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Weekend Planner: Get Our Yer Rotten Fruit

Fri Sep 05 2008, at 02:30:39 PM
This photo just slays 'em. Slays 'em I tell ya.

Couple of, um, interesting(?) goings-on this weekend involving names near and somewhat dear to our lil’ corner of the blogosphere:

FRIDAY: Does the name Greg Williams clang a wind chime? I hear that ol’ Hammer – whose new show debuts Monday night on ESPN Radio – will have an in-depth, re-entry interview with Randy Galloway at 5 p.m. Probably nothing more than the audio version of this ditty, but should be intriguing nonetheless.

SATURDAY: Details are sketchy and confusingly trickling from a blog not named Unfair Park, but it appears our own Robert Wilonsky will host some sort of music/movies show Saturday morning/night on The Ticket. If so, the official unveiling is sure to be unveiled right here at some point in the very near future. I’d call Robert myself for the scoop but, alas, I have a frenzied case of the Fridays. Tra-la-la.

SUNDAY: Can’t believe I’m typing this, but if you want to hear me squawk about sports and football and mix in a corny joke or two, well, it’ll cost you $10. Actually, you’ll get all the lox and bagels you can hoard as well when I guest-speak at the Congregation Beth Torah Men’s Club at 9:30 a.m.-ish. Heckling, thank goodness, is free. -- Richie Whitt

Category: From the Home Office in Dallas, Texas
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This Just In: Dallas’ Need for Cialis to Plunge Next Month

Fri Sep 05 2008, at 12:00:24 PM
In a parallel universe, this photo is of me with some groupie chick.

Big news from my wife over Labor Day: This guy has supplanted this guy atop her “list.”

Alas, my rankings are unchanged. Anna Kournikova, feeble tennis resume be damned, remains the undisputed defending champion.

Which is great news, considering that Kournikova is coming to Dallas – SMU to be exact – next month.

Category: Tennis
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You Betcha: Week 2

Fri Sep 05 2008, at 08:00:54 AM

After correctly predicting SMU’s pratfall at Rice, I'm faced with two options:

1. Quit while I’m ahead.

2. Continue amassing my fortune.

Since I have, you could say, a small “problem” with integrating No. 1 into my life, let’s give No. 2 a spin shall we?

The Cowboys on Sunday begin what we all believe – what we all demand – to be a Super Bowl season. The Sporting News and Sports Illustrated picked them to get to XLIII and this week’s ESPN power rankings have them No. 3.

Still, I'm iffy about giving up 6 points on the road in an NFL opener. I do like – actually, it’s fair to call it love – the Cowboys and Browns combining for at least 50 points.

Category: You Betcha
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Political Football

Thu Sep 04 2008, at 03:00:53 PM

Not to get too politicky on you today, but a couple people have breathlessly asked me, “Didja see Palin’s speech?!”

In a word, notevenonesecond.

But I did watch Venus vs. Serena and Rafael Nadal outlast Mardy Fish at the U.S. Open. Why?

Because I’m more than a tad skeptical that American politics isn’t actually about “Country First” or “Time For a Change.” Who are we kidding? It’s about nothing more than winning. The game plan: Say what you say and nominate who you nominate not for the good of the US of A, but for the ultimate goal of getting in power and staying there.

Category: Caution: Political Talk
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Do Not Read This If Your Name is Adam “Pacman” Jones

Thu Sep 04 2008, at 12:30:45 PM
So many directions I could've gone with this photo. But, lookie here, I took the high road. For once.

I know Cowboys’ born-again cornerback/returner Pacman Jones has – at least temporarily – sworn off topless clubs. But the news from Las Vegas may make him re-think his vow of relative celibacy.

The Lodge, located just a couple punts from Texas Stadium, has been named the best gentlemen’s club in America. The joint won the prestigious “Best Overall Club” award for 2008 at last week’s Gentlemen’s Club Owners Expo at the Hard Rock Casino and Hotel in Vegas.

Category: Alternative, um, Entertainment
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Trick or WTF?

Thu Sep 04 2008, at 10:30:52 AM

I snapped this pic at my friendly Tom Thumb last night.

