What Happens in Las Vegas ... Gets Re-Told in Dallas: My Top 10 Observer-ations

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​10.
Two of the sweetest words to any man's ears: Free. Upgrade. Thank you, US Airways.

9. For the life of me I can't figure out why casinos offer the game of War. It's the the most balanced, fair game in Vegas. It's high-card wins, with ties merely forcing the player to double the bet for another hand. Higher stakes, but no change to the odds. There's no green spaces like Roulette. No juice on winning hands like Baccarat. No hidden hole cards like Blackjack. It's basically a coin flip. Zero strategy, 100-percent luck and the fastest, easiest way to win money in Sin City. If you can find a War table, play it. You'll like it.

8. The day before heading out I went to a pool party and somehow dropped a $50 bottle of Patron tequila on my buddy's garage floor. How strong is it? Literally ate away the protective coating seal off his garage floor. Imagine what it does to our stomach.

7. As for futures sports bets at MGM, the Rangers to win the World Series stood at 14-1, the Cowboys to win Super Bowl XLVI at 18-1 and the Mavs to win the 2012 NBA Finals at 8-1.

6. Nothing like walking out of a strip club with a girlfriend, two new friends and being greeted by ... sunrise.

5. I didn't get a laptop stolen or throw up in front of Bally's this time, but I did see something I thought wasn't possible: Buddy of mine actually got thrown out of O'Shea's. It's like a college-ish hangout with cheap tables in the front and beer pong in the back, but if you walk through the pit boss area -- twice -- you're history.

4. Like I seemingly always do, I almost went to a show and almost took a helicopter tour to the Grand Canyon. Maybe next time.

3. Best night club was PURE inside Caesars Palace. Be prepared to stand in line to get in past 1 a.m., pay $15 for a Red Bull-'n-Vodka and to dance over and over to LMFAO's "Party Rock Anthem".

2. Thanks to a hook-up from Fox 4's Fiona Gorostiza via Chris Trillo at Angel Management, our party spent three consecutive days lounging in poolside cabanas at three different hot spots. Venus at Caesars Palace is the most luxurious while Bare at The Mirage is the most daring. Both allow European sunbathing -- i.e., topless -- and Bare features a hot tub with transparent walls that cater to both exhibitionists and voyeurs. The biggest, most fun pool is the MGM's Wet Republic. Two sprawling pools, live DJ on a stage, non-stop dancing and patrons who apparently stepped right off the cover of Men's Fitness. Out of fear of drugs, you can't take as much as a piece of fruit or a stick of gum into these private pools. You can, however, see countless hot chicks in their trendy bandeau bikini tops while buying pitchers of Mojitos for a cool $85 a pop. That's right, eighty-five.

1. I knew was in Las Vegas when I went 24 hours between meals but never more than 24 minutes between drinks.


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28 comments
Phoenix Edler
Phoenix Edler

LOL those all hit the mark! You should try dressing up like Elvis and strutting your stuff on the promenade. Being in Vegas gives us enough leeway to do that!

ts
ts

Properly responding to this missive of RW's is like posting up a 6th grader in the paint.  Easy and potentially fun, but you're only going feel bad about it afterwards.

Davy Crockett
Davy Crockett

10. Remember the douche bag talk on the last Whitt's End? This makes you a douche bag.

9. So you rip War then tell us to play it? Are you thinking we're ignorant and can't play a game that doesn't have strategy?

8. I'm not surprised you can't hold your liquor.

7. Don't care about sports odds.

6. Girlfriend = prostitute. Two friends = her pimps.

5. If that's the first time you've seen somebody get tossed from a place in Vegas, you're not doing it right.

4. Moron.

3. Douche bag.

2. Douche bag.

1. You're in your 40's, not your 20's. One of these days you'll act like it.

Sybil's prolapse
Sybil's prolapse

This?  Is your Twatter account broken?

This is worse than Jub touting the new North Texas high school stadium.

Tad Banyon
Tad Banyon

"Imagine what it does to our stomach"I'm still getting over the fact that we all share a stomach!

Steve
Steve

...And a Criss Angel reference.   Douchebag Yahtzee!

pencil
pencil

Classic example of low self esteem "little man syndrome."

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

Why would anyone think Richie would do anything else than what he wrote.  Its fucking Vegas, there are a bout 4 things to do, gamble, club, swim, see sights/shows.  He got 3 of the 4 in and most likely thats 3 of the 4 that 90% of people get in while there.  Hell, Cirque and Blue Man Group have both been through Dallas in the last year so thats not real special.

ThongNCheese
ThongNCheese

Anyone else get the feeling RW wants us to ask who his "two new friends" are? I bet they are "famous"...

antiarmen
antiarmen

LOL! Thats Chris Arnold. He's actually pretty cool, and not too bad given the chance.

Richie's douchiness
Richie's douchiness

Was trying to listen to Josh and Elf, what happened? Did the station change formats? There's some guy that thinks he works for a rap station.

bkharmony
bkharmony

This is a joke, right? It's got to be satire. How can a "man" be so self-unaware?

ladeedah
ladeedah

You say you've outgrown The Ticket and The Dallas Morning News, yet this is what you come up with for a vacation recap?  What a derelict.

TheRealDirtyP1
TheRealDirtyP1

I see the nut kicking coming from this a mile away.You have to be pretty out of control to get kicked out of O'Shea's. In a former life my job required me to be in Vegas 4-5 times a year, so I'm burned out on it for at least a couple more years. Thanks for reminding me that nothing's changed, except for the pool with the european sunbathing. If I start P90xing it right now, I might be in shape to put on a gun show for my next trip.

Mishon
Mishon

Yeah, why take a half day or so going to see something as cool as the Grand Canyon, when you can be a douche at the pool all week. Just like in OKC when you didn't go and see the memorial. You really miss out on some great things RW.

In the future if you ever wonder why people think you are a huge d-bag, just refer back to this article.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

Pics or it didn't happen. Smells like embellishment of a stay at Imperial Palace. Plus everyone knows you don't drink Red Bull & Vodka after the age of 25 tops. You really are a douche.

Good job arranging content for us last week. My guess is we'll get a Cowboys-related prostate-massaging, lockout-not-over-rationalization post in the morning that none of us were asking for.

49R
49R

"Red Bull-'n-Vodka"

My god you're a douchebag.

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Good to see you made it back with 100% of your douchiness intact, I was worried about it.

Just Me
Just Me

Thanks for telling us how much the bottle Patron cost you.

Storm_71
Storm_71

When you say girlfriend that's code for boyfriend right????????????

OMG
OMG

All teed up.  This should be good!

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

What's the plus/minus before he's bragging about getting a lifted truck with giant mud tires? 2 months?

Leisure Suit Larry
Leisure Suit Larry

They are probably the ones that taught RW the "war" rules.

'with ties merely forcing the player to double the bet for another hand. Higher stakes, but no change to the odds.'

Wrong. House gains are usually 2% based upon variations upon rules for ties.

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

15 years ago on the little Ticket, I'd agree with. But once you get the smell of the Fail on ya..you never know, little buddy.

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