Dallas Sports Blog

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Put them together and, sorry, I don't trust their b.s. Their b.s., as in their latest list of The 100 Most Powerful Athletes.

They've put out their list and, despite his sorta newsy fall from grace, Tiger Woods is still No. 1. Really? And Phil Micklelson No. 3?

In the top 20 there isn't a single soccer player. And ...

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Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.

10. Dead Man Coaching.

9. Dirk Nowitzki.

8. The Mentalist.

7. Roger Staubach.

6. Valley Ranch Collapse.

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Ah, Thanksgiving.

The elements are similar, but tomorrow will be the first Thanksgiving Day game in Cowboys Stadium. Should be an easy win over the lowly Oakland Raiders, who make for the perfect Homecoming opponent.

The Cowboys are 26-14-1 all-time on Turkey Day. Some of them - for better or for worse - you might remember ...

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These two boys - I dunno, maybe 13 or 14ish - were talking underneath the bleachers. At least I think it was talking. To my ancient ears it might as well have been that click-cluck-clicking-chirping from those alien prawns in District 9.

Boy 1: "'Sup mayne."

Boy 2: "Kickin' the bobo. You straight?"

Boy 1: "California."

Boy 1: "Bruh, you think she's dime?"

Boy 2: "Hells yeah!"

Um, my best-guess translation:

Boy 1: "Hi."

Boy 2: "Hello, how are you?"

Boy 1: "Fine."

Boy 1: "Look at that girl, you think she's pretty?"

Boy 2: "Yes!"

This got me to thinking. About my own demise and the accelerated plunge off the cliff of what was supposed to be the next generation. My conclusion? Damn, I don't understand kids today. Not just their communication. Their culture. Their, ya know, existence.

Cue the banjo, pour some rock salt on the homemade ice-cream maker and put a quarter in the Coke machine, I'm about to act as old as I am confused.

For your approval.

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He was on my case for not including Tammy Dombeck (middle) in my August offering. Now, he's strongly suggesting I - and, of course, that means we - consider new NBC5 reporter Kim Fischer.

Candace Crawford, whom may or may not be dating a certain Dallas Cowboys' quarterback, is sure to remain No. 1 when the newest rankings are released sooner or later. But check out Fischer and you tell me: Yay or Nay?

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Following in the "Foxtrot" footsteps of Emmitt Smith, Cowboys' Hall of Famer Michael Irvin will be on this season's show. I hear that Troy Aikman declined an invitation last year and Tuesday morning on 105.3 The Fan owner Jerry Jones said during his new weekly show that - despite his nifty moves in those Papa Johns's commercials - he doesn't consider himself a candidate.

"I had the step at one time," Jones said, "but these days it's a little off."

For me to get into DWTS, I want star power. I want sports. I want drama. I want conflict. I want skin. I want couples. I want ...

Iola. The original.

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In particular, one Candice Crawford.

Yowsa.

I hear the new(ish) Channel 33 reporter/former Miss Missouri will be involved in some way on Cowboys-related TV programming. Possibly even anchoring something as vital and prominent as Special Edition with Jerry Jones.

Bad news: That would mean a diminished TV role for Dallas icon Brad Sham.

Good news: It would take the sting out of the recent rip-our-hearts-out departures of Erin Hawksworth and Megan Henderson.

Time to shuffle the deck and tweak what we all must admit are the most important rankings in town ...

Different vibe in Austin, sayeth this T-shirt for sale on South Congress.

Born in Oak Cliff. Raised in Duncanville. Citizen of Dallas.​

But every time I go to Austin - like this past weekend when I skeedaddled from Cowboys' Camp in San Antonio for a quick getaway - I feel like I belong there. Know what I mean?

10. The whole city is one big Deep Ellum.

9. Two words: Cable. Access. The people willing to pay for their 15 minutes are incredibly entertaining, if not so much talented. On Saturday morning I was momentarily mesmerized by two pasty dudes sitting really close together on a love seat wearing headphones, holding microphones and talking ... atheism. I didn't care if they were agnostic or the sons of Robert Tilton, they were just so bad they were, well, good.

8. St. Edward's University. While the Cowboys bounce around from San Antonio to Wichita Falls to Oxnard, Calif., I'll always have a special, seared place in my heart for those 103-degree camps spent covering Jimmy Johnson's two-a-days on Woodward Street. Drove by the place yesterday and - gasp! - the fields that spawned three Super Bowl champions have been turned into a parking garage.

