Whitt's End: 6.19.09
*If you saw the abortion that was Joe Buck Live on HBO Monday night, know this: It could have been much worse. How's that? Guess who Buck begged and pleaded to have on his virginal voyage? That's right, Tony Romo. Give Romo credit, he turned down the invite because the Cowboys had a minicamp this week. If you missed it, Howard Stern (very unfunny) comedian Artie Lange hijacked/sabotaged Buck 's debut with a flurry of F-bombs and personal attacks of the host. And, at one point, Lange went off on the tired, old "Tony Homo" rant.
*Still, I don't get it. HBO bleeped out Lange's colorful language. Just three night prior I saw Bill Maher tell Larry King to "shut the fuck up."
*Speaking of HBO, two giant thumbs up to True Blood. If you're bored with been-there-done-that sitcoms and choreographed reality shows, you'll find its darkness creative, refreshing and alluring.
*Saw where Cotton Bowl officials are again promising to host another bowl game in the wake of its namesake game heading to Arlington. Yeah, right. Still waiting for that $50 million facelift to begat something more than an elaborate prop for Michael Irvin's Fourth and Long. Meanwhile Dallas, congrats, Frisco is now a bigger sports hub. After landing a new D-League franchise owned by Mavs' GM Donnie Nelson, the ballsy 'burb now has connections to the MLS (FC Dallas), MLB (RoughRiders), NHL (Star Center) and NBA.
*While the Rangers continue fooling themselves by thinking they can be a legit playoff contender with a first baseman - shouldn't that be Kris Davis, with a K? - that hits .200, here's a sobering thought: The San Diego Padres have baseball's home-run leader. Goes by the name of Adrian Gonzalez. Ring a bell? Dammit.
*Something ain't right. Dante Stallworth gets 30 days for DUI manslaughter, but the penalty for Dwayne Goodrich running down three people and leaving the scene while sober is 12 years?
*Not sure if this is Pitbull signing "Calle Ocho" or vice-versa, but I am absolutely certain it's already the most annoying song of Summer '09. Was killing time waiting at the airport last night so just for fun I counted: The song - in English, then in Spanish - counts to four a total of nine times.
*Happy Father's Day. What do I want? Just this. Doable?
*We've seen Bump Wills, Ken Norton Jr., Brett Hull and Bobby Bonds around these parts, but as Father-Son duos with both excelling in Dallas, I guess it's the Von Erichs. Right?
*Speaking of fathers, guess who wants to be a single dad? Yep, Dirk Nowitzki.
*"Coach Joe" is the lamest nickname in the history of nicknames.
*When people give us a big compliment or a grandiose award, why do we pretend it's "humbling"? Honestly, isn't it gratifying? Stimulating? Empowering? To me, humbling is getting beat at chess by your 12-year-old.
*When I die, I want to be reincarnated as one of those nearly naked models on a Calvin Klein billboard. What I'll probably be instead: Urinal cake.
*Saw Land of the Lost while on vacation. Couple of chuckles. As you expect, Will Farrell takes his shirt off at one point and at another acts crazy after being bitten by a bug. But my main takeaway was how pitifully harmless the Sleestacks were/are. They just walk around. In slow motion. Hissing. My idea for the worst, longest movie ever: Sleestacks vs. Zombies. Seven hours and not a single human harmed.
*Another example of why soccer struggles in this country: At one point this season the MLS' L.A. Galaxy had a record of 2-1-9. That means 75 percent of their games had no winner. Riveting.
*More useless on your plate: Parsley or Honeydew melon?
*For you bored masochists, I'll be back in my regular seat on 105.3 The Fan Saturday 4-7 p.m. and Sunday 7-11 a.m. Consider yourselves warned.