The Dumbest Column in the History of Tim Cowlishaw

Categories: Dallas Cowboys

Cam Newton.jpg
Cowlishaw, surely you jest?
Love me some Tim Cowlishaw of Dallas' Only Daily. Known him and respected him for years, going back to our days as competitive beat writers fighting for morsels about the Dallas Cowboys in the mid-1990s. I annually rank him among the metroplex's 50 Most Powerful People in Sports. Dang, I even root for him on ESPN's Around the Horn.

But when he's wrong, man is he wrong.

Today, for example, Cowlishaw writes that the Dallas Cowboys should seriously consider drafting Auburn quarterback Cam Newton with their first-round pick in April. That's the 9th pick overall, remember. This year.

It's a premise, of course, that is preposterous on so many levels.

I know the Green Bay Packers in 2005 drafted a guy named Aaron Rodgers with Brett Favre still playing quarterback. But the Packers were coming off a 10-6, playoff season in 2004. Set with the present, they could afford to look long-term into the future.

Not Dallas. Not now.

The Cowboys, in case you've forgotten, sucked last season. 6-10. Missed the playoffs. Got their head coach fired. Fresh out of luxuries. Furthermore, they're stable at very few positions, but quarterback is one of them.

While Favre was 35 when Packers' general manager Ted Thompson drafted future Super Bowl MVP Rodgers, Tony Romo is only 31 and still in his prime, if not even still on the upside. When healthy he's a Pro Bowl quarterback. And he's backed up by a proven veteran named Jon Kitna who, behind only Michael Vick, was the best No. 2 quarterback in the NFL season.

As Cowboys coaches head to Indy for this week's scouting combine, they should be looking for immediate, play-right-friggin'-now help at safety. At cornerback. Along the offensive line. Anywhere but quarterback.

For one, I don't think Newton has the passing accuracy to ever be an elite quarterback in the NFL. Secondly, the Cowboys have far more pressing needs.

Either Cowlishaw has absorbed one too many virtual fist bumps from Tony Reali, or else he's just baiting us with a bizarre, extreme opinion in hopes of prompting relevance and feedback and buzz. I hear sports columnists are known to do that from time to time.

Wink. 


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43 comments
moore583
moore583

The Cowboys sucked again this year. Tony Romo has just had back surgery for gods sake and Cam Newton and his team are in the playoffs. Tim was right and you sir were wrong and yes I am looking through my retrospectrascope. The view is perfectly clear.

Titus Groan
Titus Groan

Yes, taking Cam Newton would be a colossally stupid move...which is why Jerry Jones will consider it.

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Just got here, it appears the kergo's have shown up..I knew it was only time. Broken bow and Lake Eufala are about the only things redemptive of the northern Texas territories. I like tales of grub. Although he's completely wrong about Napoli..and the inner fortitude in this years edition of the Redshoe's. That said, there's room round here for fake Kergo as well as Fmr Coppell mayor and any of the legendary wrasslers.

kergo
kergo

While thinkin up suggestions for the fake kergo, who is admittedly funnier, smarter, and less gay than I am, I forgot a suggestion for myself:

A self-inflicted trip to dead and gone.

Just kidding. I would never do everyone such a favor. Unless that favor was sucking their sweet man potatoes with miracle whip.

Romos broken shoulder likes thisRob m sucks! likes this

kergo
kergo

The fake kergo is such a douche. The real kergo is a thinker. He thinks up the same damn insults every time.

"Looks like mama/school/prison/walmart let you use the internets"

Next kergo moves to his genius food and lake refernces.

"This weekend I'm gonna take the boat up to lake texoma but not crappy lake lewisville. I'm gonna pour sugar, flour, starch, and an egg on a hairy dude's asshole and eat it"

Then I finish by complaining that every sport is lame/meh/a whipping and then bore everyone to tears with my dumbass baseball opinion.

