Not only are we, like we're sure you are, genuinely excited about the return of Arrested Development on May 26, we also have absolutely no idea what will happen. The family, those blowhards, could be scattered around the globe, and indeed initial reports suggested that there wouldn't be a massive amount of family interaction.

So after extensive playtesting that saw us receive treatment for alcohol poisoning on not one but five separate occasions, we present to you the result of being forced to watch Arrested Development and drink alcohol for our jobs.

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Thought all subcultures were already tapped for reality television? Guess again. A new program is gaining momentum and intends to fill its cast with our favorite obsessives, The Nerds of Earth.

The Quest has been described by its creator as "Amazing Race in Middle-Earth" and takes its potential crew on a mission to "follow their dreams."

Those selected should be somewhat obsessive, though the focus of their gaze can range the rough terrain of geekly pursuits, from Dungeons and Dragons, LARPing and Tolkien to Game of Thrones and other genre fascinations.

In order to piggyback off Comic Con's momentum, there will be a Dallas casting call this Friday from 8 to 10 p.m. at Barcadia, which should be hilarious, given the collegey, booty-bump crowd that fills in the venue on weekend nights.

Quest's casting management says that a good candidate will present themselves as a competitive spirit, you know -- someone fully committed to winning. Whether that means slaying a few orcs to be deemed a hero or resorting to sneaky tactics -- they want to see a drive. So don't be afraid to let out your inner Gollum.

Currently The Quest isn't linked with a specific network affiliate, but Profiles Television is behind its early stage development. They've got a Lord of the Rings executive producer on board and the creative minds of Amazing Race, so if it all shakes out, you'll see a larger-than-life celebration of sci-fi and fantasy arrive on your dial soon.

Before they were strangers who decided to stop being polite and start getting real, the cast members of Real World were just stars in waiting.

MTV's iconic staple of reality television is now casting for Season 29. The show's vetters will be in Dallas at Redrock Bar and Grill on Saturday, May 25, from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. in search of seven new faces. To be considered, you'll need to be at least 20, and appear to be between the ages of 20 and 24. If that's you, just bring a photo and an ID to the open casting call.

Can't make it that Saturday? Submit a casting tape instead.

Dallas' wealthiest made a Downton Abbey parody to thank the sponsors of Saturday's decadent Art Ball. Because I realize you'll shut it off after 2 minutes, let me spoil the ending: Epic werewolf attack.

Now, I'd like to point out the obvious stage chemistry between Maxwell Anderson/Papa Bear Rawlings and suggest a spin-off series. I'm storyboarding them a hilarious buddy comedy called Artsy Fartsy, featuring the pair as a vaudevillian magician duo with a passion for time period, slapstick humor.

Who will be sawed in half next week? Tune in to DMA TV to find out.

"Yes, yes, I know: Winter is coming."

Everyone's favorite ultra-budget dragon tease mega-series returns for its third season on Sunday night. This season's Game of Thrones promises not only dragons larger than one foot tall, but also more strife, pain, and misery than you can shake a Heart Eater at. We've constructed a drinking game in its honor. I would opt for a light mead. Not wildfire.

Will Daenerys actually make it across the sea? Will she ever find another ponytailed macho dude who can stack up to her Moon and Stars? Exactly how bad an idea was releasing Jaime Lannister? Is there a less likeable duo in all of televisual history than Cersei and Joffrey? Exactly how many spelling mistakes have I made typing all these names? Will George R.R. Martin actually finish writing the books before age catches up with him?

Alright, I'm out of questions. Here's a drinking game that will probably leave you like Sean Bean in any movie or TV show he participates in - dead. Pick and choose your favorite rules to construct your own, or just go at it like Tyrion at a banquet.

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Hannah, Googling "normal tongue."

I posed this question to a friend last night: Has there been a main character in recent TV series history who has been so irredeemable, so flawed? We came up with Larry David, to whom Dunham's character has been compared, both for their complete lack of awareness and how heavily their characters draw from their own wells of neuroses for punchlines. But has there been another female character?

The appearance of a woman doing awful things on television isn't new, but the role has become more nuanced and informed lately, perhaps because women are writing the roles. Dunham's Hannah Horvath has much in common with Amy Jellicoe (Laura Dern), the protagonist on HBO's Enlightened. Both characters have good intentions but get lost in their own idealistic and narcissistic fog. In season two of Enlightened, Amy seems to have found a purpose as a whistle-blower, while Hannah is in free fall.

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Hannah and her therapist

As episode eight opens, we follow Hannah down the street. She receives a text from Adam, which causes her to have a nervous tic, one we've never seen before. We're reminded Hannah got an e-book deal, and the deadline is looming, with nary a word written. Hannah starts doing everything in eights.

Previously on Girls
See our previous episode recaps in the RTVF archive.

She has OCD, which was a problem when she was younger. Now it has returned, due to the pressures of being a young e-book novelist. If you've ever read Horse E-books, you know it can be a debilitating process.

We know this will not end well for her, and though it doesn't really feel that unrealistic for Hannah to have OCD, it does seem odd to bring this new old problem into the narrative this late in the series. The intricacies of a mental illness could even drive a whole episode, but they feel lost in this one's ensemble plot, where the women are devolving and the men are evolving.

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Lee Pace will play a Dallas computer programmer in Halt & Catch Fire.

Lee Pace isn't a household name, but you may remember him as the star of the terrific but short-lived ABC series Pushing Daisies. He also appeared on the big screen recently, with roles in The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey and Lincoln.

Now it's being reported that Pace will return to the small screen in the AMC pilot for Halt & Catch Fire, a show we're watching closely for a couple reasons.

As we relayed a while back, Halt & Catch Fire is the brainchild of Dallas native Chris Cantwell and focuses on Texas' "computing boom" of the 1980s. More details emerged yesterday, in the Hollywood Reporter:

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Wikipedia

Gold analyst David Feherty (left) with Tiger Woods.

Non-golfers may not know much about David Feherty, but he's worth 30 seconds of your allotted daily Google time. A former tour pro (and Dallas resident), he is now easily golf's best television analyst, calling the game with honesty and wit and humanity that's hard to find in any sport. He also speaks openly about his battle with depression and alcoholism, is a noted gun enthusiast and was friends with American Sniper author Chris Kyle.

Feherty revealed that last snippet this morning on 1310 AM The Ticket. He was in studio promoting the season premiere of his excellent Golf TV show, Feherty, which features long-form interviews with guests ranging from golfers you've never heard of the former president Bill Clinton. But Feherty also promoted another show he hopes to get on the air: Sniper Golf.

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There have been quite a few detours on this season of Girls: Hannah and Joshua's two-day brownstone romp, Adam and Ray's trip to Staten Island last week, Hannah and Elijah's cocaine-fueled trip around Brooklyn. This episode takes Hannah and Jessa on a train out to Manitou, to see Jessa's estranged father, Salvatore (Ben Mendelsohn).

The lush green landscape of upstate New York takes us out of Brooklyn's claustrophobic setting, but immediately Hannah is upset that Jessa's father is late picking them up from the station, which Jessa addresses as a "lame" complaint. We find out a bit later why Hannah is on this trip: She's the "cushion," according to Petula (Rosanna Arquette), Salvatore's wife and Jessa's stepmother. As she is tending to the rabbits in their backyard, she also uses a video game analogy to explain why people need to "grow a pair and get to the next level," which temporarily paralyzes Hannah with fear.

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