​Call it the Pat 12.

As in, no thanks to expansion, we'll stand. As in, the Big 12 -- all but buried by a lot of us dorks -- remains alive, like the muddy, bony, cob-webbed hand reaching up from the grave to snatch onto life.

Again.

Because it couldn't get assurances from Texas about a downsizing and/or equal revenue sharing of the Longhorn Network, the Pac 12 on Tuesday night officially said no thanks to expansion. Meaning Texas, Texas Tech, Oklahoma and Oklahoma State are still, yes still, a part of the wobbly group of schools known as the Big 12.

But for how long?

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​It's not a matter of if, but merely when. The Big 12 is kaput.

When the Board of Regents at OU and Texas yesterday empowered their respective school presidents (David Boren and Williams Powers) to explore new conference affiliations, it officially signaled the beginning of the end for the Irving-based conference. Schools rarely give the green light to pursue greener pastures and then wind up -- never mind -- remaining home.

In this case it's Pac 12 over staying put.

Despite the naive denial issued yesterday afternoon by Big 12 commish Dan Beebe:

"The actions taken today by the governing boards of the universities of Oklahoma and Texas was anticipated," Beebe said in a statement. "It is my opinion that the case for the Big 12 Conference continues to be as strong today for all of our current members as it was last year, especially considering the welfare of those to whom we owe the greatest responsibility -- the student-athletes. "We continue to apply all effort resources toward assuring our members that maintaining the Big 12 is in the best interest for their institutions."

Baghdad Bob, meet your match.

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​After a meeting last weekend of school power brokers -- including UT president William Powers and OU grand poobah David Boren -- it's clear that Texas-OU Weekend will survive regardless of where the Longhorns and Sooners wind up in this chaotic restructuring of conferences.

According to a source familiar with the talks, even if OU, as expected, bolts the Big 12 for the Pac 12 and Texas stays behind -- or goes Independent -- the Texas-OU game will still be played in the metroplex.

The Red River Rivalry game, played in Dallas since 1900, has a contract to stay in Dallas' Cotton Bowl through 2015. After that ...

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​The Southern Baptist Convention has over 16 million members. It also boasts a mission statement:

As a convention of churches, our missional vision is to present the Gospel of Jesus Christ to every person in the world and to make disciples of all the nations.

Perusing their web site this morning I didn't read anything about cock-blocking, but SBC-backed Baylor is pulling off one of the all-timers. According to a source close the ongoing Big 12 conundrum, one of the options now being considered by Texas A&M is to hit the pause button for a year on its desired move to the Southeastern Conference. Time to sort out the legalese of such a move, ya know?

That's right: A school that on Wednesday had planned a press conference/party down in College Station may now have to wait until June 2013 to leave the Big 12. If the Aggies ever leave at all.

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​As we speak I'm told University of Texas president Bill Powers and athletic director DeLoss Dodds are planning an informal lunch with state power brokers at Barton Creek Country Club in Austin to discuss the feasibility of the Longhorns becoming a football independent.

Hello, Notre Dame of the South?

The plan goes thusly: With A&M going to the SEC and OU strongly hinting that it's headed for the Pac 12, Texas can either head west or truly secede. Texas will not give up its cherished Longhorn Network, and won't even dowsize to a regional network in order to join a new Pac 16. Since the Pac 12 signed a $3 billion TV contract recently, it only provides for regional, partnered networks such as Arizona-Arizona State, Washington-Washington State and Oregon-Oregon State. A Pac 16 Conference would reduce Texas' Longhorn Network into a regional deal involving Texas and Texas Tech. Also blocking Texas to a Pac 16 is the fact that the Pac 12 is an equally shared revenue outfit. Since Texas is the No. 1 revenue-generator in college sports and none of the current Pac 12 schools are among the Top 15, the Longhorns are balking at the arrangement.

In other words, no deal.

Being put on the table to dissect as feasible: Texas becoming an Independent in football and competing the Big East, or perhaps the ACC, in all other sports.

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​

10. We've sorta become desensitized to Oregon's smorgasboard of uniforms with different helmets featuring gray, green, yellow and white and neon-green outlined numbers. Blame Phil Knight and Nike for those. But what about the rest of ya? The opening weekend of college football delivered some great games (see Baylor 50, TCU 48) and some hideously awful uniforms.

