Dallas Sports Blog

Would the Bird Man make a good Wing Man?

So you're having a beer at your favorite watering hole. Next thing you know, zombies.

Through the door. Crashing in the windows. Falling from the ceiling. Purgatory-confined, blood-thirsty zombies. Everywhere.

This hasn't happened to me in a while, but when it does I want an athlete to be my bodyguard. A big, scary, tattooed, pierced, fearless dude that has a chance to fight off the zombies and keep me from, ya know, being a dead man's dinner.

But who?

Couple of the Denver Thuggets have "the look", but I wonder if The Bird Man would make a good Wing Man? Nawwww, too skinny.

When the zombies attack, the guy I want at my side is ... 

10. Mike Tyson - Considering his loose screws, the hunted might turn hunter.

9. Dennis Rodman - Serious concern about him leaving his post to organize a zombie orgy.

8. Sean Avery - Only human capable of agitating zombies.

6. Leonard Davis - If he can pull a horse out of the mud, surely he can tear a zombie limb from limb.

5. Rosie O'Donnell - Even zombies would be repulsed.

4. Brock Lesnar - Outlaw biting and I like his chances of forcing every zombie to tap out.

3. Ray Lewis - Stupid pre-game dance might confuse zombies, and I know he's not afraid to get his hands, um, dirty.

2. Wade Philips - As my last line of defense, zombies could feed on his ample carcass for days.

1. Ed "Too Tall" Jones - Ferociously aggressive, 6-foot-9 and once a professional boxer.

I suppose you think your zombie bodyguard can beat up my zombie bodyguard?