BREAKING NEWS: Dallas Has a Soccer Team, and It's Quite Decent on the Pitch

FCD.jpg
MLS Soccer
FC Dallas scored in the 27th second against the Panamanianites.
Editor's note: Observer.com contributor Justin Bitner got drunk and admitted to being a soccer fan, so we made him attend Wednesday's FC Dallas match against Tauro FC of Panama, FCD's fifth game of CONCACAF Champions League play.

Yes, soccer still has ties. After a battle that sportscasters would definitely call "chippy," FC Dallas hung on to a 1-1 tie after scoring its lone goal in the 27th second -- second! -- of the game. Too bad, too, because they had more chances to score than a moderately famous athlete in a room full of drunk Kardashians. ZING.

Cruz finally settling in. Recently acquired midfielder Daniel Cruz seems to have found his pace, Wednesday's night's game is any indication. After spending his first handful of matches perfecting the art of dribbling into a tackler, Cruz put his well-coiffed stamp on this match with precise passing and quality shots. His whirling roundhouse goal in the 27th second made a ninja faint in a nearby tree,

Key guys need to hurry and get healthy. With talented attackers Marvin Chavez, Brek Shea and Fabian Castillo sidelined with injuries, FC Dallas's shorthandedness is rivaling the Cowboys' secondary, a clause that guarantees more comments on this post about football than futbol. Their absence was sorely felt in the waning moments Wednesday, as Dallas couldn't quite connect on several close chances.

Kevin Hartman seems to be on another planet. In 5.5 games of CCL play (one match rained out at half), the Human Highlighter has allowed one goal. On a penalty kick. (Editor's note: We think Hartman is the goalie?)

Small Panamanian army brought in. Considering the precisely 2,000 mile span between Frisco and Panama City, Panama, the thirty or so Tauro supporters who turned out Wednesday were a robust crew. Armed with several drums and what was possibly a lute, the small pocket of fans unleashed a symphony unfettered by the restraints of rhythm for the duration of the match.

These guys are gassed. After playing matches in four different countries over the last month and a half, the Hoops have passports that make Carmen Sandiego look like the ladies from Grey Gardens. (I mean, what the hell, right? We're already talking soccer. Why not drop a Grey Gardens reference?)

Their thinness of tread was evident in the final minutes of the match, and even in the postgame presser, where Coach Schellas Hyndman quipped, "I think it was a lot easier for you (reporters) than it was for them out there." Maybe, coach, although you try eating hot dogs, typing, and googling "Where is Panama again?" Shit ain't easy.

There are even more soccer games. This Saturday night, FC Dallas faces New York Red Bulls in match that will feature a tribute to tragically departed former player and broadcaster Bobby Rhine. Kickoff will be at 7:30 p.m., with Brek Shea, MLS Commissioner Don Garber and members of the Rhine family leading the March to the Match from the Londoner at 7.

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MattL1
MattL1

I thought I'd never live to see the day.  Fantastic.

Keep up the soccer coverage.  The haters will either come around or eventually bang their heads into so much shit that they lose the ability to read and write.

Justinransom
Justinransom

Thank You for covering this. Screw the haters!

Im_not_Ed_Carter
Im_not_Ed_Carter

As far as MLS goes, you get what you pay for. Manchester U. has easily beaten the M.L.S. All-Star team two years straight.

Its like when the Green Bay Packers beat the College All Stars every preseason back in the 60's.

Don't get me wrong, the (beautiful) games are still exciting to watch in person. But then again so are the UIL soccer playoffs that hit the area every spring.

Im_not_Ed_Carter
Im_not_Ed_Carter

Check that, it should read:

"Its like when the Green Bay Packers **usually** beat the College All Stars every preseason back in the 60's."

Fact Check:http://www.amazon.com/Starry-K...Starry Knights: The 1963 College All - Stars and the Forgotten Story of Football's Greatest Upset

 

cactusflinthead
cactusflinthead

Futbol is a big meh for me, but glad to see some new blood on the blog page.Now, if we only had somebody to write that gave a shit about hockey. 

ChazzDTID
ChazzDTID

Welcome Justin - an entertaining read!  (Note to Editor: Yes Kevin Hartman is the goalie, an award-winning, record-setting goalie... google is your friend).  Nice to see the Observer offering soccer related articles about FC Dallas, a very classy organization, a great soccer team, and a heck of a lot of fun.

You should try it - come out and join the pre-game tailgates, then continue the party in the Beer Garden on the stage at the north end ($ beer!) - you can even watch the soccer game!

DTID

Rooster
Rooster

What a big steaming pile of meh.

Ok.... So the Labor Day guest writer (Kelly Dearmore) wrote about....tennis.This guy writes about....soccer.$10 says the next guy writes about women's billiards.

RJSloppy
RJSloppy

Mmmmmm,  big steaming pile of shit.  Just what I needed for my Friday night Jap porn fest.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

here is the difference mr ster, this guy justin actually works for the observer, kelly merely wrote an article and whitt posted it

MP
MP

I just read an FC Dallas post? Awesome.  Theirry Henry is also in town Saturday night.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

Praise baby jeebus, a FC Dallas story, and the writer actually knows about them.  Our boys "The Hoops" have a great squad and deserve support form the DFW are, all you plano frisco fags that bitch about driving to the ballpark bc its in arlington, whats your excuse for FC Dallas?  I make sure and drive up that way once  a month to support them, and you dont hear me bitching about where they are located.  Anyhow, welcome Justin, and ognore RJ Sloppy, Fridays are rec days at the daycare and they all get access to to computers

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

THIS JUST IN: Nobody cares about futbol, but it seems this dude cares about writing..it'd be nice if some of that rubbbed off on Chef Boy Likey.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

THIS JUST IN: I do, oh and someone just shat blasted the toilet here at work

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

Somebody buy this dude season tickets to the Rangers and the Stars!

Storm_71
Storm_71

Hey what the hell is this???????? Bless you whoever you are. I don't care that much for "futbol" but I am all in on fresh blood here in the ole Sportatorium. Welcome Justin Bitner.

Hey Mr. Tone can we keep him?????????

Sturms_Bloody_Rectum
Sturms_Bloody_Rectum

Nice job Justin, can I call you Justin? Way to hit the points: Who, what, where and why........with no self-pimping, towards any other gigs you may have going on. We are so use to reading crap, RIGHT? Are you a Sportatorium plus One?

I look forward to reading your posts on:NFLNCAANHLMLBNBABeer drinkingAddisons DoucheryTech talkVehicle repairHot chicks

TheRealDirtyP1
TheRealDirtyP1

Really? Really? I'd prefer Bitner writing about the Frisco Roughriders or Dallas Outlaws(or whatever the arena team is called now) than futbol.

RIP Bobby Rhine. Stay hard.

RJSloppy
RJSloppy

Oh, I don't want to forget this. Justin Bitner, I didn't read this shit, but I assume it sucked since it was about soccer. For letting such a steaming pile of journalistic shit disgrace the Sportatorium, Joe Tone should without undue delay irrevocably and unconditionally resign.

Im_Ed_Carter
Im_Ed_Carter

In outdoor wheelchair jai alai...

TheRealDirtyP1
TheRealDirtyP1

can you do some combination of demolition derby, blind people, and AIDs?

Im_Ed_Carter
Im_Ed_Carter

Sir, I think you just did......

In anorexic sumo wrestling...

RJSloppy
RJSloppy

Shut the fuck up, you AIDS-infested snatch.

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