Nein danke?!

Dirk Nowitzki isn’t one of the 10 most popular NBA players in Europe.

I know. What gives?

Technically, I guess, it’s his uniform that isn’t so loved as Dirk’s No. 41 isn’t among the NBA’s just-released list of most popular jerseys across the pond. Kobe Bryant is No. 1. Jose Calderon of the Toronto Raptors is No. 10. Sandwiched in between are a bunch of guys not named Nowitzki.

Last time I checked Germany was in Europe. Dirk is a former MVP. A perennial All-Star. Even a stalwart of Germany’s National Team that played in the Olympics last summer.

Scratching my head, but I dunno. Maybe the Mavericks’ color scheme is too, um, colorful? Maybe even Euros were offended at teammate Josh Howard’s vulgar dissing of the Star-Spangled Banner.

Beats me. Jump for the list and gimme your explanation:

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For dang sure, it doesn’t involve listening to this moron’s sports picks.

In between explaining how “close to seven” players expressed their intentions not to play for Dallas if coach Avery Johnson returned this season, promising to be even more hands-on this season and revealing that he’ll this week go to a Cubs’ playoff game to “drink beer and have fun,” Mavericks owner Mark Cuban on Monday also gave us media dorks some financial advice in these troubled times.

With my 401k down to about a 201g, I took notes:

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Josh Howard isn't a bad guy. So says Josh Howard.

Josh Howard isn’t Jewish. Nonetheless -- on the eve of Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year -- the Maverick’s period of atonement likewise commenced.

The marijuana admissions. The crappy play. The defiant birthday bash. The drag racing. The charity softball game blow-up. The vulgar disrespecting of the national anthem.

All gone? Just like that?

Yes. Just like that. Better late than never, right?

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Wow!

It's also scary how much racism lurks still today.-- Richie Whitt

Oh no, not again.

Seriously now, I’ve said about all I can say about the drastic demise of Mavericks’ forward Josh Howard.

Just know that this video clip was shot about a month before his outburst at his own charity function down in DeSoto.

The good news: Josh does a lot of charity work.

The bad news: He needs to keep his mouth shut.

“The Star Spangled Banner’s going on right now and I don’t celebrate that shit. I’m black."

Cringe. -- Richie Whitt

Tsk, tsk.

NBA players – including, turns out, former South Oak Cliff star and 2006 Dallas High School Player of the Year Darrell Arthur – loves them some marijuana.

But, like the Mavericks’ Josh Howard so infamously noted, in the off-season, man. The OFF-season. Not at rookie orientation.

Dude?! -- Richie Whitt

I guess we're supposed to feel better about the Mavs because of him. Somehow, we don't.

So our Dallas Mavericks officially re-signed Devean George yesterday. That goes in the positive category. I think?

Two years ago the Mavs were an elite team coming off an NBA Finals appearance with the league’s best record. But these days, they’re reduced to trumpeting the return a role player who averages 3.7 points, 2.6 rebounds and seems hurt more than he’s healthy.

Look, I enjoy the Mavs more than any other local team. I’d love nothing more than to see owner Mark Cuban’s passion and commitment finally rewarded. But looking at their summer machinations, the negatives seem to swamp the Mavs' positives:

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Which one of these doesn't belong? You guessed it. The Maverick.

The Redeem Team has been staggering so far in The Olympics. Thanks in no part to Dallas Maverick Jason Kidd.

While Dallas native Chris Bosh has at times been the best U.S. player on the court, Kidd at times looks sad, slow and lost. He’s started every game – the U.S. plays Australia tomorrow at 7 a.m. in the quarterfinals – but contributed only five points, eight assists and seven turnovers. I know, Kidd is counted on for intangibles and leadership, but still …

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This photo is not -- I repeat, not -- of Josh Howard and CW33 reporter Sandra Hernandez.

Spent my Saturday afternoon down in DeSoto at the first annual Josh Howard Foundation celebrity charity softball game.

I wish I could report that Josh is sorry for his recent arrest in North Carolina for drag racing. I wish I could report that Josh regrets his late-season admission that he smokes pot. And I wish I could report that Josh is atwitter about the upcoming basketball season, ready to redeem himself after a horrible post All-Star break that ended in his total flameout against the Hornets in the playoffs.

But, sorry, I can’t report any of that. Because the truth is – in his first public comments since the July 31 arrest – Josh was merely pissed at the media.

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Deja Diop?

DeSagana Diop? Matt Barnes? Shan Foster?

Be still my bouncy basketball heart. Because the Dallas Mavericks are apparently going to next year look a lot like they did last year. Or, come to think of it, a lot like they did in 2006.

NBA free agency started with a whimper last night, and, because the Mavs have few options, it doesn’t figure to ever become a roar. With only the mid-level exception to use, Dallas is eyeing a return of Diop to fill its need at backup center. Some of that money could also be used to land a small forward like Barnes, the Golden State scrapper who helped befuddle Dallas in 2007.

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Back to the grindstone.

Ok, so where were we?

First, a review of my week-long sabbatical:

Dad’s house: Painted.

Guadalupe River: Cold.

Hootie & The Blowfish: Eh.

As for sports, I'm playing catch-up today. The thing that has first struck me is that the Mavs nabbed a nice player with the 51st overall pick last week.

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Dude's reputation has taken a hit.

Despite his horrible post-season and his humiliating pot statements, Mavericks forward Josh Howard is ready to show his face around town again.

Fittingly, at a discounted rate. His stock and his image are at all-time lows.

I won’t be able to attend the first annual Josh Howard Basketball Camp next Monday through Friday at The Sportsplex on Alpha Road. Neither, apparently, will many kids. The camp, which benefits Josh’s foundation, recently slashed its price from $260 to $210.