7. I know the women are classically prettier and plastically(?) hotter in Dallas, but there's something very grrrrrr about Austin chicks. Most have tattoos. Some wear hats. Or Army boots. And none of them give a damn what you or any of the fashion snobs at NorthPark think. Character + Confidence = Sexy.

6. Barton Springs. The water is always 68 degrees and sparkling clear. The women are sometimes topless. Your move, White Rock Lake. And don't get me started on Town Lake vs. the Trinity River Project.

Our country turns the ripe old age of 233 tomorrow. Between burgers and beers and bikinis, let us not forget how fortunate we are to have a variety of sports and the freedom to choose which ones we love and/or loathe.

In honor of the Fourth of July I started jotting down reasons to love American sports, and I'll be damned if all the sudden I hadn't come up with one for every single year of this country's existence.

Add to the list if you want. Or just pick and choose. Whatever.

It is, after all, a free country.

Patrick Michels

An old Michael Jackson poster at last week's candlelight vigil in Duncanville.

I grew up with Michael Jackson. Had his Off the Wall album cover tacked - that's right, tacked - to my bedroom wall. As a senior member of the 1982 Duncanville Panthers' basketball team - district 9-5A champs, look it up - I picked "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" as our pre-game layup line music.

I'll always remember where I was - Mavericks' draft, Old No. 7 Club - when I heard the news that the King of Pop/Weird had died.

Got me to thinking about other notable deaths in my lifetime, particularly sports passings. What do you know? I happen to have 10 of 'em.

In case today's triple-digit heat hadn't reminded you yet, summer officially began this week. Y-a-w-n.

No football. No basketball. No hockey. No frost bite.

No worries.

With plenty of time to kill, thought I spend today pondering my favorite heat-beatin' time-killers. Otherwise known as The Top 10 Best Things About Summer:

Even if you don't like tennis, I'm suggesting you'll enjoy The French Open.

Hot and dirty young women sweating and grunting and playing with fuzzy balls. What's not to like lust?

Even though Anna Kournikova has bagged her beautiful raquets, there's plenty to look at in the women's game on the clay at Roland Garros. Come for the vixens. Stay for the volleys.

8. Serena Williams

To which I replied, "Huh?"

I remember a time when the Indianapolis 500 was must-see TV along with the Harlem Globetrotters, heavyweight boxing matches, Oklahoma-Nebraska football and NBA All-Star Saturday. Alas, those events long ago passed their prime. At this point they should be on the endangered species list, because they've gone the way of stewardesses, stationary and smoking.

Yesterday: relevant. Tomorrow: extinct.

Maybe it's just because I don't think drivers are athletes, but I no longer - despite Danica Patrick - make time for the Indy 500, much less the Coca-Cola 600. I know baseball has interleague play and NBA offers a marquee playoff game, but in the big picture I don't consider Memorial Day sports to be that, um, memorable.

You?

Would the Bird Man make a good Wing Man?

So you're having a beer at your favorite watering hole. Next thing you know, zombies.

Through the door. Crashing in the windows. Falling from the ceiling. Purgatory-confined, blood-thirsty zombies. Everywhere.

This hasn't happened to me in a while, but when it does I want an athlete to be my bodyguard. A big, scary, tattooed, pierced, fearless dude that has a chance to fight off the zombies and keep me from, ya know, being a dead man's dinner.

But who?

Couple of the Denver Thuggets have "the look", but I wonder if The Bird Man would make a good Wing Man? Nawwww, too skinny.

When the zombies attack, the guy I want at my side is ... 

Numero Uno.

I was going to - per my usual list - rank the Top 10 but that's extremely difficult considering the lack of decent Mexican athletes since it's May 5th I fittingly went with just the five.

My five greatest Mexican athletes in the history of Dallas:

5. Eduardo Najera - Mavs have never replaced his energy and tenacity.

4. Tony Romo - Antonio Ramiro Romo, a third-generation Mexican-American on his father's side, still waiting for post-season success.

3. Esteban Loaiza - Won 17 games with Rangers from '98-'00 and started a '99 playoff game vs. Yankees.

3-0 with; 0-3 without. Is it that difficult to decipher?

Hmm. Are the Texas Rangers superstitious about superstitions?

Seems to me that rituals, traditions and even obsessive compulsive disorder could reinforce routines and therefore increase performance. But aren't superstitions just a scaredy cat way of avoiding bad luck?

