TCU Finally Shuts Up the Big Ten Buffoons

Categories: TCU

TCU Tank Carder.jpg
So a bunch of us are sitting around on New Year's Day laughing at the empty seats at the Ticket City Bowl, gulping venison chili and combating our headaches with straight up hair o' the dawg. Suddenly, invited to our football-watching gala by a mutual friend, the Big Ten Buffoons show up.

They're big. They're buzzcut. They're burly. They're, well, buffoonish. Picture a group of Steve Dennises, all wearing - for some reason - camou.

The three guys yell "Today the Big Ten owns it!" and other similarly random and irritating shit. To us Texans and our buddy from Alabama, this provides not only more cranial pain but - more important - a delicious wagering opportunity.

The Big Ten Buffoons, as if we didn't know, remind us that their sacred conference littered with slow, beefy, plodding white players has five teams in action. After some good-natured ribbing back and forth, the poop ricochets off the oscillating wind machine:

"Care to put your money where your mouth is?" asks the lead Big Ten Buffoon.

"Never," I retort, "thought you'd ask."

And with that, numerous wagers were placed on the five games. At this point in the story I'd like to inform you that next time we're out, drinks are on me.

Texas Tech 45, Northwestern 38.

Alabama 49, Michigan State 7

Florida 37, Penn State 24

Mississippi State 52, Michigan 14

And as if 0-4 by an aggregate 183-83 weren't enough proof, the Big Ten Buffoons got Buffoonier.

"Badjehs!" Dennis' DNA double exclaims about Wisconsin. "Double or nothing!"

And with - I kid you not - a combined $4,500 at stake, the Buffoons learn another hard lesson that they somehow never quite learn: Speed. Kills.

"'Consin's gonna blow this tiny school out into the Pacific!" screams a stubborn Buffoon. "TCU hasn't played anybody!!"

Of course Wisconsin indeed piled up impressive rushing totals against TCU in the Rose Bowl. But yet again, it didn't matter. If the bowl season were one of those World's Strongest Man competitions where you have to flip the 250-pound tire end over end for 40 yards then yeah, I'm taking the Big Ten.

But if it's college football, no thanks. I'm taking the field. Big Ten teams are built for weather, not warp. Every offense worth a damn beats them with a little thing called the forward, downfield pass and by forcing their defenders to attempt to make one-on-one plays in the open field.

TCU took big, bad Wisconsin's best shot and simply made - courtesy of linebacker Tank Carder - one more play than the Badjehs. Frogs 21, Frauds 19.

I had a guy on the radio before vacation absolutely serious that Wisconsin would "ram 40 points up TCU's ass." I reminded him that TCU's defense was fast, and damn good. Probably won't hear from that guy today, or this week. Likewise, we won't hear a peep from Ohio State's preposterous prez E. Gordon Gee, he of calling non-BCS conference teams the "little sisters of the poor." To their credit, the Big Ten Buffoons did make payment arrangements to the winners.

I know Oregon-Auburn and the crystal football is still a week away, but somehow I feel as if the college bowl season has already climaxed. Not exactly certain that TCU is the best team in the country, but I'm real sure which conference is the worst.

Right, Buffoons?

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17 comments
fitzgerald
fitzgerald

I am so glad that TCU took down Wisconsin. TCU was the best college team in Texas in 2010. Perhaps they will do it again. However, and not to pour any water on the victory fire, had Wisconsin had another shot at scoring with about 2 minutes left, their running game was getting big chunk of yards. The TCU defense was gassed. Nevertheless, hooray for TCU and screw the Badgers.

Rotten_arsenal
Rotten_arsenal

Just curious, but why the hell is "Doak Walker" a tag? An SMU player that has nothing to do with the story? Do you tag "Joe Theismann" in stories about the Dallas Cowboys?

Peter
Peter

Loved this article...been thinking it, just somebody needed to say it. Thanks Richie.

Steve
Steve

Jesus fucking Christ, what is this, the TCJC student paper?

Wrt73
Wrt73

I don't see what the big deal is.