Never a good sign. What, parents aren’t convinced their kids should get “life skills” from a guy who'd ideally change his uniform number from 5 to 420?

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In retrospect, last night's title was won last summer.

Three things I guarantee after last night watching the Celtics, not surprisingly, beat the Lakers for the NBA Championship:

1. Kobe Bryant isn’t, in fact, Michael Jordan. In the clincher, he went 22 minutes between baskets.

2. Coaching, I repeat, coaching is the most overrated aspect of sports. Last year the Celtics went 24-58 and missed the playoffs under the guidance of Doc Rivers. This year they acquire Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen, and suddenly we’re supposed to trumpet Rivers as some sort of genius? I don’t think so.

3. If, and hopefully when, Dirk Nowitzki finally leads the Mavericks to a title, his post-game celebration will be much more classy and coherent than Garnett’s. The Celtics’ star screamed that he was “certified”, that he was on “top of the world!” and – in a bizarre channeling of Joe Namath – told ABC’s Michelle Tafoya “you look good tonight, girl.” W. T. F.?! -- Richie Whitt

Another season. Another empty spot on the Mavs' mantle.

The basketball season officially ends tonight, when the Celtics beat the Lakers in Boston and win the NBA Championship. In a tense, low-scoring game, gimme the Celtics minus the five, under the 191.

For entertainment only, of course.

Then, finally, we can get on to the business of watching Mark Cuban feud some more with Don Nelson and lamenting the fact that the Mavs have no first-round pick in next week’s draft.

Can James Gist possibly be the key to getting over the hump? -- Richie Whitt

Almost 10,000 career assists, yet somehow Jason Kidd couldn't pass on her.

Mavs fans, you think this blog item is going to be about how good you should feel, considering you purged your sorrow six weeks ago as opposed to waking this morning to the grief of blowing a 24-point lead on your home court in the NBA Finals?

You think it’s going to be a exxy and ohsey breakdown of how Dallas is trying to acquire a first-round pick for the June 26 draft?

Looking for the daily itinerary of new coach Rick Carlisle’s visit to see Dirk Nowitzki in Germany? (Prediction: weiner schnitzel is involved daily.)

Wrong, wrong and wrong. It’s Friday. Get your mind in the gutter.

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On second thought, this wasn't a foul. Wait, that was our first thought.

With only a 1.7 percent chance of winning, the big-market Chicago Bulls stole the NBA Lottery. Pushing the NBA Finals back to relevancy, the league got lucky enough to have the Lakers and Celtics this summer. And after attempting only 10 free throws in Sunday’s Game 2, the Lakers – on the brink of losing a short series – shot 34 in last night’s win that guarantees at least a highly-rated Game 5 … and beyond?

Look hard enough, and the NBA will give you multiple reasons to cock your head and squint your eyes in a “Hey, it must be a conspiracy” sorta way. Dwyane Wade and his 16 – sixteen! – free-throw attempts per game in the ’06 Finals against your Mavericks ring a bell?

Now comes yesterday’s revelation by former ref and admitted felon Tim Donaghy that NBA officials do indeed conspire to alter the outcome of games. Watch enough sports – any sport – and the initial reaction is … duh.

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Squint hard enough and you can see these two in Mavericks' blue.

Well, not really. But we can dream.

And, as nightmares go, how’s this? The Mavericks almost made three separate trades for guys who will figure prominently in what should be a scintillating, fascinating NBA Finals between the Lakers and Celtics. Guys named Kobe Bryant, Pau Gasol and Kevin Garnett.

It’s okay, take a 20-second timeout to collect your thoughts.

On his appearance on ESPN Radio last week, owner Mark Cuban confirmed he basically pooh-poohed acquiring Kobe and Gasol because the Lakers wanted Dirk Nowitzki and the Grizzlies wanted Josh Howard.

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'Scuse me, Avery. I believe that's my chair.

With TNT analyst Doug Collins apparently the Chicago Bulls’ choice and former Mavericks player Elston Turner jumping to the front of the line in the Phoenix Suns’ search, it’s looking more and more like Avery Johnson will have to slum it next year without a coaching gig.

Somehow, methinks he’ll scrape by on the $4 million still owed him by owner Mark Cuban.

Johnson, who’s become a nightly staple on TNT and ESPN’s studio sets, would take Cuban off the hook should he land a network job. Until then, these peculiar car ads are the only press conferences he’s going to hold.

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Enough with the flirting.

Dear Mr. Cuban,

Please don’t do it. I know you love baseball and the spotlight and you have more money than Sri Lanka, but don’t buy the Chicago Cubs.

I know you’re more than thinking about it. You want it. And I don’t blame you. It’s one of the coolest franchises on this whole rock. No doubt you’d go in there, spend like crazy, become a Bleacher Bum, transform the loveable losers into winners and wind up owning the north side of Chitown.

MFFLers shudder at the thought.

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Rick Carlisle can be the same. Long as he's different.

Us media dorks get our first chance to meet ‘n greet new Mavericks coach Rick Carlisle this afternoon down at American Airlines Center. Honestly, I’d have rather landed the entertaining and up-tempo Mike D’Antoni or persuaded general manager Donnie Nelson give it a go.

But of the available choices, Carlisle seems a good, safe fit.

Though he is extremely similar to Avery Johnson – micro-manager with a commitment to defense and a penchant for calling plays in half-court offensive sets – I’m going in with an open mind. (Kinda in the same way that a lot of my girlfriends had the same physical characteristics. It’s the details that make the difference.)

You?

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