Whitt's End: 7.24.09

Categories: Whitt's End

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Whether you're at the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt's End:

*Once upon a time Walter Cronkite was the "most trusted man in America." His death got me wondering who wears that crown today? The answer hurts: Oprah.

*Sure smells like the Dallas Mavericks - who lost Marcin Gortat at the altar - are going to start the 2009-10 season with Erick Dampier jumping center. Can we possibly take them seriously?

*On consecutive nights at Rangers Ballpark, the Red Sox bats were absolutely smothered by Tommy Hunter, Dustin Nippert and Doug Mathis. How delicious was it to hear all those bandwagon Boston fans muted? Against Boston and Anaheim this season, the Rangers are a salty 12-3.

*I hear all the Obama critics haters crying "socialism" in the wake of his healthcare reform plan. Couple three things: 1. I've seen Sicko. 2. I have lots of friends from England who laugh at our system. 3. I know guys who work a second job just for the benefits because they can't afford doctor visits. That shit ain't right.

*"Birthers"? You're kidding, right? I weep for this country.

*You know what I don't get: People who take their kids - I'm talking 2- and 3-year-olds - to Las Vegas. You don't see packs of nearly-naked drunk girls in Chuck E. Cheese, do you?

*Though he has his own poodle crate in his own poodle room, my wife's irritating little ass of a poodle dog has a habit of sneaking into our room in the middle of the night. Couple times this week I woke up in the pitch dark to the sound of his poodle tag jing-jang-jangling. Bastard. Know what I'm gonna do? Next time he's taking a poodle nap at 3 in the afternoon I'm going creep up behind him, lift his poodle ear and rattle my keys like hell. That's what I'm gonna do all right.

*Cowboys' pre-season TV telecasts will include Brad Sham, Babe Laufenberg and Daryl Johnston. They will also include a TV/Radio simulcast. Interesting.

*Hot.

*Not.

*Dumbest thing I've heard this summer is Nike trying to prevent the release of the video of a summer camper dunking on LeBron James. I once saw John Starks throw down on Michael Jordan, and he's still the greatest. Seriously, unless the kid is in a wheelchair or is named Shawn Bradley, what's the big deal? As for the dunk, as expected, it's more hype than holy cow.

*Think we really walked on the moon 40 years ago? Yeah, me too. But seems really stupid to go back, right?

*My latest dream: I'm tiny, like only as big as piece of lint. And as the camera pulls back I'm on an old vinyl record, running for my life as the turntable tries to suck me in toward death by the needle. Thankfully, I always wake up.

*Ben Roethlisberger's accuser - who's full of it, by the way - isn't that hot. (Sssssh, don't wake the baby.)

*Candice Crawford - Channel 33's new-ish reporter - is hottt. Time to update this list. Any other newcomers I might have missed?

*I'm in the market for a new car. I love convertibles but I don't wanna look like a 45-year-old indulging a mid-life crisis. Suggestions?

*Saw Charles Barkley literally swinging with one hand (his left, no less) in last Sunday's celebrity golf tournament. The good news: He wasn't h-h-h-hitching. The bad news: Hank Haney just threw up.

*Taking a writing and radio respite this weekend before heading off Monday for two weeks of Cowboys' training camp in San Antonio. For those bored at work, I'll be on 105.3 The Fan Monday 10 a.m.-2 p.m. and I'll start blogging from camp on Tuesday. Peace be with you.


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