Richie Whitt: Unplugged, Unmasked and Universally Apologetic
Over the past 11 months on this blog I've spewed forth a plethora of radical opinions, most of which this morning I'd like to officially denounce. I admit, most of them didn't come from my heart, but only my warped and perverted head.
In short, The Sportatorium is one big contrived, fabricated attempt to attract attention, prompt reaction and cash a paycheck. I don't really believe what I write, nor do I write what I believe.
For not being genuine in my philosophy or presentation, I am ashamed.
This hit me hard last night, after a day in which I posted my supposed discontent with women's college basketball. Truth be told, I watched every second of Oklahoma's pulsating victory over Purdue and was thoroughly entertained. After watching it - enjoying it - in the hours after criticizing the sport, I felt guilty. I felt dirty.
It's time to come clean ...
*Truth be told, you guys were right. I so wanted a job at 1310 The Ticket that I've committed most of the last year trying my damndest to tear that station down. Jealousy, turns out, is a powerful drug.
*I'm a P1 who listens to The Ticket at least 8 hours a day. Becuase, honestly, I don't have that many friends and I need to feel a part of something.
*And, yep, I'm merely guessing/hoping that 105.3 The Fan becomes the official station of the Dallas Cowboys. To give legitimacy and credibility to my weekend hobby and The Ticket's enemy. But honestly, I have no clue where America's Team will wind up.
*I totally cheated on The Master Cleanse. Went for 2 1/2 days without food, but then it just got too hard. I had to eat, are you crazy?! By then I was already committed. I would've been too embarrassed to admit it in print, so I just made the rest up. Sorry.
*I don't believe Terrell Owens deserves most of the blame for last year's Cowboys' implosion. And actually, I never thought they should've been Super Bowl favorites to begin with.
*Baseball is the first sport I ever played, and it will always remain my last love.
*I love farting, but I hate burping. I know, weird. But true.
*When no one's looking, I watch American Idol and Dancing With The Stars.
*I don't believe the Mavericks have any chance whatsoever of winning a playoff series, much less two.
*I think Jon Stewart is a nimrod. Overrated. Not funny. Boring.
*I feel really slimy for recently breaking bad news about Russ Martin and Terry Glenn, because they're basically good guys who deserve better. In these cases? Yes, kill the messenger.
*I like to play contrarian but who am I kidding? In my most private euphoria it's a juicy steak, a cold beer and country music.
*I say I hate sideline reporters, but every time they come on I'm glued to the TV.
*I think the Dallas Desire and its scantily-clad "players" is a disgusting exploitation of women. Seriously. But when I write about them, my site's "hits" skyrocket. So, for the greater good, I'll probably actually cover a game this summer.
*I'm not offended by photos of beautiful women, but nor am I obsessed with them. Again, I bow to the theory of supply of demand.
*I voted for John McCain and I still respect Sarah Palin. The liberal left thing fuels me on this blog, but in my personal life "God, Guns and The Flag" resonates within my soul. I was raised a Southern Baptist in the Bible Belt for crying out loud. Duh.
*I think GEICO's TV commercial with a caveman playing Billie Jean King in tennis is genius. If you don't get it, you're an idiot.
*Despite the fact that there are more stars in the sky than there are grains of sand on the Earth, I'm faithfully convinced God created our universe and selected us as the one and only species of human life. We're just "chosen", that's all.
*To that end, despite our current economic Armageddon, I think pumping billions into space exploration is a prudent strategy. Sure, we could stop searching for a droplet of water on Mars and instead feed our planet for five years, but in the long run it wouldn't be worth it.
*I have zero intentions of actually running the White Rock Marathon in December.
*I'm actually intimidated by the strength and stamina - the athleticism - of NASCAR drivers. I realize now that my zealous attacks to discredit them is just an attempt to mask my own insecurity.
*I can shrug off affronts to my career working for a "free" paper because, well, you'd be shocked at my salary. Not to brag, but ...
*I have two closets. But they're generally pretty clean and organized. Again, just a make-believe prop. A pretend portal to sucker you into thinking this blog is somehow unique and, therefore, worthwhile.
*Oh, and one last admission:
I AM NOT IN ANY WAY CONVINCED THAT TODAY IS IN FACT APRIL 1.