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Now where I'd put my barrel?

Yeah, I know, feels like I just got back from vacation. But you know what they say in the corporate media world, "use ‘em or lose ‘em".

They do say that, right?

While I’m gone you might wanna check out our Dallas Observer Music Awards show next Tuesday night and Chandler Jackson Night with the Frisco RoughRiders July 26, and – betcha a nickel – the beginning of the end for your Texas Rangers.

The good news: My next blog item will come from Oxnard, California, and it will officially be football season. -- Richie Whitt

You can't call us losers anymore. At least to our faces.

A wise man – no, come to think of it, it was this a-hole – once said that “those who can’t play, write.”

At your friendly lil’ Dallas Observer, thank you very much, we can do both.

After years – centuries? – as so much prop humor, our co-ed softball team just finished its season 5-4, losing in the semifinals of the city’s media league post-season tournament to Telerep. From what I could dig up, it’s the Observer’s first winning season since Schutze filed his stories via Pony Express. Props to players like Drew Ramsauer, Cortnee Robinson, Molly Peterson, Brandon Phillips, Leslie Winchell and even our publisher, Adam Simon.

If you bump into these peeps this week buy them a celebratory ale. We are the Tampa Bay Rays no more.

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Dart boards rejoice.

Been meaning to get around to this and, with Wimbledon in a rain delay, seems like a good time. (Sports prologue: The Rangers stole another win in New York and the Mavs will sign Gerald Green. There.)

Couple of you have emailed asking for some personal background. Okay, it was more along the lines of "Who the eff do you think you are?" or "Tell me where you live!", but, whatever, I appreciate the attention.

So, in lieu of a formal bio, how 'bout I provide a goofy pic and one of those aren't-we-all-just-a-little-too-bored Internet questionnaires? No?

Too late.

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If I don't make it back, hey, it's been fun.

We need to talk. Actually, no, we need a break. How about one, then the other?

Been at this sports blogging thing going on eight weeks. So far, so swimmingly. I write, you read. I write some more, you correct my mistakes. I write still more, you sometimes feel moved to write back.

Hate to break our momentum with a 20-second timeout, but it’s vacation time at Ye Ol’ Sportatorium. Next week I’ll be floating the river in New Braunfels, attending a concert by this guy and painting my dad’s house. Swear, I couldn’t make up that cumbersome of a trifecta.

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Enjoy.

FRIDAY: Check your calendars, triskadecaphobians. Don’t walk under ladders. Don’t screw with masked dudes named Jason. And, whatever you do, don’t work around cranes.

SATURDAY: Still six weeks until the Cowboys depart for Oxnard, Calif., but that isn’t stopping Terrell Owens and Marcus Spears from throwing a “Back to Camp” bash at the Palladium Ballroom. In light of this week’s news, I think it’d be funny if you went up to T.O. and asked him to pee in a cup. Dare ya.

SUNDAY: For you nostalgic Ticket P1s, the artist formerly known as “He Who Must Not Be Named” caps Dad’s Day with an appearance with Fox 4’s Mike Doocy on Sports Sunday at 10 p.m. The night before, former ticker guy-turned-Mavs’ voice Mark Followill will try to follow my huge (re: embarassingly tiny) footsteps as the guest analyst on Channel 21’s Frisco RoughRiders broadcast. And, just in case my son happens to log on, here are a couple gift ideas. -- Richie Whitt

Sorry TMS, two wheels are better than four.

FRIDAY: Convicted steroids dealer-turned-NFL informant David Jacobs was shot to death along with his body-building girlfriend in Plano yesterday. Like it did me, did this send a cold-blooded shiver down your spine? With the way he imported raw powder from China, manufactured it into steroids and developed a national network of dealing, Jacobs’ case reminds me of American Gangster. You? Of course wild-ass, unfounded speculation on what happened runs from suicide to hitmen. Jacobs had named only former Cowboys lineman Matt Lehr among his buyers. But since he began cooperating with federal prosecutors and the NFL, no doubt he developed enemies. Creepy quote from Jacobs’ father, “I’ve been waiting on this call.” Gonna take a while to sort this one out. Might as well get started.

Update #1: The Dallas County medical examiners says suicide.

Update #2: What an unfortunate nickname.

SATURDAY: There’s a big event out at Texas Motor Speedway this weekend. Not the Bombardier Learjet 550 Indy race, but rather the sideshow-turned-main draw – Robby Knievel jumping his motorcycle over 20 Hummers at 7 p.m. It’ll set a record, and it may be his last. “I’m in my 40s now, but still jumpin’ and smokin’ and drinkin’,” Robby says. “I’m like Keith Richards.” Anyone whose dad was the inspiration for this is alright by me.

SUNDAY: Rangers’ TV color man Tom Grieve will work the team’s game against Tampa Bay tonight, then head off where no man wants to go: prostate cancer surgery. Great timing by Fox Sports Net Southwest, which will present In My Own Words: Tom Grieve at 10 p.m. The 30-minute show, moderated by John Rhadigan, takes us from Grieve’s days as a Rangers’ outfielder (he talks about taking batting practice at Arlington’s Randol Mill Park), general manager and broadcaster (starting alongside the late Mark Holtz). Grieve has grown more assertive in the booth through the years. Here’s hoping we get the chance to hear him grown even more so in the near future.

The Top 5 things I command, okay request, you to do over the Memorial Day Weekend. Yes, there will be a pop quiz Tuesday morning.

1. Fly this.

2. Drink this.

3. Eat these.

4. Try to tell this guy from this guy. No wonder the Cowboys landed Super Bowl XLV and the "commish" reinstating Pacman Jones is a done deal.

5. Watch this Monday night at 10. Sports anchor Derek Castillo will present the gripping story I wrote about back in 2005. It’s the tear-jerking tale of a Frisco 12-year-old, Chandler Jackson, killed in a freak golf club accident. Almost three years since her son’s death, Charmane Jackson is turning tragedy into triumph in the form of a fruitful foundation while also bringing a lawsuit against the manufacturer of what she claims are unsafe kids’ clubs. Must-see TV.

P.S. The Stars are about to sign head coach Dave Tippett to a three-year contract extension. So, I guess tip one back for him, eh? -- Richie Whitt

This picture isn't me, my office or my pointy lamp. Nonethless, I'll try to blog on weekends.
Try.
Stay tuned. -- Richie Whitt