10 Stripped-Down Photos From Dallas' No Pants Subway Ride

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All photos by Ed Steele

Since the annual No Pants Subway Takeover arrived in Dallas, taking public transportation has become much more interesting. Sunday brought an afternoon of skivvy-clad commuters, hopping aboard DART to surprise and alter the days of unsuspecting fellow riders.

We sent photographer Ed Steele to follow these brave, stripped-down souls through their pantless mission. He came back with a whole slideshow's worth of mass transit evidence, from which we picked our ten favorites.

See Also: Dallas' No Pants Subway Ride 2014 (Slideshow)

See also: Critical Ass: The Ten Best Photos from Sunday's No Pants Subway Ride 2013


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Our Five Favorite Missed Connections from the "Icepocalypse"

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Winter Storm Cleon, aka the "Icepocalypse," was a cruel master, leaving some without power and others trapped on icy roads. But then there were those who saw the lining of those dark, menacing clouds as an excuse to spark a little romance.

Match.com reported a 22 percent increase in new members during the storm as Dallas singles desperately attempted to not die alone. Friends reported calls from frantic exes seeking a familiar face and/or neck. And on Craigslist, those Missed Connections got cozier than a terrier in a turtleneck. Here are our five favorites.

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10 Dallas Holiday Dates for Freaks, Weirdos and Outcasts

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Photo by Danny Hurley
Aren't you curious who's going on "traditional" holiday dates? A Christmas Carol isn't sexy. Nobody gets laid after The Nutcracker. And who wants to drive through holiday lights together? All of the traffic really impedes the drinking and making out and hand-jays, which are your primary goals.

Don't wait until the crap holiday programming melts away to ask someone out. This is Dallas: For every boring, wholesome surface event you see on Guidelive, there's a dozen freaky things happening underground. That's where we come in.

Let the Observer be your eggnog-spiking wingman with these 10 holiday dates, custom-built for godless hornball weirdos like you.

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1. Get Stoned and Visit the George W. Bush Presidential Center. (Attempt to Buy a Christmas Ornament, Get Denied.)
Warning: DO NOT go to the Bush Center sober. That's a rookie move, reserved for people in sweater sets and sensible shoes. For this date you'll both show up goofballed out of your minds and dressed crazy. Then you'll awkwardly pay entry from your Coinstar sock.

That's your right as an American.

The crown jewel of this outing isn't the formal presidential splendor, it's locating Dubya's holiday ornament, a true work of craftsmanship selling for the oh, so reasonable price of $29.95.

Since your eyes will be redder than Georgie's cardinal, expect friction from security. Especially when you insist on paying in nickles.


*****

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A Children's Bounce House Was Placed Next to a Human Suspension in Mesquite

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Photo by Valerie Elise Thompson

Last weekend the Immersed in Ink Tattoo and Arts Convention arrived in Mesquite. Once there it dared to do the unthinkable: squish a small dining buffet, dozens of working tattoo artists, tiny-person extreme entertainment, sideshow spectacle and and a team of human suspension performers into one mid-sized showroom.

The most obvious logistical issue was the placement of the children's bounce castle, which sat directly next to the human suspension. In fact, the palace slide provided the room's best vantage point for the show, where adults were hooked through the flesh, bungeed and then tugged up and down before being left to dangle slowly, like loose buttons.

Whether the scene was arranged intentionally or not remains unclear, but after the first hook was latched the playing children were reported as being on their best behavior.


Dallas Singles Are the 10th Most Superficial in America, Says Creepy Dating Website

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There's a new internet dating study that ranks U.S. cities in order of superficiality. In effort to determine whose rivers flow most shallowly, the site, whatsyourprice.com, weighed the amount of time each area's singles spend hovering over individual dating profiles before clicking ahead. According to it, Dallas singles are fairly vapid, coming in at 10th place. Houston's are worse, repping a strong third.

The numbers were culled from Google Analytics and paired with geographical information, then ranked. The idea here is that Salt Lake City singles -- who spend 7.2 seconds per page -- are only concerned with physical appearance, while someone who lurks for 36 seconds is a deep soul who reads French poetry. In Dallas, we blow 13.7 seconds per profile.

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Dallas is Freaking Out About Twilight Author Stephenie Meyer's Upcoming Appearance

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Is it still "camping" if it's next door to a Cheesecake Factory?
With her vampires put to eternal rest, Twilight author Stephenie Meyer was able to dabble deeper into other science fiction avenues.

In her book-turned-movie The Host, she invades the realm of alien body snatching and sets the stage for Earth's invasion. There, a lone resistance group remains, pocketed away from the Dune-eyed population, until one of its surviving few, Melanie Stryder (Saoirse Ronan), gets the touched-by-an-angel treatment. Drama ensues.

The big-screen adaptation gets released by Open Road Films on March 29, and to hype the thing, Meyer is traveling the country in support of her 2008 fiction release and its movie guide companion edition. For added photo bait, she's bringing two of the film's young stars, Jake Abel and Max Irons with her.

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No, Central Track, You Can't Post Nude Photos of Women Against Their Wishes

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I rarely chime in when it comes to happenings at Central Track, the side-scrolling music and culture web site, but yesterday the site did something so appalling that I'm putting my morning on hold to work through it.

There's a newish event in Dallas called Naked Girls Reading, and yes, it is much like the title implies. A panel of ladies craft a night of literature around a theme, then they read selections in the buff.

Initially, I assumed the worst. I worried that this would be a flesh-for-fee event, and we'd see vapidity, derobed. So I investigated, as all should do when questioning validity, and I couldn't have been more incorrect. From the moment Friday night's show began I realized that Naked Girls Reading is an absurdist piece of performance art, and within that context, the nudity is bizarrely fascinating.

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The Weirdest Things People Have Left in Dallas Cabs

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Dallas, we're proud of you for calling cabs on New Year's Eve, because I've got to say: this city got blacked-out drunk. We had no business attempting to stand for prolonged periods, much less driving.

Since we don't remember much of the night, it occurred to us that the cabbies would need to fill in the blanks. And since items left behind seems like a solid measuring rod for an evening's success, we asked our local booze chariots how reckless we were, exactly.

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Half-Naked People Will Take Over the Dallas DART Light Rail in January

That fad started in the tunnels of New York back in 2001, under the x-ray spec guidance of Improv Forever, an NYC-based "prank collective." Since then No Pants Subway Ride has gotten huge. More than 50 cities now join in the pranking mission, droppin' drawers in solidarity.

Dallas, refusing to be left out of the nudity magic, is also in the mix. On January 13, 2013, area residents will de-robe, from the waist down, on DART. Specifics to location aren't posted just yet, but you can join up -- or protect yourself from visual leg cheese -- by visiting the event's Facebook page.

Prepare for Dallas' Pending Santa Flash Mob with this Handy Training Video

Remember when flash mobs were vibrant movements staged so that others would see the wonder and magic possible in everyday life? That was short-lived.

"Wonder" and "magic" aren't drunk enough rallying points for most of us, case in point: this flash mob training video, leaked by Santa Rampage.


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