What's In My Closet: Humans 1, Squirrels 0

By Richie Whitt Tue., May 26 2009 at 12:00 PM

Categories: Man v. Animal

So, it is possible to build a better mouse trap.

One fit for a squirrel.

Holes in my roof. Christmas trees gnawed to shreds. Urine, feces and middle-of-the-night scratching, clawing and general infestation. Well played, rats with a furry tails. Well played.

But now ... allow me to retort.

Game on.

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Tiger is not being persecuted for being a man. Tiger is simply being exposed due to the actions that he brought on all by HIMSELF. He is being exposed as a complete fraud. The whole Mr. Nice Guy, family loving my wife and children stuff was a complete lie. The international world and especially American public are offended. Worst still, Mr. Family Man Tiger has totally exposed his wife and children to sexually transmitted diseases including HIV-AIDS. If Tiger hadn't been caught he would have continued with his contamination. Tiger has nailed himself on the cross--not the public.
This is an epic article, I'll be adding this site to my morning routine :D
Just for good measure you should have put that son of a bitch's head under your front tire and backed over it while in that Jethro trap you've got there. Wait....is that a little too harsh? Sincerely, "F" PETA
You and Craig Miller are anti-squirrelites.
Who would you rather be that Squirrel or Greg Ellis' career. Im guessing both are pretty much...DEAD!
Poor Squirrel.
@Richie: I saw that, but since then, the Rangers swept Houston, then played the Yankees in front of a sellout crowd with the best record in the league. They folded like a tent, but it's still kinda notable. Not to mention that they're beginning a make-or-break stretch that includes games against New York, Boston, Toronto and the Dodgers. I'd expect less Rangers coverage if they fail over the next three weeks and are out of contention by mid-July. But like it or not, they're the top story right now, after the Cowboys, of course. I'd expect more from someone who thinks sportswriting is dead if you're old and grumpy. Or maybe it's just the old and grumpy sports fans around here who give a rip about baseball.
You need to hang this body out on the edge of the roof (where it comes down to the house) so the other squirrels will see it and know not to mess with you.
@Tom: It was just last Thursday. http://blogs.dallasobserver.com/sportatorium/2009/05/downtrodden_in_detroit.php
Um, are you gonna write about the Rangers anytime soon, or have you just decided to let Evan Grant cover them in blog form?