Then I thank the maker that I get to be a white dude in an affluent suburb where I can suck a fat one dry in the privacy of my own home.

Wait, did I switch from third to first person? I guess talkin about the wang just worked me up too much.

Do you think richie was winkin at me at the end of this article? Boy I hope so.

kergo
kergo

Dear Fake Kergo, Nothing? Hmmmm? No funny jokes about wedding cakes or gay stuff? Or hey, what's funnier than abuse?

Must be lights out at the prison? Hmmmmm?

Well, atleast they won't confuse us. YOU CAN"T DO WHAT I DO! I'm the Kerg's

He he!

kergo
kergo

Damn I'm really upset about this fake kergo. Why is he making fun of me? I'm cool. I talk about recipes and lakes and romos broken shoulder always clicks that he likes my comment.

I'm awesome. Its ridiculous that because i like to play the girl in bed that someone is abusing me like this.

Of course deep down inside I like the abuse.

Deep down inside my butt.

kergo
kergo

Headed to my favorite body of water tomorrow. That's right a nice shower at an apartment in oak lawn.

Let me tell you something. Butter, pepper, a dash of cinamon, squirt some lenon on there, heat up some honey and pour in on there, and eat that man meat and meat balls all the way down to the juicy filling

kergo
kergo

Does anyone know how to get nut sauce out of a beard? I have the especially girly talent of cooking and a beefy stud walked up to me while I was in my apron and he served sausage in my especially girly mouth.

I need to get cleaned up before anyone sees the evidence ofride to sodom.

kergo
kergo

I'm not even gonna flag the guy that is the "fake" kergo, his mom's will be whippin' dat ace soon. Serial killer?

BTW, thinking about heading to Turner Falls in the next few weeks and making that whole canyon reek like an Italian Restaurant. Trick is, don't burn the garlic, just brown it; then add fresh herbs, white wine, fat free butter, penne pasta, smoked shrimp.

Last year I snuck into the canyon for the first time in 100 attempts/20 years-success!

kergo
kergo

Omg you should see my face. I look like took a catered wedding cake to the face. Boy do I love that white topping

kergo
kergo

I put on my apron like a girl last night, bent over the counter, and wow did I get plowed through

My shit is just flying out today. I better get me some diapers

kergo
kergo

This story is MEH. I drove out to Caddo Lake yesterday........so nice to be around the pines, the fresh air! So great to not be bound by technology-shut the frickin' phone off.

Brent D.
Brent D.

I don't think Romo in his prime has been all that much to be proud of.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

I'm guessing it's conveniently behind the pay wall, and he was probably very strongly "encouraged" by higher-ups to do a view-baiting column. They must've realized JJT's view- (and race-) baiting columns still suck and there's no way people would pay to see his drivel.

At least we don't have to pay to read your dumb opinions, Richie. But you're (mostly) right. I personally think Cam will be a pretty solid NFL QB, based on no real expertise on my part. I also think you're wrong about Romo still being on an upswing, and rather has peaked. But still, this team has much more pressing needs than a new starting QB in the next 3 or 4 years.

Rooster
Rooster

He's had dumber columns. There's been a couple over the last few decades that actually made me want to ask him how much he had to drink when wrote that column. This wasn't one of them.

The idea would have some merit (mainly because I don't think it would hurt Romo's game for him to actually have a guy bucking for his job one day), if we weren't so desperate in so many other places.

kergo
kergo

Dear Fake Kergo, Wow, you know everything I write, and all of my references! Closet Kergo fan? Jealous? I count you as one of my fans. Funny thing is, you brought up stuff I haven't pointed to in months. Hmmmmmmm.

This is what the Kerg's suggests:-Dinner at Campisi's-A trip to Broken Bow Lake-Reading-A meaniful relationship-Higher education, like, for you, trade school...you know, fixin' radiators or fences.

Richie Whitt
Richie Whitt

Well, we had a good run without the comments going to the dark. What just happened in here?