I'm not a superstitious guy. But I guess if I wrote three consecutive award-winning columns in my undies while eating cereal, you can damn well bet on the fourth day I'll have those boxers clean and the Raisin Bran prepped.

But your Rangers: Arrogant? Naive? Stubborn? Stupid?

Not sure which one fits most snug, but there's a reason they got swept in Detroit after sweeping Cleveland and it's not rocket science, it's primary colors. Texas won division championships wearing red in the late '90s. Brought the color back this year on a limited basis, but started 3-0 in it. So off to Detroit and - what? - blue on all three days leads to three losses and this red realization:

Superstitions in sports matter. Right?

With the Rangers over and the Mavs resting and the Stars playing a meaningless hockey game - ugh, is there an uglier phrase in the English language? - I flipped around DirecTV for a moment last night before wondering aloud:

If I had my choice, who would I watch right now?

Then I answered myself. With a list.

10. Dave Chappelle - Yeah I know he walked and his show is kaput, but every once in a while you'll stumble upon a rerun and it's a week-sweetner. Don't you dare die before seeing his Race Draft. Priceless.

9. Murray Hewitt - Flight of the Conchords manager conducts the worst/best beend meeting in the history of "music."

8. Peter Gammons - I'm not a seam-head, but whenever ESPN's analyst speaks about baseball I stop and listen. He lives for that shit. man, I wished I loved anything half as much as Gammons loves baseball. Plus, I'm fascinated how much he looks like Andrew Jackson, the face of our $20 bill.

7. Mary Carillo - I find her passion and knowledge and ability to communicate tennis to be very arousing. No kidding.

6. Dale Hansen - Whether he's unplugged or applying the Q&A taser to Jerry Jones, Channel 8's icon sports anchor is the closest thing we have to must-see local TV.

Holding up my arm during this photo? 'Bout as athletic as Dale Earnhardt's driving.

In this week's column in the dead tree version of Sportatorium I maintain that NASCAR drivers aren't athletes. Conversely, Texas Motor Speedway grand poobah Eddie Gossage counterpoints that not only are drivers supremely athletic, but more fit than even soccer players.

Got me to thinking: Which sport truly has the world's best athletes? We could peruse this Superstars list or, better yet, come up with our own criteria.

Football requires strength and speed, but minimizes endurance. Basketball requires agility and stamina, but minimizes strength. Hockey requires skating and fighting. And baseball? Basically just the ability to spit or, in some cases, inject.

Which sport's combined athletes would win a Superstars team competition?

Only one way to settle the debate: Let's rank every known sport on an athletic scale of 1-10 ...

Bad, but nowhere near the worst.

Dear LeBron James,

Just ask, and I'm sure Dancing With The Stars will have you on their ridiculously cheesy show next season. I'm sure millions of potato-chip snackin' housewives would be fixated on your every silly, pre-fabricated step.

But as a basketball fan, I demand you immediately cease and desist with your bullshit pre-game choreography. It's stupid. It's illogical. It's degrading. It's unbecoming of a player who has the talent - but not the temperament? - to win an NBA Championship.

Keep dunking. Stop dramatizing.

Sincerely,

Sports

Just a hunch, but I bet I could get the likes of Tim Duncan, Michael Jordan and Larry Bird to sign the letter as well.

I've been contemplating this list for a while. For the longest time I debated the merits of things like the Ickey Shuffle and Carl Edwards' backflip and Barry Bonds' batters-box 360 and every single athlete these days jumping and colliding into teammates in mid-air.

My conclusion: It's not entertaining. It's embarrassing.

Surely you've seen LeBron's LeRoutine?

Mission Accomplished Impossible.

In honor of February's Black History Month, I set out to pinpoint a pristine list of the world's all-time greatest black athletes. But using what criteria?

Sheer athleticism? Popularity? Accomplishment? Social activism? Transcendence? All of the above? Nothing of the sort?

The task, in and of itself, is as absurd as trying to convince Dallas County Commissioner John Wiley Price that, sure, 28 days is adequate celebration of your race.

I wound up taking into account everything, nothing and random bits in between. I wound up including one local athlete and - can't believe I'm typing this - excluding the likes of LeBron James, Usain Bolt, Jesse Owens, Oscar Robertson, Walter Payton, Daley Thompson, Carl Lewis, Michael Johnson, Jim Brown, Roberto Clemente, Deion Sanders, Jackie Joyner-Kersey, O.J. Simpson, Kip Keino, Rickey Henderson, Edwin Moses and Lawrence Taylor.