TCU didn't do anything that hasn't done before. Boise State did the same thing to OU a few years ago. In fact, TCU was ranked higher than Wisconsin. This was not an upset. Besides, it was the Ohio State President who called out TCU, not Wisonsin. Wisconsin appears to actually have class.

And Big Ten schools getting throttled? That's not a first either. The Big Ten has a trend of playting poorly in bowl games ever since the pass interference call gave O$U the mythical national champtionship. This should not come as a surprise either. If you look at national recruiting rankings, "warm weather" schools have been dominating blue chip recruiting (as well as US population tends).

All in all, congratulations to TCU for an amazing season. I feel a #3 ranking is excalty what they deserve given their schedule strength.

TheRealDirtyP1
TheRealDirtyP1

it was even more gratifying seeing Nebraska go out as a loser. I wish epic fail on the Big 10(12). They showed nothing in the bowls other than their games against each other are good.(sounds like the Big 12 kinda)

Gary
Gary

Anyone else remember when Greggo used to regularly bash Gary Patterson? Think he'll own up to it?

Big10(12)fail
Big10(12)fail

Very nice, Ritchie, I love piling on the Big Ten, especially after their power play this summer. However you failed to mention their officiating crews and their complete hypocrisy in calling unsportsmanlike penalties against K-State and not against Tennessee's throat slashing, saluting, losing QB. Conspiracy theory start: Big Ten officials making that call against a Big 12 team for Syracuse a possible new Big Ten team? Now let's hope LSU undresses the award selling, free tattoo gettin', next season's suspensions, and now just released Pryor's car borrowing from the dealership (can you say Maurice Clarett) cheatin' THE Ohio State Buckeyes.

ThongNCheese
ThongNCheese

TCU sure as hell impressed me. I wonder if Greggo fell off the wagon while celebrating the win....we can only hope because that would make for radio gold!

just thinkin'
just thinkin'

Living in the greatness that is Tarrant County, I'm ashamed to admit that I've noticed TCU in passing, nothing more than a series or two in most games. I was VERY impressed in the defensive effort they put forth. Wisconsin came in to the Rose as the offense that was most impressive down the regular season stretch and TCU just put the clamps down. I was happy for the purple clad nation and it was exciting to see Patterson's bunch do their thing. TCU proves that the recriuting hype and rankings mean little. Their merry band of two and three star recruits can play with anybody.

Judge_Softy
Judge_Softy

I would have taken the "little sisters of the poor" comment more seriously had it been uttered by G. Gordon Liddy. Pretty sure E. Gordon Gee has never proven his loyalty to the BCS by holding his hand over an open flame.

David Swinney
David Swinney

In fact, Gordon Gee DID issue a peep. Two days ago. Here's what he said on Saturday evening, courtesy of the New York Times' Pete Thamel ( http://ow.ly/3xrGk ):

"I’m going to New Orleans tomorrow, and Antoine’s is a great restaurant there,” Gee said. “I think they serve crow, and I’ll be eating my portion of that. T.C.U. played a great game, and they deserved to be recognized for that. Obviously T.C.U. is a great ball team.”

It doesn't undo the original remark nor change the over-arching attitudes of the BCS toward a school like TCU, but at least he acknowledged TCU's accomplishment.

Monitor
Monitor

Watch your mouth Steve.

Geriatricus
Geriatricus

Wisconsin appears to have class? I was at the game as a TCU fan and during the first quarter about 15,000 of them were shouting "FU*K YOU, TCU!" over and over. Not to mention their student body was overtly rude and immature...doing Wisconsin cheers during the national anthem. I was not impressed.

Beisthen
Beisthen

Wisconsin went for 2 against Minnesota with a 25-point lead. Class? Your definition is quite different than mine.

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Pryor=Ou's qb a couple of years ago..Stoops probably taught OSU how to "procure" nice rides for qb's 101

Parker County Sucks
Parker County Sucks

Once again, " the shoulder" shows how clueless he is about college football. Actually, Pryor = UT's QB this year!. NWAF!

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