Charlie Sheen at AAC: My Top 10 Observer-ations


Charllie Sheen.jpg
Not exactly a sellout at Sheen's supposed 8 p.m. kickoff

10. I'm not real good sucky at math, but I'm estimating there were 1,500 people at American Airlines Center last night for Charlie Sheen's "Violent Torpedo of Truth" Tour. The AAC holds 20,000, and no way it was 10 percent full. Sad.

9. Sheen entered late -- at exactly 8:33 -- and through the crowd, high-fiving fans and wearing a basic blue Mavericks warm-up jacket. Surprisingly, Mark Cuban was never mentioned, much less present.

8. I've known and respected 106.1 KISS FM's Kidd Kraddick for years, but his part in the process was shockingly gawdawful. During a sit-down Q&A on the stage, Kraddick simply read random questions from fans off his Facebook and Twitter. Too bad, because Kidd can be an engaging interviewer. But the segment gave us zero insight into Sheen or what the hell he was trying to do via the tour. And on a question about his 9/11 conspiracy thoughts, Kraddick allowed Sheen to basically "no comment." That wasn't violent or truth or anything remotely torpedo-esque. It was just plain weak.

7. After reading a Houston Chronicle review from his previous tour stop, Sheen explained his thick skin thusly: "If you don't have fucking feelings you never get your feelings hurt."

6. Down to one "goddess" in the wake of being dumped by Bree Olson, Sheen had overrated gilfriend Natalie Kenly toss out T-shirts to the crowd.

5. Dumbest moment of the night: Sheen, wearing a CBS -- "Can't Beat Sheen" -- T-shirt, bragged that "I got fired because I told my boss to fuck off." Inexplicably, the crowd cheered. Some stood and cheered. Yeah, 'cuz nobody's gonna pay me $2 million an episode for a TV show and expect me to act civilized! Down with the man!

4. During one segment audience members were allowed on stage to ask Sheen for advice. Failure. Every woman was serenaded by "show your tits!" and the only intriguing question was from a dude who posed "How could I get (Poison guitarist) C.C. DeVille to be my roommate?" Bizarre. Even stranger, Sheen provided no answer to the quandary.

3. I didn't watch HBO's Oz enough to know who Chuck Zito is supposed to be, but I know this: The guy can barely read. When he roasted Sheen via stumbling script it was embarrassing. Not for Sheen. But for literacy. Zito's best line? "Charlie, your liver is probably smaller and blacker than Barry Bonds' nut sack."

2. Funniest moment of the night was a video spoof of Sheen's 20/20 interview on ABC. In the edited version, interviewer Andrea Canning repeatedly asks Sheen a version of "When was the last time you used drugs?" to which Sheen is shown with multiplying cigarettes in his mouth, nose and ears. Finally, Canning's repititive inquiry is answered simply by a giant cigarette smoldering alone in the opposite chair. Giggle.

1. In the final autopsy of Sheen's performance, I pronounce it not particularly funny or entertaining or even crazy. Almost sad. Almost. I talked to some people who hung out with Charlie before and after his show and he's not happy in general or satisfied in specific with the tour. One of my buddies who went backstage for a meet-n-greet said Sheen showered him with "I'm sorry" apologies for the lame event. And what struck me was an unintentionally poignant moment near the end of the show. Camouflaged by his "Warlock" and "Adonis DNA" and "Tiger's Blood" and all the "Winning," Sheen admitted he's currently a -- gasp -- loser. Talking about his past glory, fame and fortune, Sheen sneaked in "But I'm going to get it all back." That's not winning. That's the hope of someday not losing.


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24 comments
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TicketP1
TicketP1

Kidd Kraddick????? Gordon Keith would have asked much better questions and been much funnier. Whoever picked Kraddick blew it,

psych
psych

don't deny kraddick blows, but gordon? boy, it must be really fucking hard for wfaa to cut the cord on that shit...

Facts Jack
Facts Jack

the 5o'clock major station announcement was that despite their "trying to suck less" motto, they actually suck more than ever evidenced by a 1.2 rating.

frystreet
frystreet

What was the announcement on Rage?

Rooster
Rooster

Did anyone hear Bad Radio's sports guitar segment? Brilliance.

P 23547
P 23547

So why does badradio still ask for the same old tired liners when they never replay them? Is it because they are so full of themselves that feel license to needlessly annoy or is it because they are stuck in a suckrut?

psych
psych

you got that straight!!!

Suck It
Suck It

It's because your mom.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

Indeed. The ProFlowers live spot was the greatest commercial ever.

Richie's mailman
Richie's mailman

So.... a couple of you guys actually paid to see that? An then are willing to publicly humiliate yourself by admitting it? At least I bet Richie didn't have to pay.

Evan
Evan

I'd say 50% or more had free tickets. Every person that I spoke to there had freebies. Whatever the attendance was, it wouldn't have broken 1,000 without papering the place like they did.

Nigel
Nigel

I'd rather watch frickin' paint dry!

GreggoNeedsHelp.com
GreggoNeedsHelp.com

when will midgie whitt start his tour in hopes to talk about his short-lived pm drive stint?

he'll tell the meth-head broad he's with, "i was on inside edition once".

Kergo
Kergo

Richie es no LEGEND!

Nigel
Nigel

Hello Ole Chaps......my name is Nigel Threadfare the Third, and I'm from Jolly Ole England. I like ya bloggy wog, it's sure shiny for a comfy Brit! I am reperesenting a Mr. Kergo from Texas, who would like me to post the following transmission:

The Greatest Psychedelic Rock Songs of All Time:

-No Rain/Blind Melon-Mr. Fantasy/Blind Faith-Itchycoo Park/Faces! The great faces! -Strange Brew, World of Pain, Tales of Brave U./Cream-Hurdy Gurdy man/Donovon w/J.Page on guitar-Every Byrds song from 65-67....especially 5D. The Best?-Rain, Walrus/Beatles.....holds up well, would even be popular today.-Oh yeah, also, Tomorrow Never Knows.-Timothy Learys Dead/Moodys-Court of the Crimson King/King Crimson (what a FANTASTIC group)-Yardbirds (65-67)-Zep (68-70)

and the mother of them ALL- WHITE RABBIT/AIRPLANE!

Kergie Out?

The Dude
The Dude

Mr. Fantasy was Traffic.

psych
psych

blind faith.. what a sheen!!

ayyyy!
ayyyy!

very nice......that was traffic, my client got his Winwood groups mixed up. Boy we was great with:SD GroupTrafficBlind Faith...........then a couple of good solo albums, then overproduced crap!

Been47
Been47

we know it's you kergie! what, no recipes? come on. regale us with a "best of"-PLEASE.

Mishon
Mishon

I don't know why Kidd decided this was a good move for him to be involved. He should have known that this was not his crowd.

All of the roast jokes were really good, but would have been better if the guy knew how to read.

Truth Torpedo In Your Butt
Truth Torpedo In Your Butt

I'd estimate there were about 4-5k people there. I agree with the rest of the observations for the most part. The show was extremely lame (as expected); the only really entertaining thing about it was all of the hecklers relentlessly yelling at sheen and Kraddick. Whoever told him to get Kraddick was an absolute moron; ANY "guy" talk host would have been a million times better (Corby, Gordo, Dan, hell even someone from the fan).

Kergo
Kergo

LEGEND!

Nigel
Nigel

My client appreciates this, but Kergo is more more-thank you!

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