During last Thursday's NBA championship parade for the Mavericks, Fake Mayor Dwaine Caraway -- remember, he's only interim Mayor because Tom Leppert up and quit -- rode in a red convertible and waved to his unadoring crowd.

Yep, the guy who gave the key to the city to Michael Vick now wanted to smudge the coattails of a long-awaited champion.   

Wait, it gets worse.

Among the 200,000 fans in attendance, one carried a homemade sign that read "Dallas is the Shit!" Not particularly creative. Or good. Or ... offensive.

But Fake Mayor Caraway, determined to put his stamp on a shining day and make sure the real citizens of his artificial domain knew he was in control, wasn't about to stand for it. Nope, the guy who lied about an incident involving his wife and fabricated characters named Arthur and Archie was suddenly all about morals and standards and taste and decency.

Vomit.

What'd his Fake Excellency do?

 

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​10. Ate dinner last night at Prime Italian on South Beach. In the midst of ridiculous opulence in the form of $20 valet parking and $100,000 cars, it was relatively affordable. $125 for a steak and a couple drinks. Thumbs up.

9. They also offered prime Kobe steak for $30 an ounce. Our waiter said Bulls' forward Carlos Boozer recently ate a 20-ounce version. By my sportswriter math that's a $600 piece of meat. Impressive.

8. South Beach, by the way, is a 23-block area on the strip of beach that seperates the Atlantic Ocean from Miami's Biscayne Bay. The locals call it "SoBe." Oh so chic.

7. Although it's a public beach, it's also topless-friendly. Especially down by the Clevelander hotel made famous for its MTV spring break parties.

6. Collins Avenue. Ocean Avenue. And two blocks south or west ... ghetto. It's like Highland Park and Kiest Park being seperated by a sidewalk. There's a restaurant called Big Pink that was packed with people on the patio. Might as well been called the Sitting Duck. Just last week, for example, a shooting on Collins.

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Miami has Colin Farrel's lame mustache. We have shirtless Matthew Mcconaughey.

​Recently our brotherly blog down here in Miami concocted a list of reasons why Miami is a better city than Dallas.

Same ol', lame-o stuff. Calling us fat and redneck and boasting that "nobody's ever killed a sitting president in Miami." Yawn.

Wait, it also says we're adjacent to a desert. That's a new one, actually. So is referring to the NBA championship as a "national title" and Dirk Nowitzki and the Mavericks as "a shaggy, horse-toothed German and his band of merry pranksters."

Well, allow us to retort.

Last time I checked our state's best baseball team kicked your state's best baseball team's ass: In last year's ALDS and, yep, again last night via Rangers 11, Rays 5.

Yep, there's more ...

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​October 22, 2010

 

​February 7, 2011

 

 

​May 25, 2011

​10. Regrettably, I didn't go to the Oklahoma City National Museum, but apparently Jason Kidd did. Can't believe that tragedy was 16 years ago all the sudden.

9. Stayed in a hip, happening part of OKC called "Bricktown." Think of it as Dallas' West End, with a canal running through it. Part San Antonio's Riverwalk and part Dallas Alley. Thumbs up.

8. The storms that ravaged Joplin, Missouri just grazed OKC, which is about 200 miles southwest of the Sunday tornadoes' epicenter. But you're constantly reminded OKC is in tornado alley, and on the prairie. Winds are 30 mph daily. Yesterday a gust literally ripped my media credential off my lanyard and whisked it down the street before I had to run and catch it.

7. After a night of drinking, a 2:30 a.m. chili dog from a street vendor is never a good idea. May seem like it at the time but, trust me, it ain't.

6. Played some basketball at the OKC YMCA Sunday with a group of Dallas media. Scouting report: Jeff "Skin" Wade got game. Ben Rogers is a mix between Jeff Ruland and Kevin McHale. Mark Followill has the energy and elbows as the spawn of Eduardo Najera and Brian Cardinal. And me? Over two games I was like 3 of 15. I'm like J.J. Barea, only without the skill or the accent or the Miss Universe girlfriend. So, actually, nothing like him. Would you go for Mike Iuzzolino?

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Justice.

​Michael Vick took steps toward rehabbing his image last season. No thanks to the Eagles quarterback, one of his former bait dogs is doing much better as well.

You remember Mel, right?

I first told you his story almost a year ago. It was later picked up by the Los Angeles Times, etc., and became a feel-good national story.

Goes like this: Mel was one of Vick's bait dogs, meaning he was a canine piñata. He was beaten daily by Vick and his cronies to kill his fighting spirit. Once "de-fanged" of his will, Mel was thrown into a pit with prized fighting dogs who practiced their aggression on the hapless, defenseless -- and, even worse, muzzled -- victim.

A blocking dummy, but with a pulse.

Fast-forward a year and Mel is doing much better. No longer scared shitless, he allows strangers to pet him and even frolics in the dog park.

And now, after Vick inexplicably was awarded to the key to the city by Dallas interim mayor Dwaine Caraway, Mel has one of his own.

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​About 10 percent of next winter's college bowl games will be played right here in our backyard, two under noses in Dallas.

In addition to the Cotton Bowl at Cowboys Stadium, this year will mark the debut of the Dallas Football Classic at the Cotton Bowl. And yesterday brought news that the Armed Forces Bowl - played annually at TCU's Amon Carter Stadium - would this year be held at SMU's Ford Stadium because of renovations to the old joint in Fort Worth.

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​Didn't think he'd do it. In fact, I dared him to do it.

I'll be damned if he didn't do it.

Soon as Dallas Mayor Tom Leppert settled in for his in-studio interview Wednesday on 105.3 The Fan, Greg Williams popped the question:

"Hey Mayor," said Greggo, "do you like your gig?"

Somehow I stifled a giggle and made it through the rest of the interview, which you can hear in its entirety right about here.

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​I remember Dad taking me a high-school football game to old P.C. Cobb Stadium, and I saw the Dallas/Fort Worth Spurs play minor-league baseball at Turnpike Stadium.

What I don't remember is something called the Dallas Submarines. Apparently they evolved into the Dallas Steers?

P.C. Cobb is now the Infomart. Turnpike Stadium is a grassy hill out beyond Rangers Ballpark. And the Submarines?

Thanks to a cool site that I just spent time and money on -- throwbackmax.com -- the 1920s baseball team lives on. At least their shirts do.

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I officially grew old yesterday afternoon. Once you've seen the rise and fall of a sports stadium, you've officially, um, been around the block.

I remember a kinder, gentler era in Dallas when as a little punk I'd peer out the family Fury along I-35 and gaze in wonderment at The Sportatorium, P.C. Cobb Stadium and a futuristic construction site dedicated to a dazzling new structure to be called Reunion Arena.

The Sportatorium is a vacant, dreary lot. Cobb is the InfoMart. And, after yesterday's final-straw demolition, Reunion is destined to be a grassy, soul-less field come March.

Please, bow your heads.

Let us not weep at the death of Reunion Arena, but rather rejoice in its life ...

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