Dear Miami, We Hate You. And Your Sports. Love, Dallas

miami_vice.jpg
Miami has Colin Farrel's lame mustache. We have shirtless Matthew Mcconaughey.
Recently our brotherly blog down here in Miami concocted a list of reasons why Miami is a better city than Dallas.

Same ol', lame-o stuff. Calling us fat and redneck and boasting that "nobody's ever killed a sitting president in Miami." Yawn.

Wait, it also says we're adjacent to a desert. That's a new one, actually. So is referring to the NBA championship as a "national title" and Dirk Nowitzki and the Mavericks as "a shaggy, horse-toothed German and his band of merry pranksters."

Well, allow us to retort.

Last time I checked our state's best baseball team kicked your state's best baseball team's ass: In last year's ALDS and, yep, again last night via Rangers 11, Rays 5.

Yep, there's more ...

1. Humidity.

2. Rain.

3. Your basketball arena is named after American Airlines. Based in Fort Worth. Suck it.

4. Make fun of Dirk and his impressive resume void of a championship again and I'll bring up Dan Marino. Check. Mate.

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Let us all remember how Dan Marino was in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

5. More humidity.

6. Face most associated with your city these days: That creepy, dramatic-talking redhead on CSI: Miami.

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Worst. Show. Ever.

7. Don't think we've forgotten about Miami Sound Machine.

8. Or Elian Gonzalez.

9. Remember the last time the Dolphins won a Super Bowl? Me neither. Oh, wait, it was waaaay back when Don Shula still coached, Richard Nixon was our President and a gallon of gas cost 40 cents.

10. Super Bowl VI. Cowboys 24, Dolphins 3. Ring a bell?

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Roger 'Effin Staubach.

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57 comments
Norco Addiction
Norco Addiction

... After they stomped the Miami Heat 105-95 in game 6,... ...Mavericks shooting guard Jason Terry in a pose we're guessing David Stern is not... I fuckin love it. ... keep on rejoicing whatever is you're celebrating (assuming it's your hate for Lebron). ... Dear Dallas and Cleveland, Its okay to behave like idiots. ...

Legal cocaine
Legal cocaine

The cocaine has a street value of $250000 authorities said. One of these suspects, Mario Sandoval, 42 from Mexico, is the owner/operator the shop, located on Third Court South, where the cocaine was seized. Also arrested ...

Rushsaga
Rushsaga

ummm, the Rangers lost the World Series last year? Well Miami has won in the last 15 twice (the Marlins are "only" 18 years old) .... and TexASS, when was the last time? You really think I'd rather hang out for partying in Dallas than in Miami Beach? What do you have that we don't? Better steakhouses? That's IT?

 Miami Hate
Miami Hate

Dear Miami, we know SEO and Social Media. Your fans whine and complain, Dallas fans build websites like MiamiHate.net in 5 minutes last week. Dallas wins. The End.

Dinahe
Dinahe

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Conniehun
Conniehun

HAHAHAHAH, that was great....Dallas is the BEST....

Buddy Garrity
Buddy Garrity

Miami Vice is way better than Dallas; c'mon!!

Miami Street
Miami Street

uhmm the rays are from Tampa...not miami. dumb ass.

DONTHATEMIAMILOSER
DONTHATEMIAMILOSER

Really? Larry Hagman vs Don Johnson. REALLY? We will see who reads your list while we are kissing the Championship Trophy in the AMERICAN AIRLINES arena. Idiot. Live in the now. 

sowangzhe
sowangzhe

man , would you like doing sports . If you like it , please do't hesitate to login our store :www.nflboyshop.com . Don't miss the opportunity.

Evan
Evan

Far be it for you to actually know baseball details, but the Rays aren't Florida's best baseball team right now. 

MoronDog
MoronDog

Cmon guys.  I kick RW in the balls all the time here but this is actually a little funny.  RW is doing a bit by making fun of a really bad writer doing a city vs city bit.  So, a little tip of the hat to RW.

John Q Public
John Q Public

Miama has writer Chris Abdill who knows about Texas' own Johnny Winter's classic first album and can fit the whole story above the fold. Dallas has RW who adds filler such as repeat remarks about the humidity below the fold and wouldn't know Johnny Winter from Edgar. How bout a trade plus cash? I'm sure Abdill is ready to get out that South Floridy third world cesspool where criminals rule and the law abiding are ducking for cover. (SEE: three cops shot, multiple others wounded over this past weekend in South Beach).