Jump for the best, most difficult list I've ever whittled ... 

Second in a very sporadic, yet nonetheless fascinating series by Dallas Observer staff writers Merritt Martin/Megan Feldman. Ladies, as always, mi casa es su casa ...

You've been waiting haven't you?

We knew you wanted it, but c'mon, we had to make you yearn. It was a tease, all in good fun ... and then Megan had to go out of town (Something about reporting? Something about an actual printed newspaper? I dunno). We didn't really mean to leave you with a case of blue balls blogs.

Anyway. First, we gave you the girls with their grace, style and beauty to boot, and we promised you some brawn as well. So here it is [insert dramatic music], the ladies' list of hot male athletes.

They're strong, they're talented, they're - for the most part - smart, and they're smokin' hot.

Agree?

It wasn't that I got to tour Channel 8's spiffy HD studios in Victory Park and take a spin in Dale Hansen's chair. (Psst, it really is unplugged!)

And it wasn't that I out-yelled The Ticket's Mark Elfenbein despite generally looking a fidgety, finicky mess.

The point is, I bumped into Shelly Slater and - whoa - time to update the ol' rankings.

In other words, watch out Megan Henderson:

Seems to be. It's not exactly a bass-ackward revolution, but left-handers are doing okay for themselves in sports these days.

Or are they?

The idea struck me last week when I saw highlights of college quarterbacks Josh Heupel and Matt Leinart winning BCS National Championship Games. They disappeared = Bad.

Then I watched this year's game and saw Florida's Tim Tebow will his Gators to a title. He's one of the best players in the history of college football = Good.

The rest of the planet's lefties are also in state of quirky so-so-ness.

Rafael Nadal is the world's No. 1 tennis player, but no lefty was among the NFL's 32 top-rated quarterbacks this season. Dallas product and Raptors' forward Chris Bosh is sixth in the NBA in scoring, but there isn't a lefty among any of college basketball's All-American probables. The highest-ranked women's tennis player is 14th (Patty Schynder) and only one of the NBA's top 50 scorers is lefty (Detroit's Tayshaun Prince is 51st).

In golf there are two lefties (Phil Mickelson and Mike Weir) among the top 21. In baseball the Indians' Cliff Lee won the Cy Young and Minnesota's Justin Morneau won the Home Run Derby and the AL MVP. In hockey, who knows? They're all left-handed. Or is it right-handed?

Locally, Josh Hamilton's bat makes the loudest lefty noise.

As for sports' most righteous left-handers ...

Since Observer staff writers Merritt Martin and Megan Feldman almost never get in a cat fight that spills over into the mud-wrestling pit, they instead want to entertain us visually-stimulated, testosterone-saturated dorks with their own list.

Couple of months ago I gave you my ranking of the hottest female athletes ever. Now the girls want to weigh in on their favorite girls.

Objections? Didn't think so.

Since they're both too shy (re: smart) to post their pics on here, I should think descriptions are in order. Simple, Merritt is a prettier version of her; Megan a younger, better her.

Got it?

Ladies, mi casa es su casa ...

OK, so you get Richie on here all the time. Hell, you even get a little Merten sometimes and, last week, even an apperance by Schutze. But the ladies of the DO felt it was time to rep-ruh-ZENT!

And, really, what better way to show that we do watch sports (and even partake in them occasionally) than to give you a list of athletes we think are hot? Our preferred guys are coming later, but for now we're ogling the girls.

Now, this isn't totally superficial. These females are tough, talented and fine. Fine as in, "We want beautiful physiques like them," as opposed to, "Damn, how does she jump with those tig ol' bitties?!"

Let's proceed, in no particular order:

Pass the Advil and crank up the wayback machine.

Let's kick off 2009 with one last, long, loving look back at the Cotton Bowl. Oh, the refurbished stadium will still be around, but its namesake game is moving to Arlington after tomorrow's Texas Tech-Ole Miss curtain closer and, other than Texas-OU, looks like nothing else of note will call its hallowed ground home.

From founder J. Curtis Sanford's idea in 1937 to Jim "Hoss" Brock's glad-handing to Michael Crabtree's final college game, the ol' joint will always gush with memories.

10. 2006: Alabama Smothers Leach, Tech.

9. 1983: Pony Express Survives Dan Marino.

8. 1991: Miami 'Canes Texas.

7. 1971: Revenge of the Irish.

6. 1966: LSU Stops Hogs' Streak.

In lieu of Dick Clark, let me start these balls dropping.