​9. Like, for example, Oklahoma State. Since when did the Cowboys start wearing gray? Or is that charcoal? And what's with the square in the middle of the jerseys? Hang your head in shame, T. Boone Pickens. Though you probably okayed the son of a guns, didn't you? I also hear that OSU has gray helmets just waiting to be worn.

8. I remember one time the Dallas Mavericks trotted out some silver uniforms. The backlash was severe that Mark Cuban immediately canned them. Get those phone lines ringing, alums.

7. We'll get to Georgia more in detail later, but were they sporting two-tone face masks? Yes, they were.

6. Anybody watch Minnesota-Southern Cal? The Gophers' helmets were all sparkly, like a teen-aged girl's fingernails or as if some crafts class had dipped them in glitter just before kickoff. I think Texas Tech used to have that foundation on its helmets as well.

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​The Aggies are a joke.

After a 15-year marriage, they want a divorce. Greener pastures they say, failing to camouflage their hissy-fit jealousy of Texas. Their long-time spouse, the Big 12 Conference, shrugs and begins courting other attractive partners.

And now, almost three weeks after we'd all deemed the Aggies dead and gone, they're still here rattling their stupid sabres as if to say "Okay, this time I mean it. I'm really gonna move my shit out and leave."

New York Times last night posted a story about yet another official letter to the Big 12. The divorce is done.

Go already. Have fun getting your ass kicked in the SEC and becoming even less relevant in the Metroplex. I mean, why would Dallas-based media any longer give a damn about a school that's three hours away and plays half its games in places like Tennessee, Georgia and Florida?

Oh, and by the way, since you're breaking a contract you signed last April with the Big 12 and Fox Sports worth $1 billion, leaving is going to cost you in the neighborhood of $20 million. Just leave a check on the table when you leave.

With the Aggies' departure imminent, the Big 12 is left with its second consecutive lame-duck season. The future, however, could be more exciting than ever.

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Like a lot of Aggie traditions, how is their nonsensical, yet sacred War Hymn going to sound in the SEC?

Good bye to Texas University; So long to the orange and white

Imagine the curious looks in Florida's Swamp when the Aggies, trailing 42-7 in the third quarter, start singing about about a team from another conference?

Make no mistake, the Aggies are gone and Gig 'Em to the SEC. I'm hearing -- though it didn't happen yesterday -- that the SEC's Sunday decision was more pause-button than eject. With a time frame of 21 days, no doubt this will be A&M's final season in the Big 12.

As for the state's biggest, best team ...

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​The grand ol' Southwest Conference lived to be 80. The Big 12 Conference may die a teenager.

Only 17 and just a year removed from turmoil that left it with just 10 teams but supposedly unity and cohesion, the conference is again this morning reeling with the news that Texas A&M -- irked by the ESPN Longhorn Network -- has rekindled its flirtation with the Southeastern Conference.

Confirmed Texas Gov. and former Aggie yell leader Rick Perry: "As far as I know, conversations are being had."

What. The. What?!

It was just 14 months ago that the Big 12 barely escaped lethal injection.More >>

Like it never happened?

​When Ben Johnson was stripped of his 100-meter gold medal in the 1988 Olympics, it was awarded to second-place finisher Carl Lewis.

When Carter High School was ripped of its 1988 Texas State 5A Football Championship, it was given to the team it beat in the title game -- Converse Judson (officially, by the wacky score of 1-0.).

When Floyd Landis was yanked out of his 2006 Tour de France yellow title jersey, it was handed to second-place rider Oscar Pereiro.

When President Richard Nixon was impeached out of office in 1974, he was replaced by Vice President Gerald Ford.

And when mayor Tom Leppert resigned earlier this year, unfortunately we replaced him with Dwaine Caraway.

My point is, "vacated" sucks. In sports and in life, there needs to be a No. 1. Even if it started out as No. 2.

I don't have a problem with the BCS formally stripping Southern Cal of its 2004 National Championship, but how can the organization not replace the Trojans with an alternate "winner"?

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