Peter B
Peter B

Bringing up the Ranger's playoff series win last year over the Rays serves no purpose with this argument. No one in Miami cares about the Rays. It's like them bringing up the Marlins beating the Astros in a series (if that had ever happened) in explaining why MIA is better than Dallas.  These our city is better than yours debates are so dumb.  Go Mavs!

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

In news of the meh:

Atlanta Thrashers moving to Winnipeg. Atlanta barely notices, Winnipeg giddy.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

The most important question remains....will Cuban park his yacht by the AAA like he did in '06

Randall
Randall

Miami has Dan LeBatard. Dallas wins.

Mishon
Mishon

Yawn.

Still waiting for RW's prediction...

Sturm's Bloody Rectum
Sturm's Bloody Rectum

Damn RW, that authors article was written 5 days ago, hit'n the bottom of the barrel on finding ideas? Those blog poster's rip on their author almost as much as we rip on you. We win on that issue.

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

I'm happy to see my fellow SFBLers falling in line with my prediction.  Mavs in 6, starting tonight with a winner.  Has RW picked the Heat yet?  I haven't seen it if he has, he was too busy coming up with this bs, I reckon.  Hurry up RW, pick the Heat..so we can get on to some destiny stuff up in heara.  I'll be out in the furthest reaches of the West most of the rest of the week...so see you suckers later.

Steve
Steve

.......Yours Truly,

The embodiment of every single douchebag cliche ever spoken about Dallas.

Storm_71
Storm_71

When you say "please allow us to retort" you mean just you right RW?

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

South Beach>Party Cove24 hr Beer>Beer til MidnightParties start at12>parties end at 12Gulfstream Park>Lone Star ParkPolicewomen of Broward County>Policewomen of DallasSwimming Atlantic>Swimming Kayaking Trinity

And what does any of this have to do with basketball, nothing so fuck it.....

Mavs>Heat Mavs in 6

dcg
dcg

Leon Lett.  Miami win.

miami
miami

"what? oh yea theres a basketball game tonight, maybe i'll show up at halftime i have some party to go to. welcome to paradise."

love, miami.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

Holy crap, I feel ashamed for you. I hope you aren't buying what you're selling, Whitt.

Miami has a coast. They win. End of story. Dallas is a great city, but the world-class insecurity gets old, and we're as scenic as a gas station bathroom.

Plus Dexter is set there.

Mavs in 6, but the city vs. city crap is lame.

Rushsaga
Rushsaga

This just in....THE ABOVE POST HAS BEEN DEEMED IRRELEVANT AFTER TONITE'S LOST

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

I'll put in a Hamilton (Alexander, not Josh) towards the trade. In fact, just dip a postcard in the ocean and sent it to Dallas and I'd call it a fair swap.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

Hey look schools out and Rooster is back, any coincidence

Roooster
Roooster

In the meantime we will dust off our 5, count 'em, FIVE Superbowl rings and contemplate this...

Suck it.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

We unleashed Skip Bayless upon the world. Miami wins.

Mishon
Mishon

Dallas has all of the fake kergos. Miami wins.

Davy Crockett
Davy Crockett

He'll probably announce it in his third post. Some kind of Grand Finale, I would guess.

Sturm's Bloody Rectum
Sturm's Bloody Rectum

Caostline>LandlockedTheir Cocain, imported from S. AmericaDallas Cocain, from Boyd, cooked in a bathtub.

JMD
JMD

 Dexter is set there but it isn't even filmed there!! They film in Cali. Even they can't stand Miami.

DONTHATEMIAMILOSERS
DONTHATEMIAMILOSERS

WTF does that have to do with basketball??? Nothing. Oh BTW. You lost in '06 to us and Wade is getting ready to kiss his second ring. Hahahaha

Rooster
Rooster

**pats sheik on the head and says, "Now. Now.  Don't be jealous.  Maybe one day if you eat your vegetables you two can have a Stanely Cup ring and  5, count'em, FIVE Superbowl rings"...**

Rooster
Rooster

**wonders if some room should be cleared out in the ring display case to put the Stanley Cup ring beside the 5, count'em, FIVE Superbowl rings...**

sheik yerbouti
sheik yerbouti

So, rooster? Do you dust em off or suck em off? 

Rooster
Rooster

**dusts off 5, count'em, FIVE Superbowl rings and contemplates living in the past....**

cowboymiketex
cowboymiketex

UMmm  Dallas only filmed exteriors here, the rest was in Cali

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