A loyal reader sent in this photo, restoring our faith in the nation's need for print media.

"Hurry up before the storm passes and takes my interest in your parts with it."

Here's a press release I got. They appear to be serious. About what I have no idea.

Hurricane Sandy left millions of Americans without power while wreaking havoc on New York City. While most sought solace from the storm with nearby family or friends, many students living in New York had no one to turn to- but each other. A new survey conducted by online dating website WhatsYourPrice.com discovered that when the lights go out, and the rain starts to fall, people tend to start hooking up, and Nicholas Sparks could be the one to blame.

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Therapoo: They're for your dogs, we're pretty sure.

It's the first day of early voting, and we all know what that means: We only have a few more weeks of watching Facebook clog up with unfunny Big Bird memes while your Twitter feed on debate night turns into the saddest open mic night ever. Seriously, I'm going to go freeze myself in carbonite like Hans Solo and you can come defrost me after the election is over and everyone just goes back to arguing about Breaking Bad.

Apparently I'm not the only person who shares this sentiment. The fine folks at Therapoo, makers of 100 percent biodegradable dog-poo bags, have cut to the chase whilst also trying to milk the last bit from the election teat.

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The Fuck you Twitter Heat Map

Dallas, what the fuck was going on on July 17, 2012?

Holy fucking shit, Dallas! We sure do say fuck a shitting lot. How the hell do we know that? A Ukrainian-based web development firm, known as Vertaline, finally fucking developed a heatmap that scans tweets for fucks given.

The map, which they've smartly named The Fuck you Twitter Heatmap, displays "density of tweets during a day with the keyword "Fuck you." As you can see from the above snapshot, its displays undulating globs of graphics that indicate how many fucking times you've said fuck between July 14 and July 24 . Not sure if it was the heat, or the deluge of shit-head mosquitos, but Dallas, you said fuck a whole bunch on July 17, 2012. According to the heatmap, Same with July 19.

Conversely, on July 15, that angry-ass red dot calmed to a soothing green. Feeling better? Side note: Houston, you sure do say fuck a lot too.

Oh I forgot to mention, the site also tracks the phrase "Good morning." Like that fucking matters.

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Okay, okay. We get it. Self-published S&M-lite has an enthusiastic audience and is therefore pop-culturally relevant. And despite our earnest entreaty for something a bit more imaginative than "Fifty Shades of Beige," this week marked another huge success with a familiar reprise: Gordon Gekko (with a heart of gold and a ... dungeon of red?) swaps his de Sadean boardroom antics for bedroom ones with a virginal college co-ed or office temp.

Sara Fawkes' repulsively titled -- come on, give us that one -- Amazon best-seller, Anything He Wants (Dominated by the Billionaire), has been picked up by major publisher St. Martin's. Don't get us wrong: we are all for women writing whatever the hell they want. And we take no exception to healthy sexual exploration, including consensual investigations of dominance and submission. But damn, ladies. The recurring "money = sexual power theme" is embarrassing.

I ain't sayin' we gold-diggers, but since Dallas knows a thing or two about loving cold hard cash, this city is ripe for a bestseller. Welcome to the drawing board, where we plan our million dollar grossing literotica. Pitches appreciated.

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Get exposed to literature.

Yes. It's true. Next Friday, August 17, a group of Dallas women will sit proud in front of an audience and read passages from their favorite stories, completely in the nude. It's a literary trend appropriately titled Naked Girls Reading, and now, after a two year hiatus, it's returned to Dallas.

The concept was hatched in Chicago by a couple of burlesque performers. They just thought it would be fun. It wound up becoming a phenomenon. Brainy babes lined up, contributing both their original works and also their favorite short stories, poems and passages to the events. They were passionate. Thoughtful. Naked.

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Thought we were just being bitchy with that headline, didn't you. Thought it was run-of-the-mill Mixmaster snark. Not so fast.

Larry Hagman's eyebrows have been charming audiences with their devilish flourishes since the late 1980s, but they -- and their stylist -- are finally receiving their due thanks to an upcoming cover story in Entertainment Weekly (no, not The Onion).

In the twilight of their career, the venerable Hollywood institutions upon which J.R. Ewing's Stetson rests have been celebrated as stars in their own rights. Unsung heroes of the silver screen, it was in fact J.R. Ewing's eyebrows that dreamed that Pam dreamed that Bobby died during the original franchise's seventh season. During the long, lonely lull between the original series finale in 1991 and this year's reboot, the actors known as Larry Hagman's eyebrows often filled in for Alex Trebek's unreliable, disorderly and often uncooperative mustache.

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Big Al's on McKinney Avenue must not think the spectacle of little people wrestling (EXTREME-ly) is enough to draw a crowd for tonight's main event, The Baddest Little Show on Earth. Their website has upped the ante, promising another compelling lure: miniature horses. You can pet them, Instagram them, or just feel like a giant in their presence as you wonder the obvious: is a patio in Uptown the natural environment for a tiny horse? No. No it is not.

Pissed off tiny horsey time is from 7 to 9 p.m., and midget wrestling follows.

Yes. This is all really happening.

This is the most best caption contest ever.

When we found the looks-totally-Shell-branded arcticready.com website, which includes a build-your-own Let's Go Arctic advertisement, we thought it was real. Turns out, it isn't. But, it's still amazing.

The site is part of a "multi-layered stunt" created by Yes Men. Enjoy.

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First of all, we're not crazy about tossing around the term "bitch" - at least not outside the context of safe words and "yes ma'ams" - but some asshat writer popularized the phrase in order to capitalize on one of Dallas' most overwrought stereotypes, and it has unfortunately just kind of stuck. But, when this "Missed Connection" from Monday hit our inbox, we had to wonder if there wasn't a bit of truth in La Chenoweth's portrayal on the is-it-or-is-it-not [still canceled, despite the letter-writing campaign and online petition].

Sure, this ... er ... romantic post has all the makings of prime-time drama - there's even a "hint" for a real cliffhanging mystery! But, more than likely another woman has simply given off the wrong message by being all Double-X Chromosomed and whatnot. (Bitches always be toting two of them!) Besides, adultery is only one of the ten commandments when your wife isn't away at church camp, Leviticus 69:69.

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