlete in a room full of drunk Kardashians. ZING.

Cruz finally settling in. Recently acquired midfielder Daniel Cruz seems to have found his pace, Wednesday's night's game is any indication. After spending his first handful of matches perfecting the art of dribbling into a tackler, Cruz put his well-coiffed stamp on this match with precise passing and quality shots. His whirling roundhouse goal in the 27th second made a ninja faint in a nearby tree,

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​Just looked up on TV to see the CBS trumpets proudly announcing that tonight on David Letterman the guests will be ... Abby Wambach and Hope Solo.

Wow, this is going to be tense. Because surely Letterman will ask the obvious question, right:

"How did you girls choke away a World Cup?"

Of course he won't.

At the risk of stoking the hatred hormones of some of you telling it like it is, this is why a lot of us don't take women's sports seriously. As I've stated, I thoroughly enjoyed the women's World Cup. I was bummed that the U.S. lost to Japan on Sunday.

But that's just it. The Americans lost. When, for a number of reasons, they should've won.

Yet, with fans at the airport and with invitations to late-night talk shows, it sure feels like the U.S. won.

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​Woke up rooting for America Sunday morning. Phil Mickelson made a charge, Dustin Johnson was in the hunt and it looked like a U.S. golfer would steal the Claret Jug at the British Open.

I was rooting for America after lunch, too. Abby Wambach scored late and it looked like the U.S. would seal the Women's World Cup after a dramatic two weeks in Germany.

Alas, woe-for-2.

Mickelson three-putted on No. 11, Johnson hit a shot out-of-bounds on 14 and the Americans faded at Royal St. George's in Sandwich, England. Couples hours later in Frankfurt, the U.S. gave up goals in the 81st minute of regulation and 117th minute in the second overtime, then botched a couple of penalty kicks in a stunning come-from-ahead loss in the championship game.

Bummer.

But considering the beneficiaries of the meltdowns, it wasn't that bad after all. Because in Darren Clarke and Japan, we got two winners anyone can embrace with a little joy.

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​You know what I think of women's sports. Why watch them when you can see men run faster, jump higher or hit the ball longer?

And you know what I think of soccer. A potentially entertaining game is ruined by archaic offsides rules, ridiculous fake injuries and the worst officiating of any sport on the planet.

Combine those two on Sunday and we got ... magic.

It was 12 years ago to the day that Brandi Chastain scored on a penalty kick to beat China in the Rose Bowl and give the U.S. the Women's '99 World Cup. Since then, though, little progress has been made in the push to make women's soccer a mainstream sport. A major professional league came and went and for the most part, if you're not an 8-year-old girl with a pink jersey on a team called the Hot Shots, you don't give a damn. (As big as youth soccer is in North Texas, I'm shocked none on the U.S.' 36-member player pool is from around here.)

I scoffed in Las Vegas at the sportsbooks actually taking bets on the 2011 Women's World Cup.

But yesterday morning I gave the U.S.-Brazil quarterfinal try. And, boy, was I rewarded.

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​It's not exactly the same as NFL owners shutting down its $9 billion business, but unless outraged parents in Wylie are successful in lobbying city officials to find their children a suitable venue and ample playing fields there may be no 20011 youth football in this Collin County town next fall.

Should be a charged atmosphere tonight at Wylie City Hall (300 Country Club Road) when the city council meets at 6 p.m. When mayor Eric Hogue asks for citizen input, he'll likely have a line out the door ready to speak about the frustration of local football parents.

Why?

Because the Wylie Parks and Recreation Department is scheduled to in June begin a $1.4 million refurbishing of Community Park, long the home of Wylie Youth Football. As the construction is scheduled to run into the fall, the venue is likely to be unavailable. The WFL has petitioned the city council and Wylie's Parks and Recreation Dept. to temporarily relocate to Founders Park.

Problem: The park for years has been designated for soccer only.

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​The Dallas Cup will live on each Easter weekend as one of the world's most prestigious youth tournaments. FC Dallas will anonymously toil away in Major League Soccer. And Starbucks-slurping soccer moms in their minivans will still dominate our roads and bogart our athletic field parking lots every weekend.

But with the U.S. now knocked out of the World Cup, will the sport of soccer be any better off?

Seems like every four years our patriotism bubbles to the surface for a couple weeks and we're bashed over the head with "the world's most popular sport." Then the U.S. loses, we wash the paint from our face and everyone in Texas goes back to counting the days until Dallas Cowboys training camp.

This year feels no different. Does it?

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​Spent Father's Day between the grill and the couch. OK, mostly the couch.

Instead of another tacky tie for a gift, I let dear ol' dad man the remote control. Went something like this:

U.S. Open ... Rangers ... U.S. Open ... World Cup ... Rangers ... U.S. Open ... zzzzzzz.

Got me to thinking about the most boring sports on TV. Which, not surprisingly, led me to construct a Top 10 list.

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​One has a lone white star on a blue background, flanked by large swaths of white and red. It represents a state whose football conference was saved yesterday.

One has a lone white star on a blue background, flanked by large swaths of white and red. It represents a country whose soccer team played Honduras this morning in the World Cup.

Think you know your flags, Mr. State Pride?

Think fast.

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​10. When the doors opened at 6 a.m. Saturday at Trinity Hall in Mockingbird Station, there were already 20 people lined up for a day of World Cup watching. We can rip soccer (and we will), but it's hard to criticize its fans' passion.

9. In a sport where you can't use your hands, it'd be better if, well, you didn't use your hands. Throw-ins make absolutely no sense (why not kick-ins?) and soccer might be watchable if goalies could only make saves with their feet, head, face, etc.

8. Best American bar chant of the day: One side of the room chanted "17," the other finished it off with "76."

7. I was shocked that the crowd was 90 percent pro-U.S.A. Not particularly sophisticated about the nuances of soccer, but fervent nonetheless. Impressive.

6. Swear this happened: When I arrived around 10:30 a.m. there was a 2-year-old-ish girl laid out asleep on a long booth seat. During the day excited fans would stumble around or become boisterous in the near vicinity of the girl. Mom, multiple times: "If you wake her up we're gonna have trouble." When I left five hours later the girl (now in a stroller and blocking a walkway between tables) and said mother were still there. Weirdest part: From what I could tell the mom was 5 percent into the game and 95 percent into texting.

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​Yeah, it's the world's biggest sporting event. But we're not in the world, we're in Texas.

Dallas, more precisely, where football is king, spring football is queen, basketball is a part-time curiousity, hockey is a memory, baseball is foreplay to more football and soccer is ...

Stupid? A game played by children but discarded by teens? Unevolved to the point players can't use their hands?

However you view it, soccer isn't a mainstream sport in these parts. Or is it?

The 2010 World Cup kicks off Friday morning in South Africa and Saturday afternoon the U.S. plays England in its first game. The New York Times yesterday called it "The most anticipated American sports event in many years, perhaps decades, is about to take place."

Two words: Stephen Strasberg.

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