Dear Miami, We Hate You. And Your Sports. Love, Dallas
|Miami has Colin Farrel's lame mustache. We have shirtless Matthew Mcconaughey.|
Same ol', lame-o stuff. Calling us fat and redneck and boasting that "nobody's ever killed a sitting president in Miami." Yawn.
Wait, it also says we're adjacent to a desert. That's a new one, actually. So is referring to the NBA championship as a "national title" and Dirk Nowitzki and the Mavericks as "a shaggy, horse-toothed German and his band of merry pranksters."
Well, allow us to retort.
Last time I checked our state's best baseball team kicked your state's best baseball team's ass: In last year's ALDS and, yep, again last night via Rangers 11, Rays 5.
Yep, there's more ...
3. Your basketball arena is named after American Airlines. Based in Fort Worth. Suck it.
4. Make fun of Dirk and his impressive resume void of a championship again and I'll bring up Dan Marino. Check. Mate.
|Let us all remember how Dan Marino was in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.|
5. More humidity.
6. Face most associated with your city these days: That creepy, dramatic-talking redhead on CSI: Miami.
|Worst. Show. Ever.|
7. Don't think we've forgotten about Miami Sound Machine.
8. Or Elian Gonzalez.
9. Remember the last time the Dolphins won a Super Bowl? Me neither. Oh, wait, it was waaaay back when Don Shula still coached, Richard Nixon was our President and a gallon of gas cost 40 cents.
10. Super Bowl VI. Cowboys 24, Dolphins 3. Ring a bell?
|Roger 'Effin Staubach.|