Rob M
Rob M

altleast he's graduated from the third grade.

kergo
kergo

Allright buddy, you are staring to get there. To post as Kergo you must do the following:

Don't:-make fun of any groups (rednecks and yuppies excluded) racist and gay jokes are too easy....go to the well, make someone laugh. Be reasonable.-use curse words, it shows poor taste-if you use recipes, make sure they are inviting

Ideas:-try to think a bit, be descriptive-use color to paint a story-try to include funny story you have lived ala Hunter S. Thompson-include stories of the road, people relate to them-like me, you want to be the voice of reason!-question everything.

Finally, learn to write and explain yourself on more than a third grade level, you flaccid turd! Mom's must love that wit, and cunning style, like a bowl of cold jelly. See, you can't do that! Welp, Kergie out until next week.

A Poem:

Posers hate, posers hatefroggies jumpyou ain't nuttin' (yeah, yea)but a security guard at the dump

BTW, Rangers are good for only 85 wins unless the Dutch Oven produces, or BWebb.

Additional Notes:Ok, we get it with the weddings, gay stuff and cake references...you got anything else? Hmmmm?

kergo
kergo

Oh brother...atleast I was creative with "fake scott".

Rob M sucks!
Rob M sucks!

more stories of woods, being free, turning off.

Richie Whitt
Richie Whitt

One playoff win. True that. But still, don't we think he's a good quarterback?

kergo
kergo

TR is slowly turning into the Danny White of this era, except, DW had more success!

kergo
kergo

gil brandt hasn't been lucid since 1999.

Bill Lumbergh
Bill Lumbergh

Indeed, the Cowboys need too much in too many other positions.

It would definitely be worthwhile to get another QB who could seriously challenge Romo (Kitna does not count, no matter what he did last year) long term, but it would need to be 7th round or look at guys that went undrafted. And at that point you're counting on luck.

Richie Whitt
Richie Whitt

even more prehistoric, i still take the actual paper. in my driveway every morning.

kergo
kergo

Boy howdy is that the truth! I had to call them and tell them to quit throwing the free paper. The only thing worse than DMN is the Plano Profile...utter gutter trash used to fulfill yuppies dreams.

Ron H.
Ron H.

keep building the legend.

kergo
kergo

Sorry? I admit my part of the thing going south, but, I fight sh$t, because it stinks and if it backs up, it's messy and costs alot of mullah. Sorry John Wylie Price, also?All I can do is start over again tomorrow. Hey, since we have gone clean, I have really tried my best to tow the line, but, sometimes the wagon hits a bump. Atleast you all haven't had to endure my 30 "fake scott" posts a day, or "Coulton the MMA Doucher", or my other assorted "fake" posts. All I can do is try.

ps-it WAS really fun last summer watching chaos ensue.

kergo
kergo

Nah, no worries, this sonnofabitch grinds to a halt when nothing is going on......it's about this time I switch to City of Ate and piss the yuppies and food snobs off.

kergo
kergo

Richie, He's good, thats the point....he ain't great! Doesn't this town, and America desrve great?

luniz
luniz

So was Aaron Rodgers a failure for not winning a SB until this year?

kergo
kergo

I leave Kristy Yang alone because she used topost funny stuff here, but, that story on lounges was ummmm, meh, meh, meh.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

is Kristy Yang one of your targets? Her blog on AA Admirals lounges was written like someone who hadnt been inside one in 5 years

Kergo
Kergo

Not a failure, but, come on man, how much time does he need? I love Romo, he is my link to this team, otherwise I couldn't give two S's about this thing......he needs to produce a winner-now. You think in New York the Yanks are worried about Phil or Joba's feelings as they are stuck in second place? Man up, Buck up, are you going to be Fran Tarkenton or Steve Young. Will this thing!

ps-People forget that DW even played here, probably associate him more with the Arizona Turds, so, what are people going to think about TR, given his body of work?Word?

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