Arlington Woman Goes on the Worst Date of Her Life with The Bachelor


It's hard to explain what America was submitted to viewing on TV last night. But here at the Mixmaster we will try our best.

Carly, Arlington woman/cruise ship singer/Bachelor contestant, was chosen for a one-on-one date with the Bachelor, Prince Farming Chris Soules.

Host Chris Harrison delivered the date card in the Los Angeles mansion to the room of tipsy, desperate women, who average at about 24 years old.

The date card reads, "Carly, Let's come together..."

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Oh Dear Fried Food Lord, American Idol Auditions Are On Opening Day of The State Fair

Alice Laussade
Things will be crazy-go-nuts.

This news should strike fear in the fried hearts of many: American Idol will hold auditions for the new season at our great State Fair of Texas on September 26th and 27th-- the first two days of the fair.

There is no prior registration required. You just have to be between the ages of 15 and 28 (See Official Rules), and show up to sing between 10am and 6pm on either of the two audition days.

This spells chaos. Cats and dogs living together. Mass hysteria.

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Dallas Bartender Booted From Bachelor in Paradise For Not Taking it Seriously Enough


If you didn't see Bachelor in Paradise last night, what's it like to be you? It must be nice to have better things to do with your Monday night. '

Unlike perfect, intellectual you, I spent my Monday watching The Bachelor spinoff, where Bachelor and Bachelorette losers castoffs go to Mexico to find love. Last night's episode was particularly special because Dallas-native and Trophy Room bartender Ben Scott left the show because it was revealed* he had a girlfriend back home.

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10 Stripped-Down Photos From Dallas' No Pants Subway Ride

All photos by Ed Steele

Since the annual No Pants Subway Takeover arrived in Dallas, taking public transportation has become much more interesting. Sunday brought an afternoon of skivvy-clad commuters, hopping aboard DART to surprise and alter the days of unsuspecting fellow riders.

We sent photographer Ed Steele to follow these brave, stripped-down souls through their pantless mission. He came back with a whole slideshow's worth of mass transit evidence, from which we picked our ten favorites.

See Also: Dallas' No Pants Subway Ride 2014 (Slideshow)

See also: Critical Ass: The Ten Best Photos from Sunday's No Pants Subway Ride 2013

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Our Five Favorite Missed Connections from the "Icepocalypse"

Winter Storm Cleon, aka the "Icepocalypse," was a cruel master, leaving some without power and others trapped on icy roads. But then there were those who saw the lining of those dark, menacing clouds as an excuse to spark a little romance. reported a 22 percent increase in new members during the storm as Dallas singles desperately attempted to not die alone. Friends reported calls from frantic exes seeking a familiar face and/or neck. And on Craigslist, those Missed Connections got cozier than a terrier in a turtleneck. Here are our five favorites.

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10 Dallas Holiday Dates for Freaks, Weirdos and Outcasts

Photo by Danny Hurley
Aren't you curious who's going on "traditional" holiday dates? A Christmas Carol isn't sexy. Nobody gets laid after The Nutcracker. And who wants to drive through holiday lights together? All of the traffic really impedes the drinking and making out and hand-jays, which are your primary goals.

Don't wait until the crap holiday programming melts away to ask someone out. This is Dallas: For every boring, wholesome surface event you see on Guidelive, there's a dozen freaky things happening underground. That's where we come in.

Let the Observer be your eggnog-spiking wingman with these 10 holiday dates, custom-built for godless hornball weirdos like you.

1. Get Stoned and Visit the George W. Bush Presidential Center. (Attempt to Buy a Christmas Ornament, Get Denied.)
Warning: DO NOT go to the Bush Center sober. That's a rookie move, reserved for people in sweater sets and sensible shoes. For this date you'll both show up goofballed out of your minds and dressed crazy. Then you'll awkwardly pay entry from your Coinstar sock.

That's your right as an American.

The crown jewel of this outing isn't the formal presidential splendor, it's locating Dubya's holiday ornament, a true work of craftsmanship selling for the oh, so reasonable price of $29.95.

Since your eyes will be redder than Georgie's cardinal, expect friction from security. Especially when you insist on paying in nickles.


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A Children's Bounce House Was Placed Next to a Human Suspension in Mesquite

Photo by Valerie Elise Thompson

Last weekend the Immersed in Ink Tattoo and Arts Convention arrived in Mesquite. Once there it dared to do the unthinkable: squish a small dining buffet, dozens of working tattoo artists, tiny-person extreme entertainment, sideshow spectacle and and a team of human suspension performers into one mid-sized showroom.

The most obvious logistical issue was the placement of the children's bounce castle, which sat directly next to the human suspension. In fact, the palace slide provided the room's best vantage point for the show, where adults were hooked through the flesh, bungeed and then tugged up and down before being left to dangle slowly, like loose buttons.

Whether the scene was arranged intentionally or not remains unclear, but after the first hook was latched the playing children were reported as being on their best behavior.

Dallas Singles Are the 10th Most Superficial in America, Says Creepy Dating Website

There's a new internet dating study that ranks U.S. cities in order of superficiality. In effort to determine whose rivers flow most shallowly, the site,, weighed the amount of time each area's singles spend hovering over individual dating profiles before clicking ahead. According to it, Dallas singles are fairly vapid, coming in at 10th place. Houston's are worse, repping a strong third.

The numbers were culled from Google Analytics and paired with geographical information, then ranked. The idea here is that Salt Lake City singles -- who spend 7.2 seconds per page -- are only concerned with physical appearance, while someone who lurks for 36 seconds is a deep soul who reads French poetry. In Dallas, we blow 13.7 seconds per profile.

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Dallas is Freaking Out About Twilight Author Stephenie Meyer's Upcoming Appearance

Is it still "camping" if it's next door to a Cheesecake Factory?
With her vampires put to eternal rest, Twilight author Stephenie Meyer was able to dabble deeper into other science fiction avenues.

In her book-turned-movie The Host, she invades the realm of alien body snatching and sets the stage for Earth's invasion. There, a lone resistance group remains, pocketed away from the Dune-eyed population, until one of its surviving few, Melanie Stryder (Saoirse Ronan), gets the touched-by-an-angel treatment. Drama ensues.

The big-screen adaptation gets released by Open Road Films on March 29, and to hype the thing, Meyer is traveling the country in support of her 2008 fiction release and its movie guide companion edition. For added photo bait, she's bringing two of the film's young stars, Jake Abel and Max Irons with her.

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No, Central Track, You Can't Post Nude Photos of Women Against Their Wishes

naked lady time.jpg
I rarely chime in when it comes to happenings at Central Track, the side-scrolling music and culture web site, but yesterday the site did something so appalling that I'm putting my morning on hold to work through it.

There's a newish event in Dallas called Naked Girls Reading, and yes, it is much like the title implies. A panel of ladies craft a night of literature around a theme, then they read selections in the buff.

Initially, I assumed the worst. I worried that this would be a flesh-for-fee event, and we'd see vapidity, derobed. So I investigated, as all should do when questioning validity, and I couldn't have been more incorrect. From the moment Friday night's show began I realized that Naked Girls Reading is an absurdist piece of performance art, and within that context, the nudity is bizarrely fascinating.

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