It is 57 days until Halloween. The Cowboys, who don't get started for another three days, will have played half their season by then.

Look, I embrace vampires and witches and the dark side in general. But seriously, trick-or-treating needs a two-month ramp-up? -- Richie Whitt

Category: 'Tis the Season
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Hard Knocks: Week 5

Thu Sep 04 2008, at 08:00:37 AM
In the final analysis, no, actually, it wasn't that great. Interesting, but not great.

HBO’s Hard Knocks is over. Which means the season is beginning.

After a five-week series that showed that – surprise! – two of the Cowboys’ leaders are Terrell Owens and Tank Johnson, we no longer have to be tricked into caring about Keon Lattimore or Todd Lowber. The show that commenced with T.O. running on the beach and, honestly, never found enough intriguing story lines, last night climaxed with him saying “People, getcha popcorn ready.”

The five best moments from last night’s Hard Knocks: Week 5. Or did I miss something?

5. After an inconsistent-yet-entertaining training camp in which he, at times, defiantly battled tight ends coach John Garrett, second-round draft choice Martellus Bennett finally got the official seal of approval. Asked by owner Jerry Jones if Bennett could be trusted in Sunday’s opener against the Cleveland Browns, offensive coordinator Jason Garrett answered, “Absolutely.”

4. As he did in an earlier episode, DeMarcus Ware won me over while playing with and singing to his adopted daughter, Marley. Nothing like a little “Knees, Shoulders, Toes” to get you amped for football season.

3. Owens, who lives in the same Dallas condo tower as his piano-playing neighbor Marion Barber -- ring a bell? -- has four clocks, one for his hometown (Alexander City, Ala.) and three for his NFL teams (San Francisco, Philadelphia and Dallas). Interestingly, he also has a sign at his front door that reads “Please remove your shoes. Yes, that includes YOU. Help yourself to some socks.” T.O.’s place either doubles as a Japanese restaurant or he’s one of the world’s neatest freaks. Either way, bizarre.

2. Yes the cameras were rolling when Pacman Jones – all decked out in Ed Hardy gear and walking through a parking lot full of Dallas police cars – got the official word of his reinstatement. But I was more enlightened by his fishing excursion with mentor Deion Sanders, and his locker-room exchange with Tank Johnson. The latter went something like this:

Pacman: Get that shit out your mouth.

Tank: I’m sorry, Pacman Jones was talking. (Hits Pacman in leg.) What’d you say? Leave my interview alone.

Pacman: Man, you hit my God damn leg that hard again and I’m gonna smack that dip out your mouth.

Tank burst out in laughter, but I got the feeling Pacman was only half-kidding.

1. “This season thirty one teams have dreams about the Super Bowl. But the Dallas Cowboys expect it.” Corny, sure. But when narrator Liev Schreiber says it, you kinda get all goose-bumpy. -- Richie Whitt

Category: Dallas Cowboys
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See, Josh Howard Was Right All Along

Wed Sep 03 2008, at 02:00:10 PM
Tsk, tsk.

NBA players – including, turns out, former South Oak Cliff star and 2006 Dallas High School Player of the Year Darrell Arthur – loves them some marijuana.

But, like the Mavericks’ Josh Howard so infamously noted, in the off-season, man. The OFF-season. Not at rookie orientation.

Dude?! -- Richie Whitt

Category: Dallas Mavericks
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The Creepiest “Wrestling” Video in the History of Wrestling. And Creepy.

Wed Sep 03 2008, at 11:45:09 AM

Well, since this here blog’s namesake was the old tin-roofed rasslin’ joint down on Industrial I feel obliged every now and then to post vintage Von Erich footage.

But my only review of Kevin Von Erich, um – how do I put this delicately? – horsing around with son, Ross, is this:

Wow. -- Richie Whitt

Category: Believe It Or Not, Wrestling
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NFL Preview: The Quarterbacks

Wed Sep 03 2008, at 08:30:27 AM
No. 1 in Jessica's heart. No. 3 on my list.

