St. Patrick's Day/Greenville Avenue Parade/Toadies Concert: My Top 10 Observer-ations

St. Patrick Parade - Booty.jpg
10. The St. Patrick's Day/Greenville Avenue Parade is my favorite day of the year in Dallas. It's the one day our city lets its hair down, drops the materialistic b.s. and has fun, with total disregard to how we may look doing it. For about 12 hours a year, I get tricked into thinking there's hope for us yet. Unfortunately, we now return you to your regularly scheduled Dallas douchebaggery.

9. You want fun? I rode on a float that featured bikini-clad beauties in a hot tub. And somewhere along the way I got hit in the ribs by a Jack in the Box hamburger. So what'd I do? Unwrapped it, took a big bite and threw it back in the crowd, of course. Duh.

8. Best float belonged to the Hare Krishnas. Never gets old.

7. Honestly, I only saw one pair of exposed boobs the entire day. And, most uncomfortably, it was a 40-something woman letting them dangle while standing right next to another lady's 5-year-old-ish kid. Awkward.

6. There were over 100 floats and police estimate 100,000 were along the parade route. And all they desperately wanted was a strand of beads worth five cents.

5. Thanks to Dallas Observer publisher Kevin Thornburg and marketing director Jennifer Robinson for giving me the chance to introduce the Toadies before our post-parade concert at Energy Square. I'm an admitted douchedork, but there was something really cool and empowering about commanding the microphone on stage in front of a screaming crowd of around, what, 5,000? Awesome.

4. Didn't see any fights, which was shocking. I did see a woman who was a bloody mess outside the concert. Apparently hit in the head by a flying beer bottle. But she seemed OK.

3. Most thankless job in the joint were the security guards at the front of the stage. I saw them have beers sprayed on them. Several times they had to reach over the barricades and into the crowd to save people who were being smashed. And I also saw them dodge flying objects such as a shoe and, swear, two cell phones.

St. Patrick Parade - Leprechaun.jpg
2. And for those of you always joking that I'm shorter than a Leprechaun, take that. Wait, dangit! I mean, you're welcome.

1. I've never been a huge Toadies fan, but when they cranked up "Make up your mind ... Decide to walk with me ... Around the lake tonight ... By my side." with the simple-yet-intoxicating guitar riff in the opening of "Possum Kingdom," it gave me chills.


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17 comments
Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

4: Why are you holding a beer like that RW? Hands too small to hold out your pinky?

WENDY PATY ROBERTS
WENDY PATY ROBERTS

Richie-listened to u today on R.A.G.E and St. PATY'S DAY sounded like a blast and now ur in ARIZONA-enjoy ur wk there.Our BF's r there and I told them to find U so if someone from WAXAHACHIE comes ur way PLZ GIVE THEM A DAM T-SHIRT or a HUG-luv ya PATY

Charlie Sheen
Charlie Sheen

"Unwrapped it, took a big bite and threw it back in the crowd, of course. Duh."

Whoa, fella. I suggest you find your own catch phrase. Refrain from using "Duh" again. Got it? #Winning

Davy Crockett
Davy Crockett

I threw the hamburger at you. In my drunken state, I thought you were Rhyner. Thus, thought it was "Time for hamburgers". Toadies were good. They're a lot better in a small venue type setting, like most bands are.

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Brokenshoulder's top 3 observer-ations:

1: Since RW got his new butt hair transplant, he may not be shorter than a leprechaun.2: speaking in front of 5k people should feel like High cotton..considering that's about five times more people than hear your show.3: both the song and the lake, Possum Kingdom are pretty dang awesome.

Big ol bucket of fail
Big ol bucket of fail

Hi, I'm Richie Whitt. I drive an Audi, live in a big brick house in the comfortable suburb of McKinney, and I spend my time playing tennis, and I spend my spare change on whitening my smile and getting hair transplants.

When I'm not doing these things, I mock Dallas for being materialistic.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

Richie, there are some great articles over at Askmen.com about treatment to your complete douchery. Start by reading how to dress your age.

Stevesaxon18
Stevesaxon18

Let's see... A guy in his late 40s (or is it early 50s, Richie?) wearing stressed and ripped jeans (most likely bought in said condition) has the stones to talk about Dallas douchebaggery. Well if that's not the pot calling the kettle black, I don't what is.

Mishon
Mishon

RW, what is up with the holey jeans man? You have 2 jobs, surely you can afford a nice new pair of jeans, right?

Also, I have to agree with you on Possum Kingdom. Not a huge Toadies fan, but I love, love that song.

TheRealDirtyP1
TheRealDirtyP1

I was going to stick up to the people that said you're shorter than a leprechaun....first douchebags.

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Why are you HOLLARING? You're three feet from me...you done with dinner yet? Then how in the HELL do you HAVE time to be on the INTERNET!

TheRealDirtyP1
TheRealDirtyP1

Your sentence is a run-on, I'm mocking you for your composition skills.

I bet RW composed this to make fun of himself while laughing at us. Well played RW, well played indeed.

Mishon
Mishon

I can't believe they put RW on their van. I thought you were always supposed to put your biggest talent on there. Greggo got robbed.

Big ol bucket of fail
Big ol bucket of fail

Hi, I'm Richie Whitt. I like to talk about the girls I've slept with, the stars that I've met, and the stuff that I've bought, and I talk about all of that on my blog where I talk about the cool interviews I've done, the awesome jobs I've had, and the special events I get to attend.

One thing I don't do on my blog is respond to common folks like you.

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