Danielle Adams: Charlotte Barkley?

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Texas A&M beat Notre Dame for the National Championship last night.

Love coach Gary Blair, who cut his coaching teeth at South Oak Cliff High School. But, let's be honest, their star player -- Danielle Adams -- is a tad un-svelte. I doubt she can jump over Charlie Sheen's flattened reputation.

Charlotte Barkley. How's that?  

Adams may have bullied her way to 30 points against the Irish, but she wouldn't even get a shot off against the random 40-somethings playing during lunch down at Lifetime Fitness.

In a semi-related story, Martellus Bennett is an Aggie who should shut his mouth.

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9. I for one am happy. Butler's will-over-skill routine might have been efficient, but it isn't a tad entertaining. And, yes, I'm still bitter that they "beat" Pittsburgh in the second round when the Panthers missed a potential game-winning free throw with 1.1 remaining.

8. Give credit to CBS' panel of analysts, none of whom was afraid to pan a horribly played game. Greg Anderson: "Let's be honest, that's the worst college championship game I've ever seen." Seth Davis: "It's a bad showcase for college basketball. Charles Barkley: "Awful." And Clark Kellogg: "Unparalleled ineptitude."

7. Butler missed 19 of its first 20 two-point shots. And led by one. Swear. After hearing his partner Steve Kerr compare the woeful offense to watching paint dry, CBS' Jim Nantz zinged, "That's unfair to paint."

6. UConn's Kemba Walker is a nice player. His lack of size and limited shooting range is a perfect fit for the NBA Developmental League.

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CBS cherishes a Cinderella and Americans love the underdog, but consider me underwhelmed by this year's NCAA Final Four. Kentucky? Sure. Connecticut? I can see that. Butler? Again? Virginia Commonwealth? What the what?!

Maybe you think parity is good for sports and for college basketball, but I miss the days when there were defined, definite best teams, not just a good team who happens to win a tournament. You could replay this tournament in April and get a totally different Final Four. For me and guys named Barack Obama (who picked all four No. 1 seeds through to Reliant Stadium) it's temporarily entertaining yet wholly disturbing.

Butler and VCU are not -- I repeat, are not -- among the four best teams in college basketball.

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The Sour 16 carnage: I've lost three of my Final Four teams including my projected champion Pittsburgh.

In other words, I can't wait for Opening Day.

Doesn't make me feel much better, but apparently I have company. After yesterday's wacky results that saw Notre Dame, Syracuse and Purdue each upset, we awoke this morning to a Sweet 16 that no one saw coming.

No, seriously, I mean no one.

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That's right, you heard me.

Dallas urologist Dr. Mitch Moskowitz is offering his version of March Madness, in the form of a vasectomy complete with doctor's orders to stay home, lay on the couch and watch basketball. With, of course, a bag of frozen peas on your crotch.

As part of his "Sport Snip" special, Dr. Mitch will throw in a gift card for pizza, wings, sports snacks, beverages and even a bracket. If you need pointers - on the games that is - feel free to use my cheat sheet.

And, for those of you cringing, there is no scalpel involved. Just a 15-minute out-patient procedure.

Short shorts. Skinny players. No 3-point line. Jay Bilas at Duke instead of ESPN.

A lot was different in college basketball the last - and only - time the Final Four descended upon Dallas. (College basketball's March Madness will climax in Cowboys Stadium in 2014). In 1986 the stage was an old relic we once called Reunion Arena and the star was a Louisville freshman named Pervis Ellison.

When the Final Four visits Houston next month only one thing will likely be recognizable from 25 years ago:

Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski.

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This year - this week - March has increased, unprecedented Madness.

Ohio State, Duke, Pittsburgh and Kansas are the No. 1 seeds as the NCAA men's basketball tournament tips off this week. That tournament features 68 teams (11 from the Big East and five from the Big 12 including Texas as No. 4 in the West), will be televised on four networks (CBS, TNT, TBS and, what the what?!, TruTV) and features not only a Final Four April 2 in Houston but also a First Four, with games played Tuesday and Wednesday before Thursday's wall-to-wall hoops.

But wait, order now and there's more!

Rick Barnes: Deja boo all over?

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Been getting into college basketball the last few weeks. Some quick thoughts:

Kansas is the best team I've seen. BYU is more than just Jimmer Fredette. The Big East is the best conference. And, uh oh, Texas is hinting at another bad fall at just the wrong time.

The Longhorns wowed fans and voters by beating Kansas by 11 in Lawrence back on January 22. The Longhorns, led by freshman Tristan Thompson and a suffocating defense, jumped to an 11-0 start in the Big 12 and were poised to become the No. 1 ranked team in the country.

On February 19 they led Nebraska by nine points in what looked like a cruise-control victory. Since then it's been ugly.

ESPN's College GameDay hoops crew will be in Waco Saturday. I'm sure they'll make some of these comparisons.

Show of hands: Whose bracket has Butler in the final game? Certainly not mine.

Let's end this thing on a high. After taking in Rangers-Jays in Arlington, I'll mosey over to Hooters in the West End to host the final Dallas Observer March Madness Watch Party.

My March Madness bracket is far from perfect, but I'm still leading the contest at 105.3 The Fan and it's still worth tuning in to see if Kentucky can win it all for me.

If you're still in the money or if you just want a chance at free stuff ...