How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse: Practice, Practice, Pratice with Paintballs

Categories: WTF?

Photo courtesy of Andrew Ross
Mixmaster contributor Danny Gallagher shows no fear at the Zombie Safari ... until the bus starts actually moving and the zombies show up.

Every fanboy who open carries a Star Trek phaser or a replica of Ashley Williams' stump mounted chainsaw honestly believes they could survive a zombie apocalypse. It's a flawed theory at best. Life isn't a movie. Even the most daring hero runs out of ammo or forgets to prime their power tools. People get tired, don't have perfect aim or accidentally shoot themselves in places that would make a zombie grab his crotch and wince.

And, oh yeah, there are no such things as zombies.

Nevertheless, it doesn't hurt to be prepared, and Cousins Paintball Park in Forney has come up with an interesting way to test your mettle in the last throws of humanity. They've constructed a "Zombie Safari" paintball course and they let us do a ride-along.

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Are You a Verbose Lothario? Do You Live in Dallas? Here's Your Dream Job.

Categories: WTF?

Craigslist Screenshot

When OKCupid announced they'd been tricking users into believing they were compatible, thousands of angry couples reexamined their relationships from the dirty socks lining the bottom of the sheets to the "beard" on their boyfriend's chin that looks more like overgrown pubic hairs. Probably. Probably that's what happened. I'm just saying it might've. Get off my back, Mom!

Meanwhile, thousands of happy couples, smiled at each other and sighed serenely while sharing a bottle of wine with straws. No one believed in the numbers anyway because love is far too tricky for percentages in the first place. Of course, numbers can't account for deception. (What's that, honey? You only made out with 1 percent of the women you met in the last year? Phew, I feel so much better.) But if you want a little bit of intrigue in your life and you'd like to get paid to help someone else's relationship get off the ground the American way (lies -- lots of lies), well, there's a job posting on Craigslist with your name written all over it.

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Dolly Python's "Bitchy Stitches" Tell Your Grandmother What She Can Do With Her Crochet Needles

Categories: WTF?

Photo courtesy Dolly Python/ Molly Wilt of Anal Probe Hearts

Your grandmother may have been a kind, sweet person with nothing but a need to see their grandchildren happy. But just because she got old and turned into the sweet, pious person you knew, doesn't mean she couldn't blow a fuse and let loose on some poor bastard who probably couldn't understand why Ma Kettle was verbally tearing their soul a new a-hole.

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Forget the News, Just Follow This Dog on Instagram

Categories: WTF?


Last week, I was walking through the Bishop Arts District with my younger sister, who recently graduated from college and is living with me for the summer. She let out a squeal when she saw a Vespa with a sidecar parked in front of Oddfellows just yards from a big, fluffy dog.

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Are You a Cabana Boy? You're Needed and 7 Other Posts You'll Find Only on Craigslist.

Categories: WTF?

Thumbnail image for eyes.JPG
Imagine you're sitting in the Observer office on your lunch break scrolling through Craigslist when suddenly you're locking eyes with the screen shot of this guy, who coincidentally bears a vague a resemblance to Catfish guy.

He asks you the tough questions. Do you like office work? What about ice cream? How about peacefully partying? As a matter of fact, I'm peacefully partying at my desk right now, prettyeyes.

You begin to look a little deeper into his eyes and are suddenly struck by the idea that you can save the world. Or at least, pitch your editor the idea of turning your Craigslist finds into a blog post, which she accepts without batting an eye that you spend your workday on this website. OK, you can stop imagining now and read the real live blog post in front of you. You can't make this stuff up.

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Clear Channel Says There's Poop on the Dallas Skyline

Categories: WTF?

Alice Laussade
"Welp. It was fun while it lasted."

Clear Channel has had this outdoor board up for a while. (Walter Cronkite voice) "Business is done here. Clear Channel. Dallas Skyline with a filter from 1980." Maybe years. And every time I see it, I think, "Really, Clear Channel? This is what you went with?" This is what your team of creatives decided was The Big Idea. The One True Answer to the Outdoor Board Riddle. "Well, we're either going with the 'Clear Channel: We're the shit.' or this one about how business is done here. To me, the answer is obvious. Go with the one that sounds like Dallas is over."

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Don't Look Away: Fakir Musafar on Spiritual Side of Suspension

Categories: Events, WTF?


The hooks slip in to your skin, like a fish caught on a line. Each hook aligned with a particular area of your body to keep a secure grasp on you without ripping out flesh. It takes years to get it right. It takes a practiced hand and a knowledgeable eye, but for this community to exist, it takes people interested in tapping into a new level of consciousness. Or so I'm told by visitors to the Suspension Convention.

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Finally! Dallas Adulterers Have A Voice!

Categories: WTF?


When I received the press release from, I initially assumed this was a website of a local baby photographer who takes those baby photos where they put your newborn inside a sepia-toned watermelon. Sounds like something an Ashley Madison would do. I was wrong.

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Artist Joshua Goode Talks About Latest Discovery: a Unicorn T-Rex

Categories: Visual Art, WTF?

Joshua Goode
Texas or Germany? 

"Last summer I was on a dig in Germany and I discovered artifacts that point toward the existence of an ancient Texas civilization," artist Joshua Goode says. "It was pretty amazing to find the remains of a Unicorn T-Rex that I determined by the saddle was domesticated and ridden."

We're talking about his newest exhibit, Artifacts form the Burial Site of the Unicorn T-Rex, which opens at RO2 Art's downtown gallery this Saturday night. speaking by phone because Goode is the Chair of the Fine Arts Department at Tarrant County College and he teaches classes on Thursday mornings. Of course, this means I can't see his face as he goes on to explain the pygmies, giants and dinosaurs that he discovered in his dig. A day later, I would tell you that I didn't believe Goode's story for a second, but it took me a minute to work up the nerve to ask, "So you're shitting me, right?"

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Road Trippin': A Bus Tour Company Is Offering a Marijuana Dispensary Tour of Denver

Categories: WTF?

Courtesy of Medicine Man Denver and barryskeates/Flickr

Washington's and Colorado's decisions to legalize recreational marijuana use have created a new, booming tourist industry for businesses and tax collections. Smokers who can't spark up in their home state without risking incarceration and a permanent black mark on their criminal record are flocking to the states where dispensaries are now legally allowed to sell weed to anyone of the right age with a valid ID.

Travel agencies and touring companies are even organizing special trips to tour the states' pot apothecaries complete with accommodations in a "smoke free" hotel where visitors can smoke their souvenirs in private since they can't bring it back with them. R.L. Moore Bus Tours of Dallas is offering just such a trip to Denver at the end of March. Tickets are $235, and according to the company's website, include hotel fees.

"Tours like that have started to take place and here in Dallas, we're one of the first take those tours to Colorado," owner R.L. Moore said.

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