10. Byrd Watching.

9. A National (Anthem) Embarrassment.

8. Jivin' at the Joule.

7. Morrow's First/ Avery's Sloppy Seconds.

6. You Must Be Kiddin'.

In keeping with our "Best of ... " programming this week, I'll provide the most memorable Metroplex sports moments of 2008 on Wednesday. Until then, a look back at what you guys clicked on/commented on the most in the past year.

The Sportatorium's version of The People's Choice Awards, if you will.

10. People No Longer Like The Ticket.

9. Sean Avery Got Suspended for What?!

8. Where's Greggo? On ESPN Radio.

7. Don't Mess With Texas.

6. Live 105.3 Fires Russ Martin, Switches to Sports.

According to the Pro Bowl, Peyton Manning and Kurt Warner are the two best NFL quarterbacks of 2008.

According to me, nonsense.

Warner has the best receivers in the league and throws in the worst division in football. Manning was steady, but hardly spectacular.

My rankings, which take into account quarterback rating, team record, TD-to-Int differential and which way the wind's blowing, culminate today. And my winner - surprise - ain't even headed to Hawaii.

32. Dan Orlovsky - Lions

31. Ken Dorsey - Browns

30. Seneca Wallace - Seahawks

29. JaMarcus Russell - Raiders

28. Marc Bulger - Rams

27. Ryan Fitzpatrick -  Bengals

26. Tyler Thigpen - Chiefs

25. J.P. Losman - Bills

24. Tarvaris Jackson - Vikings

23. Shaun Hill - 49ers

22. David Garrard - Jaguars

21. Jason Campbell - Redskins

20. Kyle Orton - Bears

19. Aaron Rodgers - Packers

18. Joe Flacco - Ravens

17. Matt Cassel - Patriots

Armando Galaragga was the only thing of value Jon Daniels was able to get from the Alfonso Soriano trade. Then he gave him away for a player the Rangers released. Whoops.

As mentioned yesterday, Jon Daniels is entering his fourth year as general manager. He started off with a bang in year one, trading Alfonso Soriano in his first move and dealing Chris Young and Adrian Gonzalez less than two weeks later. Unfortunately, he received very little in return -- Adam Eaton, Akinori Otsuka, Brad Wilkerson and Armando Galaragga. Eaton and Wilkerson battled injuries and overall ineffectiveness before leaving as free agents, Otsuka was not offered a contract after the 2007 season and had elbow surgery earlier this year, and Galaragga was traded to Detroit for a prospect that was released shortly after the deal.

Daniels bounced back with a successful second year, making the Rangers' farm system one of the best in the bigs after a strong draft and trading Mark Teixeira, Eric Gagne and Kenny Lofton for top young talent like Neftali Feliz (9th-ranked prospect in baseball, according to MLB.com), Elvis Andrus (21st), Jarrod Saltalamacchia, Matt Harrison, Max Ramirez and Engel Beltre. Of course, that same year, he dealt away John Danks in perhaps his most illogical move to date.

Through it all, the organization has improved under his watch regarding talent, but that hasn't translated into more wins, as Texas won 80 games in 2006, 75 in 2007 and 79 this year. With another year in the books, it's time for the third annual installment of Jon Daniels' report card.

Tony Romo, all is forgiven.

At least for a week.

After one of the most Gawd-awful performances of his career - or, let's face it, any career - in Pittsburgh, the Cowboys' quarterback went out Sunday night and padded his legacy with a game straight from Hollywood.

Aching back and nagging teammates be damned, Romo willed Dallas to a crucial victory over the Giants by throwing two touchdowns, committing zero turnovers and withstanding four brutal sacks.

Two more games like that and he just might finish in the Top 5 after all. Another Steelers' stinker, however, and not only will he fall into double digits, but his team will miss the playoffs.

Pressure? What pressure?

32. Dan Orlovsky - Lions

31. Ken Dorsey - Browns

30. JaMarcus Russell - Raiders

29. Seneca Wallace - Seahawks

28. Marc Bulger - Rams

27. Ryan Fitzpatrick -  Bengals

26. Tyler Thigpen - Chiefs

25. J.P. Losman - Bills

24. David Garrard - Jaguars

23. Shaun Hill - 49ers

22. Tarvaris Jackson - Vikings

21. Jason Campbell - Redskins

20. Kyle Orton - Bears

19. Aaron Rodgers - Packers

18. Joe Flacco - Ravens

17. Matt Cassel - Patriots