Not playing fantasy football for the first time in 20 years this fall has its consequences:

More free time. More disposable income. Less contact with the geekdom subculture.

But it also has me woefully unprepared for the NFL season, which technically starts Thursday night with Giants-Redskins. To sharpen my skills, I decided to jot down all 32 starting quarterbacks off the top of my noggin’. (Nailed 29 of them, but remind me again who the hell is JT O’Sullivan?) Then I figured, what the heck, let’s rank ‘em.

For a comprehensive grading of backups (Brad Johnson comes in at No. 11 as the only sub with a Super Bowl ring as a starter) go here. For my last-second, catch-up ranking of starting quarterbacks, all you gotta do is jump.

Category: Dallas Cowboys
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Star-Studded Tuesday

Tue Sep 02 2008, at 03:30:04 PM
The DASA awards make for the most, um, interesting pairings. Right, Scott?

If you have $200 – or perhaps $5,000 – burning a hole in your jorts, make plans to be at the Fairmont Hotel tonight for the 43rd annual Dallas All-Sports Association Awards Banquet. It’s the one chance a year for Joe Fan to mingle with the likes of Deion Sanders, Dave Tippett, Kyle Petty, Pat Summerall, Emmitt Smith, Mike Modano, Herschel Walker and mayor Tom Leppert, who all will be impersonating penguins.

The classy, black-tie event will honor, among others, Nancy Lieberman with its Legends Award, Tippett with its Tom Landry Award and Baylor’s Scott Drew with the Don Nelson Award.

"Dave Tippet to receive the Tom Landry Award"

Here’s hoping the good folks at DASA find the extra “t” dropped from the Stars’ coach’s last name before they engrave the trophy. -- Richie Whitt

Category: Awards and Accolades
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You Dropped a Bomb on Me, Gustav.

Tue Sep 02 2008, at 12:30:28 PM
How, oh how, do we stop the hurricanes?

In perhaps the most illogical idea since the Republicans tabbed a Vice Presidential nominee with a resume as flimsy as Janine Turner’s on Northern Exposure, an old soccer buddy and I tossed this about over Labor Day Weekend:

Why can’t we stop hurricanes?

Category: Stuff That Ain't Really Sports Stuff
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That ’70s Show

Tue Sep 02 2008, at 08:30:33 AM
Squint real hard and see the similarities.

At long last, the ’70s are back.
Women are again wearing Halston. Television viewers are glued to CBS’ hit Swingtown. Two movies founded on the old decade’s staples of Star Wars and ABBA – The Clone Wars and Mamma Mia – were among last weekend’s top 10. And Kid Rock’s “All Summer Long” is climbing the charts with its blatant theft – excuse me, its “sampling” – of ’70s classics “Werewolves of London” and “Sweet Home Alabama.”

Coulda swore I even saw former President Jimmy Carter flittin’ around the Democratic National Convention in Denver.

The significance of it all? It’s time for another Dallas Cowboys’ Super Bowl.

Category: Dallas Cowboys
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You Betcha: Week 1

Fri Aug 29 2008, at 02:00:44 PM
Run 'n Shootin' the wad?

SMU’s June Jones era starts tonight in Houston. New uniforms (back to the white helmets of the Pony Express). New quarterback (Katy freshman Bo Levi Mitchell is in and two-year starter and record-setter Justin Willis is kaput.)

New results?

Category: You Betcha
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World’s Fastest Human Doubles As Hall of Fame’s Slowest Inductee

Fri Aug 29 2008, at 08:00:51 AM
The man.

It’s over.

The Cowboys’ preseason, that is, signaled by last night’s ho-hum victory over the Vikings. And the drama, climaxed when Pacman Jones was officially reinstated yesterday while eating a chicken sandwich and no doubt quenching his insatiable hunger for orange short shorts and legal cleavage at this joint.

In a game without Tony Romo or Adrian Peterson, I didn’t have much interest watching Brooks Bollinger duel Richard Bartel.

I am, however, intrigued by the latest Cowboy on the Pro Football Hall of Fame ballot.

Category: Dallas Cowboys
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